


How to get Lucky

by pillowpeaches



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Awkward first dates, Barebacking, Bottom Komaeda Nagito, Camboy Komaeda, Crossdressing, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hinata explores his sexuality, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Light Bondage, M/M, Masturbation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Misunderstandings, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Praise Kink, Secret Identity, Top Hinata Hajime
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:54:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 44,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26533942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pillowpeaches/pseuds/pillowpeaches
Summary: Every Wednesday night, Hinata tunes in on his favorite camboy’s show. Little does he know that he goes to the same university as him, let alone the same department. Being paired with the object of his secret obsession for a school project definitely sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, that is, if Hinata were to learn his true identity.-Komaeda is a webcam model and Hinata is one of his most devoted fans.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Komaeda Nagito/Other(s)
Comments: 434
Kudos: 1078





	1. Give him all your money

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> // 2021 EDIT //
> 
> The update schedule of this fanfic is as unpredictable as you can imagine when one is trying to procrastinate both work and studying by writing a komaeda thirst fic. Thanks for understanding ✌
> 
> \---
> 
> Just a small disclaimer: This work was originally inspired by the webtoon "BJ Alex", so there might be some similarities besides the setup. I know there are several fics about this topic already, but I wanted to write my own version of camboy Komaeda and Hinata being his fan.
> 
> Buckle up guys, cuz it's gonna be spicy!

After staying on campus later than usual, Hinata was in a big hurry.

He slammed the squeaky door of his small studio apartment shut behind him, kicking off his shoes in a rush, and stalked across the room to open the laptop buried somewhere under all that clutter on top of his small work desk. He threw the stacks of random papers and books aside hastily, some of them ending up on the floor, but he couldn’t care less right now. While the computer was booting up he checked the time, and _shit_ , it was already five minutes past the broadcast start time!

One might wonder, what kind of broadcast was Hinata so eagerly looking forward to each Wednesday night at 10 o’clock? The answer itself wasn’t really that hard to pin down, considering he was a young man in his early twenties. It was obvious what most guys his age would do home alone at night. Just like them, Hinata had his needs. However, the way he decided to take care of those needs was perhaps a tad…unorthodox.

Hinata licked his lips in anticipation, palms clammy as he hovered the cursor over that one bookmark he had carefully hidden in the folder labeled as ”cheap lazy student meals”. (Ironically, he may have skipped a meal or two over this in the past.) He clicked on the link, twiddling with the mouse roll as he waited for the page to load. It took even longer than usual, and Hinata could feel his patience running thinner. A blank loading page wasn’t exactly giving him the enjoyment he was seeking after.

He stared at the offending throbber harshly, as if it would make the page load any faster, resisting the urge to spam the refresh button as it would only result in more waiting and _even worse_ , missing out on the show. If only he could afford a newer model computer and maybe faster connection as well.

Sighing, Hinata opted for rummaging through the drawer for a box of orange juice and a pack of tissues while he waited. His desk was still cluttered with all kinds of junk, varying from dirty plates and coffee mugs — one of them half full — to school supplies like markers for underlining all the important stuff he was supposed to remember. Typical for a law student to have no time to clean their room, or maybe Hinata was just too lazy, though he would never admit it.

He poked the straw through the foil bit on the carton and took a long sip. It didn't quench his thirst at all. A few agonizingly slow minutes passed. Then, his piece of shit computer finally decided to take mercy on him and graced him with the familiar sight of a pale figure lounging on a bed in a dim, neon-lit room, back propped against a mountain of pillows.

The figure in question belonged to a young man. His lean body was bare apart from the dark pair of mesh briefs which, to be frank, didn’t cover that much. However, the thing Hinata found most attractive about him had to be the sharp bones jutting out of his milky skin in some places — definitely one of those things hadn’t expected to be into, but had hard time trying to forget about.

The man was humming softly to some tune playing on the background, occasionally leaning over to take a look at the chat. Other than that, it looked like nothing remarkable was going on yet. He was probably waiting for more people to join in before kicking off the main event.

Hinata was glad — even though he had missed the time frame for sending requests for tonight’s show he’d still managed to arrive in time to enjoy it. He clicked on ”donate” and put in his usual sum along with the following message: _Good evening, Lucky! Can’t wait to see what you have in store for us tonight xx_

”Thank you for your support, Hajime98! _Pleasure_ , as always,” the man grinned, the white of his teeth turning blue under the neon lights. As per usual, only the lower half of his face was visible from that camera angle.

Hinata could feel his cheeks flush at that. It was always nice to hear his name spoken aloud. Naturally, that was the only reason he’d decided to use it on a site like this, and not because he couldn’t come up with anything else.

”I think most of the people who are planning to watch tonight’s show are already here, so I’m gonna start now,” the camboy announced and scooted closer to the camera, starting to type something off-screen, ”Let’s see which toy you voted for tonight… Hmm, good choice! Haven’t had the chance to use those for a while.”

Peppily, he got down to business, preparing himself with his fingers as usual while stroking his half-hard length lazily. He tended to take it slow in the beginning, making his audience desperate for more and giving them a good show. Hinata decided now was the time to pull out his own cock.

The chat went wild when the camboy finally revealed the toy, showing it off to the camera. Dangling from the metal ring he held between his fingers was a string of purple-colored beads, transparent like glass, definitely not made of silicone. ”Nice, isn’t it? I just got it in the mail, too! But I wonder if this whole thing will fit…”

Hinata swallowed, still clasping his dick in one hand. Wouldn’t that _hurt_?

”Well, only one way to find out,” the camboy said with a carefree smile, clearly not as concerned for himself as Hinata was. ”I’m a little more excited today than usual, so this should work out.”

His worries turned out to be for naught. Hinata watched the man slip the first three beads inside himself without as much as breaking a sweat, moaning a little at the sensation. The next set of three turned out to be a little more difficult than that — he was clearly struggling, having to pull the last one out before attempting to push it back inside.

Hinata had already started moving the hand on his length and quickly built a rhythm, groaning at sight of the camboy’s asshole clenching and spasming around the toy, wishing it was his cock instead.

”Hnnn… _haah_ — look,” the man gasped, chest heaving with ragged breaths as he stuffed himself with that last bead. He took hold of the back of his own thighs and spread them wide open for the camera, choking out: ”I’m so _full._ ”

Hinata was now thrusting into his own fist vigorously. He watched the camboy’s fingers toy with the metal ring before tugging at it harshly. One bead popped out, wet and glistening with lube. Then, another one, and another, and then Hinata was coming hard, staining his hand with his seed, some of the fluid ending up on his shirt and thighs.

”Fuck…” he groaned, closing his eyes for a minute. The force of his orgasm had left him spent and his body was ready to fall asleep.

But the moans blasting out of the laptop speakers didn’t cease. Hinata should just close the tab and go to sleep. He really should.

Giving into his self-indulgence, he forced his eyes open and watched as the camboy kept pleasuring himself. The noises he was making were extremely lewd, but there was no way Hinata could get hard again. Droopy eyes transfixed on those desperately thrusting hips, he watched him until he could witness his climax.

”Thanks for making me cum, chat, love y’all!” he murmured to the camera, and Hinata was smitten.

* * *

It all started with a dash of bi-curiosity.

One of Hinata’s acquaintances from another department, Miu Iruma, had randomly recommended him an adult streaming site which, allegedly, had ”the sexiest boytoys even straight guys and lesbians would get the hots for”. She had even tried to prove her point by showing him a clip at the library, but Hinata had refused to watch it. He was used to Iruma’s weird fixation on stuff like that by now, so the whole thing was shrugged off as another one of her crazy stunts.

Until one day he was home alone, horny and completely out of spunk material. He needed to text Iruma right now.

_What was that site again_

**_Which site? I happen to know many_ **

_The one you tried to show me at the uni library last week_

**_Lmao cant get ur dick up to vanilla porn anymore?_ **

**_U should’ve just memorized it if u didn’t wanna get a hard-on in public, fuckin virgin lol_ **

_Just give me the link and I’ll stop bothering you_

**_Geez, fine!_ **

**_have a nice fap, u owe me 1_ **

Dealing with Iruma had been surprisingly painless this time around, although, "surprisingly painless" still meant somewhat irritating since it was Iruma he was talking about. She was always up to something bizarre, using her "genius brain" as an excuse. This site better be worth it, Hinata mused as he typed in the address he'd been given.

The website loaded rather sluggishly, thumbnails of live videos that were anything but family friendly in their nature popping up on the screen one by one. He wanted to browse by category and of course, on top of the page, there was that infamous camboy section in all its naked, butt-filled glory. The problem was, Hinata had no idea what he was looking for.

He usually looked for videos where the main focus was on women. He seldom paid any attention to male actors, and if he did, it was because the guy groaned too loudly or they were filming his dick more than the girl he was fucking. He just felt that he’d seen everything already, the same tropes and actresses, countless of times.

Should he really take a look at Iruma’s "boytoys" or stick with the usual? Nah, he'd already established that the usual didn’t work. Plus, it couldn’t hurt to check it out. He was kind of curious, after all. It’d be like taking a peek at the other camp, kind of size up the selection there, and then quickly return back home where it was safe. No harm in that.

”Here goes nothing,” Hinata mumbled to himself as he randomly picked a profile.

 _Ultimate Breeder? Yeah, no way. Hard pass._ He hastily returned to the main page, wishing he could unsee the slightly satanic BDSM imagery, and clicked on another one. _Supreme Leader sounds interesting… Nope, that one looks like a child._

After a dozen more (in Hinata’s opinion) horrendous profiles, he decided he should just look for something that caught his eye rather than blindly click on anything that happened to be there.

And indeed, something did catch his attention.

Hinata skimmed over the new-found profile. _Lucky Lewd, 22 years old, male, bottom._ There were no pictures of his face, only a few close-ups of the most delicate areas of his body. Hinata thought the model’s name sounded something straight out of some cheap porno for sure, but that didn’t stop him from clicking on the "past broadcasts" tab. He quite liked what he had seen so far.

One picture in particular had piqued his interest. The man was wearing something on his neck that looked like a dog’s collar and a chain attached to it. A few locks of white hair were visible below the top frame where the picture was cut off, barely grazing his shoulders.

For all Hinata knew, it could be a wig — the man was not even showing his face, after all. He was aware not all webcam models were professional porn actors. Actually, surprisingly many of them were amateurs, casually jerking off in front the camera in hopes of making a few extra bucks — some of them could even be university students knees deep in debt just like him, with bright futures ahead of them. Naturally, that required them to remain anonymous or their careers could end before they even started.

All of a sudden, Hinata’s thoughts were interrupted when a random video preview started playing on full volume, and he realized he’d accidentally been half leaning on the keyboard the whole time. His hands flew to the volume down button and pressed on it furiously. He should have plugged in headphones first. Fortunately, the clip wasn’t longer than a few seconds, so Hinata just sat there, gawking at the screen.

_This guy definitely lives up to his name…_

A deep sigh left his lungs, followed by the tell-tale sound of a zipper being pulled down.

He scrolled for more videos. The titles varied from something as mild as ”watch me finger myself” to more extreme ones like ”naughty boy needs daddy to punish him”. Judging from the way his dick twitched in interest, he could definitely go for the latter.

There were surprisingly many pages of content — the oldest videos dated far back to when the model must have been something like 19 years old, assuming the age shown on his profile was even real. Hinata was surprised that those hadn’t been deleted already, or put behind a paywall. It had to take hours to go through all of it.

Luckily, it was Friday and he had all night.

* * *

Hinata was sitting at his desk, vaguely listening to the professor talk about an assignment they had apparently done very well on last week. The cup of coffee in front of him had been emptied something like an hour ago.

It was another one of those boring literature review classes and Hinata was nodding off. He hadn’t been sleeping well lately, and his nightly activities bit him back in the ass with low energy levels during the day. One simply couldn’t live off of coffee and energy drinks for that long without ruining their entire study plan. Or at least some of it. So, it was perfectly fine to rest his eyes just for a little while. The professor couldn’t possibly say anything _that_ important during the next fifteen minutes or so.

Except she did. Snapping awake, Hinata learned that apparently there was some group project thing going on and now he had no-one to work with. Great. Just wonderful. Hinata glanced around the lecture hall, desperately trying to locate someone who hadn’t paired up yet. It was hard to tell since they were all sitting down, each in their own seats.

”Is there anyone who’s having trouble finding a pair?” the professor questioned, and Hinata raised his hand, although a bit hesitantly.

He noticed one other student was raising their hand as well.

"Just the two of you, then. Could you work together?”

”Of course, professor,” the other student responded dutifully. Hinata only nodded, trying to get a better look at his partner-to-be.

It was a young man about his age, wearing an olive green oversized sweatshirt, black skinny jeans and a lot of different types of jewelry, mostly metal chains that were hanging from his neck and clothes. It was a somewhat peculiar way to dress in their department, however, what struck about him the most was that mop of white curls. It looked like he hadn’t bothered to brush it before leaving for class in the morning. Hinata found it adorable in a way.

”Looks like we two loners managed to find a pair, after all,” Hinata approached the mystery student after class, while he was packing up his things. ”I’m Hinata Hajime. Haven’t seen you around before.”

”Komaeda Nagito,” the man smiled at him, briefly shaking the hand that was offered to him. ”And yeah, I changed my major, so I believe that’s why.”

Hinata nodded, shuffling his feet a bit awkwardly. ”What did you use to study then?” he decided to ask next, not really wanting the conversation to end there. He wasn’t sure why.

”Literature. I love reading, but I guess studying it wasn’t really my thing,” Komaeda shrugged, laughing pleasantly. ”Murder mysteries are my favorite, they are super interesting to read. I think I’ll never get tired of them.”

They chatted for a while after that, mostly about the project they were supposed to be working on together soon, finally parting ways when they realized they were both headed in the opposite direction.

Komaeda seemed like a pretty chill guy. A bit talkative, sure, but there was something really calming about his presence. And there was something else Hinata couldn’t quite point his finger on. Maybe it would come to him once he got to know the guy better. The project was due by the end of semester, so there was plenty of time to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hinata is a himbo but that’s already canon. Don’t judge him too hard (or me lol)


	2. Befriend him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No matter how long or short, your comments make my day - thank you for leaving them :) 
> 
> The tags have been updated and I’ll keep updating them as new stuff comes up. Without further ado, I hope you'll enjoy this one!

Another Wednesday night, another one of Lucky’s live streams. It was all starting to blur together: the days Hinata spent in anticipation of an event that only happened once a week, a few hours a night, and the countless times he had visited this website, this particular channel. His friends were getting suspicious of him, even going as far as suggesting that he had a secret lover he met exclusively on Wednesdays, and Hinata had to laugh because the truth couldn’t be farther away from that.

Hinata often fantasized what it would feel like to have that gorgeous body in his arms. Would it hurt to grab his bony hips while making love to him? Would his skin be soft? It would probably bruise very easily. He looked more frail than he did athletic, like he’d get tired in the middle of fucking. And then he would let Hinata take control, to do anything he wanted to his body… _Fuck_ , he was so close!

”And that’s it for tonight! Thank you for joining in and don’t forget to buy more tissues for next week’s show~”

”…what? No wait!” Hinata panicked. He had been too engrossed in his own fantasies to notice that the broadcast was already ending.

He started to type furiously.

_no don’t go, gorgeous! i didn’t cum yet_

”Hm, what’s this?” Lucky read his message aloud and chuckled softly, ”Sorry, but I always end my broadcasts on time. You should know that, since you’re a regular.”

Hinata’s ears burned, but that didn’t stop him from trying to persuade the stunning man on the other side of the screen.

_but you’re so sexy, i can’t cum without you!_

”Haha, lucky for you, I don’t have any classes tomorrow, so perhaps I could stay for a few extra minutes if…” he trailed off, rubbing the tips of his fingers together in a gesture that said "pay me".

Hinata swallowed thickly. Well there goes the last of his meager savings he’d managed to lay aside after working his ass off at the construction site last summer. How could he possibly even think of resisting this man? He didn’t hesitate clicking that donate button, picking the largest sum from the predefined list of options. It was by no means the maximum sum that could be donated altogether, but it was still a remarkable amount of money to spend on something like _this_.

Lucky’s mouth fell open in a silent gasp when he saw the donation. Quickly collecting himself, he flashed a smile and cooed, ”Aww, thank you for that, Hajime98! May I call you Hajime? That is your real name, isn’t it?”

Hinata almost choked on his tongue. The object of his deepest desires had just called him by his name! He might actually die.

”Haha, I’m only messing with you!” the man laughed breathily, feigning innocence as he continued, ”I didn’t think you would actually do it, but since you were so generous to a totally unimpressive, dime a dozen camwhore like me, I just may call your name when I cum next time, hm?”

Now it was confirmed: Hinata was definitely going to die. But first he needed to delete his browser history.

* * *

Hinata was starting to get along with Komaeda pretty well. They had decided on weekly study sessions to work on their project, either on Wednesdays or Fridays after class, because Komaeda had trouble committing to a strict schedule due to some of his classes overlapping. Today was an exception, though, because they had gone to the library to grab some books in preparation for Friday’s planned session.

After getting everything they needed from the library, they stayed on campus for a while, chatting about this and that as they walked around with no particular destination in mind. In the short time they had known each other, it was already starting to become a fun little routine of theirs.

Eventually, they got tired of walking and decided to buy drinks from the nearby vending machine, then headed outside to find a place where they could sit down and enjoy the remnants of warm summer air. They soon spotted a free bench but as they approached it, the reason why no-one wanted to sit on it quickly became apparent to them. The bench was covered with sticky leaves, most likely fallen off of a nearby tree.

”I don’t want any mushy leaves sticking to my ass,” Hinata declared. ”Let’s find some other spot.”

But Komaeda had already started shrugging off his expensive-looking coat, and Hinata watched in mild horror as he laid it on the bench carefully. ”Go ahead, Hinata-kun,” he insisted like a total gentleman. There was no way Hinata could refuse, so he sat on top of the coat gingerly. Komaeda took a seat next to him, the coat being long enough to fit them both but short enough that it left far too little personal space between them, however, neither decided to comment on it.

Hinata turned his attention to the can of soda in his hands. The satisfying sound of opening a fizzy beverage rang in his ears as he tried to remain cool and collected next to the man he’d began taking a liking to during the past couple of weeks. He couldn’t explain why, but there was something he enjoyed about the other’s presence.

”Oh look, Hinata-kun! A four-leaf clover,” Komaeda said suddenly and leaned over him, reaching for the grass patch beside his feet. Hinata unconsciously reacted by pressing his own back flat against the bench, trying not to get crushed by a spasmodic Komaeda and his bulging tote bag full of books.

Komaeda picked up the clover swiftly and sat back down on his own side of the bench before Hinata could even open his mouth to say anything. He twirled the four-leaved plant between his fingers, showing it to Hinata. ”They say the chance of finding one is 1 in 10,000 clovers. That means I’m lucky, right?”

Four-leaf clovers were, in fact, supposed to _bring_ you good luck. Hinata wondered why he had phrased it like that.

”Uh, I suppose so. You should keep it. For good luck,” Hinata said thoughtfully, ”The exams will come around sooner than you think.”

”In that case, Hinata-kun can have it. I don’t need any more luck.” Komaeda was now offering him the clover instead. Hinata quirked a questioning eyebrow, not making any motion towards accepting it.

Komaeda smirked at him and then proceeded to push his untamed curls to the side, revealing his neck to him. Hinata became even more confused. Did he want him to bite into his jugular and suck his blood or what?

”I have my own right here,” Komaeda explained and pointed at the side of his neck. Below his left ear, Hinata could see an outline of a small clover, tattooed on his skin with black ink.

”Cool! Didn’t take you for a tattoo person but it looks…tasteful.” Hinata subtly cringed at the shitty compliment he had basically just vomited out. At least Komaeda looked amused rather than annoyed, sparing him from some of the embarrassment. The man only chuckled at him as he pulled away, letting his hair fall back into place.

Hinata’s stomach did a painful little flip of recognition at hearing Komaeda’s laugh. Unmoving, he could only stare.

”Is everything okay? Did I offend you in some way?”

His face grew hot as he kept staring, R-rated clips of a certain white-haired performer’s broadcasts flashing through his mind in HD and full volume.

”Hinata-kun?” Komaeda sounded worried, but Hinata was unable to answer, his brain preoccupied with trying to connect the dots.

_”— lucky for you, I don’t have any classes tomorrow —”_

Hinata froze when he realized it. As a troublesome side effect of the recent campus renovation project, there was a shortage of lecture halls that were spacious enough for them, and the law department was forced to study independently on Thursdays while other, smaller departments claimed the remaining spaces.

But that could simply be a coincidence. 

”Uh, I’m…fine,” he said intelligently. ”Anyway, tomorrow is our day off, so…see you on Friday, I guess!”

”'Day off'? Don’t you mean it’s our independent study day, hm, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda smiled, cocking his head to the side. Hinata wondered whether the suggestive tone he detected in the other student’s voice was simply a result of his wild imagination, or could it be…

He shook his head, perishing the thought. He was just making false conclusions based on a few minor similarities, nothing more. ”Yeah, um, you are right,” he coughed, ”See you. On Friday.”

* * *

That uncanny resemblance plagued Hinata’s mind for rest of the day.

At first, Hinata hadn’t thought it’d be possible for a gentle guy like Komaeda to turn into such a slut in front of the camera and put his naked body on display for all word to see. But as much as he didn’t want to entertain that possibility, Hinata had to admit that they looked alike. A lot. Komaeda’s voice was softer than Lucky’s, it felt tamer and more…real. But that laugh he had heard today — he could have sworn he’d heard it before. Was Komaeda really capable of something like that?

Hinata groaned at his own thoughts, burying his face in a pillow. No, there was simply no way something like that would actually happen to him in his completely ordinary, mundane life.

But the more Hinata thought about it, the more it kept bothering him. In a few hours, when Lucky’s show was scheduled, he would make sure. Now he just needed to wait and hope to God — any god at all — that he was wrong.

Or else he might not know what to do with himself.

The clock on the bottom of his screen read 10:15 PM when he finally dared to open the stream. Hinata hadn’t expected to be so damn nervous, but here he was, sitting on his bed and squinting at the laptop screen from under the covers of his blanket. When he had first seen the thumbnail and the flashing red "LIVE" icon on his front page, somewhere deep inside he already knew. But still, something in the back of his head kept nagging at him that he had to make sure.

And just like that, the live footage of Lucky lounging on his usual spot on the bed popped on his screen. Hinata observed two things: first, he wasn’t naked or only in his undergarment like usual, and second, what he _was_ wearing looked like a school uniform of sorts. To top it all off, it was a girls’ school uniform, complete with _thigh highs_ and everything!

Just when Hinata thought he had seen it all, the camboy decided to lean toward the camera to take a peek at the chat while pinning his hair away from his face, granting Hinata a glimpse of an awfully familiar-looking tattoo.

His stomach twisted and turned. How could this, in any way, be mere a coincidence?

Hinata could feel a bead of sweat form on his temple as he watched the camboy’s hands slide up his own body, pausing to tweak his pert nipples through the opened shirt front as he bit down on his lower lip suggestively. He wasn’t wearing any underwear, and the pleated skirt had hiked too high up to cover anything, really.

”Are you guys getting a good view there?” he asked as if he had read Hinata’s thoughts. It was the same voice Lucky had always used, but all he could hear was Komaeda. ”Ah, I just remembered! I didn’t do my homework…how naughty of me. Should I be punished, chat?”

The chat flooded with raunchy messages in seconds, telling him to do all kinds of things to himself as a punishment. Normally Hinata would be among the first ones to suggest something, but now he couldn’t think of anything. He didn’t _want_ to think of anything.

”Ooh, a butt plug? To prevent me from fucking myself? That’s too cruel!” Lucky put a hand on his mouth in a mock gasp. ”I’ll do it!” he said in an oddly enthusiastic voice and vanished from the screen for a minute.

Even though it didn’t take long for him to return, Hinata wondered why he was still watching the show. But he didn’t stop when Lucky pressed his fingers inside himself, nor did he stop when he slipped in that plug soon after. And when he started to moan at his own touches, one hand rubbing up and down the shaft, he still didn’t stop.

Hinata had never had any particular face in mind when he fantasized about Lucky. Sometimes it was a faceless figure with a wild mop of white hair, and some other times he pictured him wearing a mask that covered the upper half of his face, but revealed the lips. This time, however, he could clearly see Komaeda’s familiar face twisted in a not-so-familiar expression.

It was now perfectly clear to him that his fellow student, his _project partner_ was on the other side of the screen, crossdressing and touching himself in front of the camera.

Then, why, oh why did he have to get hard now?

.

.

.

(Sadly, that wasn’t even his least proud fap.)

* * *

Hinata was standing outside the classroom, waiting. They had agreed to go to the nearby cafe to work on their project, but Komaeda had left the class early for some unknown reason and was yet to return. After ten minutes or so, he finally showed up.

”Hinata-kun!” he greeted, a little out of breath from running. ”Sorry I’m late. I had something to take care of.”

There was no mistake. It had to be him.

Hinata scanned the surroundings, but there was no-one around. It was now or never.

”You are Lucky Lewd,” he said. It wasn’t a question, nor was it an accusation either. ”For so long, I had no idea. I only recognized you because of the tattoo you showed me the other day.”

Hinata watched for any reaction, but Komaeda’s face was completely blank, so he kept speaking. ”The tattoo he had on the show — it was the same. And you sound and look…just like him. I know this because I watch your show every w—”

_Wait a minute, did he just blatantly admit to being his fan?_

”You’re Hajime? _That_ Hajime?” Komaeda asked calmly, finally meeting Hinata’s eyes, his own pale green ones narrowed in suspicion.

”My nickname is Hajime98, so yes, I am him,” he frowned, ”I think, unless you are referring to some other Hajime I am not aware of.”

”Great,” Komaeda huffed, clearly annoyed at Hinata finding out about his secret. ”Who even uses their own name on a porn site?”

Hinata felt a sudden wave of shame washing over him. All those things he had typed in the chat under that stupid nickname, thinking nobody would ever find out. Calling Komaeda by names he would never say aloud, always telling him how sexy he was, admitting to using him as fap material several times… It was all too much for him to bear right now. He cast his eyes down in guilt and shame.

Breaking the grave silence, Komaeda suddenly spoke in a cheerful voice, ”Well, I suppose there is nothing I can do, since you already found out about it. However —” Something dangerous flashed in Komaeda’s eyes when Hinata finally met his gaze. ”I would appreciate it if you kept this information to yourself,” he finished, switching his expression to the usual carefree smile. This time, Hinata felt something akin to fear, which was far from the pleasant feeling that normally flooded him every time Komaeda smiled at him.

”O-of course,” Hinata uttered hoarsely. His throat felt extremely dry, he needed something to drink. ”Are we still going to get that coffee?”

Fifteen minutes later they were sitting across the table from one another in a quiet coffee shop near the campus, paying attention to their drinks rather than each other. Hinata supposed they both had their own worries to contend with.

Again, it was Komaeda who spoke first. ”I suppose you have some questions.”

Hinata’s head perked in attention. _As his fan?_

”When all is said and done, we’ll still be project partners. I wouldn’t want to cause needless problems that could affect our co-operation.”

_Not as his fan, then._

Hinata shrugged. He didn’t know where to begin. _Hell,_ he didn’t even know what he could ask about without embarrassing either himself or Komaeda.

”Uh, I don’t really mind you being a… I mean, it’s your business where your money comes from, not like I have any say in that.” Well, some of it had originally been Hinata’s money, he remembered regrettably. ”I assume you do it to fund your studies, right?” he inquired, as discreetly as possible.

Komaeda hummed as he pondered the question, pale fingers tapping against his lips. As always, Hinata’s eyes followed the man’s movements rather intently. ”More or less, yes,” he finally answered, smiling ambiguously. He picked up the spoon from the saucer and began stirring his coffee silently, leaving Hinata with more questions than answers.

”Does anyone else know? About you?” Hinata asked, wanting to know if he was the only one who had learned about Komaeda’s dirty little secret.

”Not really,” the man shrugged and lifted the cup to his lips, concealing his expression.

No other questions came to his mind. Anything that wasn’t entirely inappropriate, that was. Lost in deep thought, Hinata stared past Komaeda, eyes fixing on the the wall behind him. He supposed this whole situation could have unfolded in a much more catastrophic manner. Komaeda hadn’t completely freaked out like a normal person perhaps would have, and Hinata himself felt that he’d managed to preserve at least some of his dignity. It definitely could have been much, _much_ worse.

”I don’t fuck just anyone,” Komaeda said, completely out of the blue. ”Even if it’s you, Hinata-kun. I have high standards. I may act like a whore on camera, but I am not an _actual_ whore.”

So it was only for the show? Hinata could respect that… _Wait_ , did he just imply Hinata wanted to have sex with him? Perhaps he had mistaken his intense gaze as something less than innocent. And what did he mean by saying "even if it was him"?

Komaeda chortled behind his cup, lowering it to the table again. Hinata now realized that he had been gaping at him, expressions flashing across his face like a PowerPoint presentation.

”There is no shame in it, Hinata-kun. As a fan of mine — considering the nature of my show — you’ve probably thought about having sex with me at least once.”

Suppressing a frustrated groan, Hinata buried his burning face in his palms. Of course he had! And not just once or twice but multiple times, so many times that he would have lost count long time ago if he ever started counting in the first place.

”Doesn’t it bother you, then?” he asked, finally peeking from behind his fingers to watch the other man’s expression.

”What exactly? You being my fan?” Hinata nodded in confirmation. ”Not at all,” Komaeda waved his hand dismissively, like it was nothing. ”I’m doing it for my fans’ pleasure, after all.”

Hinata raised an eyebrow at that. ”I thought you were doing it to pay off the student loan?”

”Did I say that?” Komaeda tilted his head, a playful smile on his lips.

Hinata was once again trying to fight off the heat that had never completely left his face in the first place. Why was this man so unfairly sexy? And why did it have to affect him like this?

”Hinata-kun is so cute! I might let you fuck me after all.”

”Y-you would?”

”I mean, why not? In fact, I have a high libido, but also high standards when it comes to partners, which means I often get lonely in my apartment, being forced to take care of it all by myself,” Komaeda explained, sighing melancholically. Hinata found it difficult not to imagine that. ”It’s not like I see myself above of others, quite the contrary. I simply have no interested in having sex with anyone who is less than remarkable.”

”Not that you seem to have any special talent whatsoever, but I suppose getting accepted into this university is somewhat remarkable in itself,” Komaeda concluded, smiling as if he hadn’t basically insulted Hinata to his face. ”And I just happen to like you, Hinata-kun. So consider this an act of kindness from me. Would you not want to fulfill your fantasies with me?”

”Yeah, but —”

”Just don’t fall in love with me.”

Hinata blinked. He had no idea what he was supposed to say to that. Following Komaeda’s train wreck of thoughts that poured out of his mouth unfiltered was confusing to the max.

”What do you say, Hinata-kun? Will you have sex with me?”

”Right now?”


	3. Screw his brains out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I didn’t expect such a positive reception, I’m gobsmacked by all your support!! I edited the shit out of this chapter and now it’s almost 5k whoopsie,,, Take it ’cause I might not post another chapter for a while, I really should focus on uni rather than y’know, write fics about it…
> 
> Anyways, bring your buckets and mops for this one — it’s F I L T H Y

After a long, dragged-out discussion of whose place they should go to, they ended up renting a room at a love hotel. It was less expensive than staying at a regular one, and as a cheap student, Hinata couldn’t afford to complain — even if it was painfully obvious to anyone who happened to witness them what they were going to do there. It was a big city and the location wasn’t anywhere near their campus, but still, Hinata presumed Komaeda would get pissed at him if someone they knew saw them together like this.

Or maybe he wouldn’t. Today had been proof enough that he had no idea what really went through Komaeda’s head.

The elevator ride was made in silence. Now that they were actually here, Hinata could feel the creeping anxiety catch up to him. He wiped his sweaty palms on his trousers, trying his hardest to remain calm. Every time he glanced sideways at Komaeda, he was staring right back, smiling at him like he knew something Hinata didn’t. It made him even more anxious, knowing that he probably did.

What if he was too nervous to get it up? Or what if his sex skills were overall insufficient to satisfy someone like Komaeda? Would he sneer at him and leave? But he’d been so courteous to Hinata before…

The elevator came to a jolting stop, and Hinata jumped, heart leaping from his chest. The doors slid open with a ding; a young couple stood on the other side, waiting to hop in. Hinata was so focused on trying to avoid looking conspicuous that he almost forgot they were supposed to exit on this floor.

He scrambled after Komaeda, mumbling an apology to the couple when he nearly bumped into them in his haste, mentally cursing himself and his lagging brain. He mustn’t fuck this up now.

”Hinata-kun, the key,” Komaeda said and looked at him expectantly, already waiting by the door to their room.

"Right.” Hinata dug into his back pocket and whipped out the key card, inserting it into the slot on the door with shaky hands.

Once inside the room, the door behind them shut tightly, a silence fell between the two again. It wasn’t necessarily awkward, but the air around them felt heavy and Hinata could almost taste the anticipation.

After they had both taken their shoes off, Komaeda turned to him. ”I need to take a shower first. Wait here.” And with that, he was gone.

Hinata could hear the shower running in the bathroom soon after. In the meantime, his eyes roved over the red and white room. The interior design wasn’t nearly as hideous as he thought it would be; for a love hotel, it was rather tasteful.

Fortunately, they hadn't paid for the whole night, because Hinata didn’t want to stay too long in a room where bunch of other people had done the same thing they’d come here to do. He’d heard plenty of horror stories about the rudimentary cleaning process of hotel rooms but didn’t want to think about it too much right now.

After a few minutes, the door clicked open, and Hinata snapped out of his thoughts. Komaeda was wearing his skinny jeans and t-shirt, but the other articles of clothing he’d previously worn were bundled up in his hands. Letting them fall to the floor casually, he advanced on him, and Hinata saw his damp chest sticking to the sheer material of his shirt. Now face to face with him, he could even discern the tiny droplets of water on his skin that had yet to dry off.

”You can touch me now, Hinata-kun.”

”Y-yeah, um…okay,” Hinata said, wondering where to even start. This whole situation felt absurd, and he had no idea what would be the appropriate next move. He’d never hooked up with someone like this. He wasn’t even sure if this was actually happening, or if he had inhaled hallucinogens by accident. The latter definitely seemed more likely than being allowed to bang a sexy webcam model who had thousands of followers, but somehow just happened to become _his_ project partner and request _his_ assistance, of all people.

His eyes roamed over Komaeda’s body which — without a doubt — had just been dressed up for him to undress. Hinata wanted to touch _all_ of him, but his hands were as good as paralyzed, arms pressed tightly to his sides. He really should’ve ordered something stronger than coffee at the cafe.

”Hinata-kun looks like he needs some help,” Komaeda chuckled and took both of his hands in his own, guiding them to his waist. Eventually, Hinata took the hint and enclosed his hands around him properly. Simply resting his hands there for a while helped him soothe his nerves a little. ”Now kiss me.”

Hinata didn’t need to be told twice. He grabbed Komaeda’s face with both hands and pulled him closer. Pausing for a second to appreciate his delicate features, Hinata moved his thumb to press against the tinted lower lip, a succulent contrast to his pale complex. Komaeda’s breath hitched, ashen eyelashes fluttering as he leaned even closer. Hinata gently forced his lips apart and had to resist the urge to push his fingers inside that pretty mouth.

”Shit,” he uttered, completely infatuated, and closed that final gap between their lips.

Komaeda tasted like…strawberries. Lip balm? Whatever it was, he tasted divine and Hinata wanted more. So he took what he could and kissed the other man greedily, sliding his tongue inside when Komaeda opened his mouth to gasp. Before long, wet sounds filled the air as their tongues swirled and rubbed against each other.

Gaining courage, Hinata’s hands started to wander, sneaking under Komaeda’s t-shirt to feel up his snatched waist, probing at the ribs that stuck out of his skin slightly. In return, Komaeda dropped his hands from Hinata’s shoulders to fondle his chest through his shirt, humming against his lips admiringly as he traced along the curve of his pecs. Hinata had built some extra muscle thanks to his job at the construction site, and now he could rest assured that one summer break wasted sweating under the sun hadn’t been such a bad idea after all.

When they both ran out of air and had to pull away to catch their breaths, Komaeda seized that opportunity to push Hinata against the nearest wall and started to tug at his belt. Hinata opened his mouth to say something, but Komaeda had already unbuckled his belt and dropped to his knees before he could utter one single world.

”Have you ever fucked a man before?” Komaeda asked, still a little out of breath, gazing up at him while working his zipper open.

”Uh…no.”

”Well you’re about to, so you better be prepared.”

 _You didn’t give me any time to prepare, though,_ Hinata thought resentfully.

”It’ll take a little more effort compared to a girl…but surely you know that already,” Komaeda said, and this time the implication was quite obvious to him. Komaeda already knew too much about his ”preferences” and it almost made him regret ever bringing this whole thing up in the first place. Almost.

Without any warning, Komaeda tugged down both his pants and boxers, just enough to free his aching dick. ”Well, aren’t you fat and juicy down there,” he licked his lips almost comically, eyes fixed on Hinata’s cock, ”As expected of Hinata-kun! I knew you had to be impressive in one way or another.”

”Do you really need to say stuff like that aloud?” Hinata hissed, his face practically sizzling from the heat of embarrassment. Komaeda’s shamelessness was on completely another level, and honestly, Hinata couldn’t handle it. He bet he was doing this on purpose, just to rile him up.

Komaeda smirked rather cockily and leaned in to press a teasing kiss on the head of Hinata’s cock. Then, he glided his lips down the shaft, keeping the touch feather-light until he reached the base. Hinata was breathing heavily through his nose, the back of his hand pressed against his mouth just in case some unwanted noises threatened to slip past his lips. That had been a good call, because Komaeda’s next move was to lick him all the way up to the tip, applying more pressure than before.

Hinata was so aroused that if Komaeda started to properly blow him now, he would nut in one second. Maybe even quicker. Because Komaeda was just so fucking hot right now, on his knees in front him, ready to suck cock exactly like in one of his numerous daydreams. Too bad he was so horny for the man that he couldn’t even enjoy this experience as much as he wanted to. But this wasn’t all about him. He could touch Komaeda now, make him feel good in turn.

”A-alright, that’s enough! Up you go,” Hinata warned before hooking his arms under Komaeda’s and lifting him on his feet. Komaeda looked a little surprised, but Hinata didn’t give him much time to dwell on it as he dived in to capture his lips in a heated kiss.

The bed was too far away — _the couch will have to do_ , he thought and backed Komaeda against the red velvet seat which resembled a huge heart. It was almost disgusting how cliché it was, but Hinata had better things to do than gag at an ugly piece of furniture. He made his partner sit on top of the many heart-shaped cushions and sank to his knees in front of him, positioning himself between the white-haired man’s legs.

”I like your assets,” Komaeda giggled at him, gaze fixed on something way below his eye level.

”My wh-what?” Hinata frowned and looked down at his chest, now feeling very much betrayed by the white button-up shirt he was wearing. One traitorous button had popped open on its own _god knows when_ , but Hinata sure hoped not before entering their room, that would’ve been mortifying.

A small part of him wanted to tell Komaeda to shut his mouth and stop looking at him, but Hinata decided to distract him by claiming his lips instead. He got rid of his partner’s jeans smoothly — well, as smoothly as one could with jeans as tight as Komaeda’s while trying to shove a tongue down the other’s throat. Hinata then went on to press open-mouthed kisses on Komaeda’s jaw and neck while slinking his hands under his shirt with one goal in mind.

A needy whine escaped Komaeda when Hinata rubbed his nipples in circles, trying to get them hard enough so he could suck on them. He’d known Komaeda was sensitive to this type of play, but it still stroked his ego to see him respond to his touches that well. He yanked the shirt up to get better access, grazing his teeth over one hardened nipple, making Komaeda shiver under his touch. He took the reddened bud in his mouth and sucked hard. Komaeda moaned loudly in response, tossing his head back and sinking further into the pile of decorative pillows.

”Fuck, you sound sexy,” Hinata breathed and licked his way to the other nipple. Since he couldn’t put them both in his mouth at the same time (he really wished he could), he settled for rolling the one he wasn’t sucking on between two fingers.

At the point at which Hinata finally took mercy on his partner and let him go with one last pinch and bite, Komaeda was practically trembling with need.

”Hinata-kun,” he demanded, voice thick with need, and raised his arms so Hinata could help him out of his shirt. Pulling away to get rid of the undergarments as well, Hinata glanced down, and then did a double take. He only now realized that he was wearing a _thong_. A plain black thong which explicitly showed off the curve of his arousal.

”There’s no way I could fit anything else under those skinny jeans,” Komaeda shrugged and lifted one leg to kick at Hinata’s chest playfully. ”I need you,” he said, biting at his bottom lip while dragging his foot all the way down to Hinata’s cock. It was still straining against the fabric of his underwear, and Komaeda’s teasing didn’t help _at all_.

Hinata asked if they had anything to use as lubricant, and Komaeda responded that he should have a bottle of lube somewhere in his bag by the door.

”I’ll uh…go get it then.”

It was rather embarrassing to go through the other man’s things, but Hinata managed to locate the small bottle of lube after fumbling around only for a bit. Unbeknownst to him, Komaeda hopped off the couch while he had his back turned.

When Hinata came back, he saw Komaeda on the bed on his hands and knees, ready and waiting for Hinata to hurry up and join him already. White strands of messy hair fell to the side as he turned to look at him over his shoulder, whining impatiently.

”Hinata-kun, please! I… I can’t take it anymore,” he panted, knees digging into the mattress as he lifted his hips, presenting himself to Hinata.

Komaeda knew _exactly_ what he was doing to him.

Hinata moved as in a trance, every fiber of his being enchanted by Komaeda’s sinful antics. Before he could even comprehend what he was doing, he was already sitting on the bed, hands on Komaeda’s ass. There was not too much to grab on to, but it still looked plump and perfectly fuckable.

Slowly, but purposefully, Hinata hooked his fingers under the soft fabric of his thong and _pulled_.

”A- _ahn_!” Komaeda moaned, lurching forward on the bed. The narrow strap comprising the back of his thong was pressed deeper into the crack of his ass, rubbing against his entrance. ”T-that…feels— _ah_!” he tried to speak, but failed when Hinata snaked his thumbs there, spreading his cheeks and exposing his hole.

Possessed by a sudden need to take the man apart, Hinata stretched the strap, pulling it to the side with one thumb before leaning in to lick at him. He teased the rim with his tongue, not quite pushing inside, but applying enough pressure drive the other man crazy. Just when Komaeda was getting adjusted to the sensation, Hinata wrapped his hand around his cock for double the stimulation, jerking him off and eating him out simultaneously.

”Yes…! Yes, _oh god_ , keep going —!”

Then, he pulled away abruptly, letting the band smack against Komaeda’s bottom painfully.

”Ow!” Komaeda whipped his head around to look at him accusingly, but Hinata could see his pupils were blown out. He was turned on by this.

Hinata apologized and cupped the reddening cheek, squishing it in his palm. ”I’ll be more careful,” he promised as he fumbled around for the bottle of lube with his other hand, popping the cap open and coating his fingers with the gel-like substance.

Komaeda reacted to the sound, lifting his hips so Hinata could tug down the thong with one hand while warming up the gel in the other. Unlike him, Komaeda was so natural at this that it made Hinata a little jealous of the bunch of unknown people the man had presumably slept with before him.

But all that was soon forgotten when Komaeda spread his knees for him, and Hinata was feeling ecstatic when he finally got to press his finger in that pink little opening. Having seen a variety of objects get thrust into that same hole over the past few months, many of them much bigger than Hinata’s index finger, he’d expected it to sink right in, but was left with surprise when that didn’t happen.

As if Komaeda had just read his thoughts, he said, ”Ah, I’m sorry. Did you expect it to be loose?” Laughing somewhat nervously, he then continued, ”I’m not some common cum dumpster, Hinata-kun, but if that’s what you want to think of me, I can prepare myself first and then —”

Hinata’s head was reeling. Once again, he couldn’t make any sense of Komaeda. Like. At all.

First, he gives the idea that Hinata is barely allowed to sleep with him, and now he acts like he’s somehow lower than him? _What the hell?_

”— of me to give you the impression that I deserve anything more than a quick and dirty fuck. Of course, I would never assume —”

Or could it be that this was just some twisted kink Komaeda had? Suddenly putting himself down and acting submissive, expecting Hinata to… To do what exactly? He honestly wasn’t sure what Komaeda truly wanted of him, but he was sure of one thing.

He really needed to fuck this man before he completely lost his mind.

Trying to distract Komaeda from his self-deprecating, out-of-nowhere rambling, Hinata pressed his finger fully inside, shutting him up rather effectively. He wanted to make sure it would stay that way, so he began to thrust his finger in and out promptly, exploring the warm depth of his partner, and soon the tight ring of muscle gave way to another finger.

Hinata watched in awe as his lube-drenched fingers disappeared inside Komaeda, admiring the way his hole clenched around his digits each time he retracted them. The lewd squelching, as well as the little whining noises Komaeda made went straight to his dick. Never in his life ever had he wanted to thrust into something _this_ badly.

But there was one thing Hinata needed to do first. Since this was far from Komaeda’s first time getting finger-fucked, he didn’t want to disappoint his more experienced partner, so he tried his best to locate that one spot, forcing Komaeda’s hips even higher in search of the perfect angle.

Arms already trembling from the strain, Komaeda let out a strangled moan when Hinata’s fingers pressed against his prostate — ”Right _there,_ Hinata-kun!” — and collapsed onto bed, elbows giving out under him. He turned his head so he could look at Hinata, one cheek flat against the mattress as he smiled at him, ”Aha…you found it. I’m impressed.”

”Yeah? Is it that good?” Hinata asked in a raspy voice. He was starting to get pretty riled up himself, it seemed. Komaeda only hummed in agreement. ”Want me to keep at it?” The other man nodded eagerly, which was good, since Hinata wasn’t planning on stopping anytime soon. He needed to memorize this place for later, so poked and prodded at it until Komaeda was nothing but a drooling mess on the bed.

”Hinaaa… _mmh_ …”

”—nata…kun!”

Komaeda was clearly trying to say something, but nothing coherent came out of his mouth. Hinata pulled his fingers out and flipped him over, taking a good look at the wreck of a man he had made Komaeda turn into. Eyes darkened with lust, rosy cheeks, wavy white hair fanning out against the mattress beneath…such a captivating sight. He was trying to catch his breath, chest heaving, erect nipples out in the open, and that gorgeous cock standing proudly between his milky legs. Lastly, he looked at the puckered entrance, glistening with lube and begging to be filled.

”Just fuck me already,” he commanded, and Hinata couldn’t agree more. Hurriedly, he unbuttoned his shirt and balled it up before throwing it over his shoulder. He took off his pants and boxers next, nearly tripping over himself in the process. Now he was fully nude, for the first time in front of Komaeda, no less. He would’ve felt at least a little bit self-conscious if it wasn’t for Komaeda’s praising gaze, lustful eyes drifting down his body and stopping to stare hungrily at his rock-hard dick as he lathered it with a generous amount of lube.

Hinata wasted no time crawling over Komaeda and hoisting the man’s leg over his shoulder with one hand while clasping his erection with the other. Just as he was about to push inside, he remembered something important that had almost slipped his mind in the heat of the moment.

”What about condoms?”

”Don’t have any.”

”Me neither.” There was no way he could’ve predicted his little confrontation would lead to this kind of an outcome. They were already lucky enough that Komaeda happened to be carrying lube around in his bag. ”Shit. What do we do now?”

Honestly, Hinata didn’t want to stop here, but he wasn’t reckless or stupid enough to fuck a person he didn’t even know that well without a condom. ”We can probably buy them…from somewhere around here. Since this is a love hotel and all.”

”Just do it. I’m clean. I’ve never let anyone bareback me before.”

Hinata gulped audibly, feeling his resistance crumble under the alluring pair of green eyes. Well, maybe he _was_ horny enough to do just that. ”Are you sure about this?”

”Yes, Hinata-kun. Now give it to me or I’ll do it myself!”

Doing as he was told, Hinata pushed his length inside slowly, biting into Komaeda’s neck to suppress a loud groan. _God,_ he was tight. Komaeda was panting heavily, his breath warm and moist against his ear as he held onto Hinata’s shoulders for support.

He bottomed out pretty quickly, and the heavenly sensation of Komaeda’s heat around him felt almost unreal. Komaeda was clearly no virgin, being able to take dick so easily. And Hinata was by no means small. ”You’re so good,” he murmured, nuzzling onto his partner’s neck as he waited for them both to adjust.

”Move,” Komaeda told him eventually and hooked his long legs around Hinata’s waist, trying to pull him closer. That caused Hinata to struggle with balance, making him shift deeper inside the other man, and he had to brace one arm against the bed to prevent himself from toppling over Komaeda. They both moaned, and Hinata had to close his eyes for a second to calm down.

Staring down at Komaeda from this new position, Hinata gave a few experimental thrusts, monitoring his expression for any sign of discomfort. When he was sure he detected none, he picked up the pace, building a rhythm. Komaeda assisted him, holding Hinata’s hips to guide his movements, and soon he was meeting every thrust Hinata gave him in perfect sync.

It was hot, slippery and tighter than he could have imagined. The carnal sound of skin slapping against skin felt loud in his ears, and Komaeda’s moans bounced off the walls as Hinata started to pound into him relentlessly. The friction was enough to make him lose his mind, and Hinata’s instincts were screaming at him to take, claim, _consume_.

”Is that — _ah_ — all you’ve got?” Komaeda challenged, taunting him and daring him to go _even harder_ as if he wasn’t already getting pounded into oblivion. That was the final straw.

Hinata paused his movements and pushed his upper body off the mattress, sitting back on his legs. He then dragged Komaeda closer to him by the hips, placing him back on his cock. Komaeda let his own arms fall onto the bed, on either side of his head, and gazed up at Hinata in anticipation.

”Don’t complain to me if your ass hurts tomorrow,” Hinata grumbled. He wasn’t going to take responsibility for his actions anymore; it was all Komaeda’s own doing, and Hinata was a mere pawn in his clutches.

He gripped Komaeda’s hips with both hands and started plunging into him with renewed vigor. After one well-aimed thrust, Komaeda’s back arched off the bed, his eyes wide and mouth hanging open in a moan, which withered on his lips halfway through. Hinata did it again, and this time a small, broken cry escaped him. That had to be his hot spot. He wanted to hear more, so he kept slamming into him, making sure to hit that spot with each thrust.

” _You_ , how are you so —” Komaeda cut himself off with a breathy moan, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, utterly lost in pleasure. ” _God_ , that’s…ah, I’m gonna —”

”Don’t cum yet, Komaeda,” Hinata told him, slowing down to a halt. ”I want to do you from behind. Can you stand?”

Lying half on the mattress, half on Hinata’s lap, Komaeda looked thoroughly rawed already; Hinata was still buried deep inside him, and his own cock was achingly hard and leaking on his stomach, completely forgotten.

”Hnnn…mmm,” Komaeda answered, whatever that meant. He tried to get up, but his legs were quivering, and it looked like he wouldn’t be able to support his own weight.

It was convenient that Komaeda was light and pretty easy to manhandle. Hinata lifted him off his cock and flipped him over, guiding him forward on the bed until he was just a few centimeters away from the red linen headboard.

Without a warning, he took him again, and Komaeda slammed his hands on the headboard in surprise. ”Hinata-kun, please,” he sobbed desperately — asking for what, Hinata was not sure, but he probably wanted release.

And so did Hinata, but he might not get a chance to do this ever again. He needed to savor this moment, just for a little while longer. So he fucked into him slowly, precisely, rubbing against his prostate and coaxing more of those delicious sounds out of him. Back against chest, he held onto him tightly. It felt intimate, being this close to the other man, almost like they were actual lovers. Not caring if he was allowed to do this, Hinata mouthed his neck, breathing in his unique scent and committing it to memory.

Komaeda, who was still holding onto the headboard, didn’t seem to care either. He was clearly out of it, and the only thing he probably did care about was that dick inside of him and the hand that had wrapped around his arousal at last.

It wasn’t long before Hinata could feel Komaeda’s walls tighten around his length, his own orgasm building in response. Only seconds later, he came with a low groan, spilling himself inside the man, and kept rocking into him until he was finished. As loud as Komaeda had been before, the throaty sound he made when he reached his climax was almost silent in comparison.

Komaeda slumped against the headboard, spent and limp as a rag doll. Hinata instinctively hugged him for a good five minutes as he basked in the tingling afterglow. Coming back down from his high, he slipped out of him a little reluctantly, taking a step back to watch his semen drip out of Komaeda’s wrecked ass and form a pool of white on the sheets. There was an urge to try and push it back inside, just to be able to witness that sight once again, but Hinata resisted it. He needed to take a long, cold shower.

”You okay there?” he asked, a little worried that he had somehow broken the man. Komaeda nodded weakly, resting his forehead against the headboard. Hinata couldn’t see his face but he assumed he was okay. At least he’d confirmed he wasn’t dead. ”I call dibs on the shower, then.”

In the bathroom, Hinata scrubbed himself from head to toe with the flowery smelling shower products, courtesy of the hotel. He ended up not spending that much time in the shower and got out once the stickiness was gone; he assumed Komaeda probably wanted to wash himself off, too. He wrapped a clean towel around his waist, returning to the main room only to find the bed empty.

”Komaeda?” he called, but there was no answer.

A deep frown formed on his face as he scanned over the room, trying to find any clue that would hint at the man’s whereabouts. Did he really just fucking _leave?_ In that state, no less? He searched the entire room, just to be certain, but there was nothing. Not even a note.

Hinata felt his heart sink. This was bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for another cliffhanger but I really needed to end it here. As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this chapter~!


	4. Deal with initial rejection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: Okay I'm now tagging this as slight dubcon because Komaeda's actions are kinda questionable and Hinata is a bit unsure at first but only for like a minute and it's definitely consensual at the end
> 
> Edit 2: Somehow I fucked up and deleted almost half the tags??? It should be fixed now

The next Monday came rolling around fast, or at least that’s how it felt for Hinata when he’d been sleeping away for most of the weekend in his pity-inducing depression cave.He’d done a good job getting out of bed in the morning, but it most likely had more to do with the steadily declining cleanliness state of his apartment rather than an actual eagerness to get to a morning class.

Hinata's mental state had already been up and down throughout university, but it had been a long time since that last terrible downward spiral.This, however, was all thanks to Komaeda, or rather his own ignorance regarding the issue. Could he have guessed it’d end up like this? Yes, he’d known it in the back of his mind from the very start and there was no doubt about it. But had he done anything to avoid that situation? Absolutely fucking not.

Mostly, he'd beaten himself up about being so immensely naive to think that he could just tap that ass once and somehow be able to maintain a casual relationship with him at university afterwards. Seriously, what had he expected, being his fan and all? He was so royally fucked.

He still had no idea why Komaeda had bolted off the second he'd got his sacks emptied. Was that just how one night stands worked in real life? How would Hinata know? All his knowledge about the topic came from TV shows, overly exaggerated stories he’d heard from his friends, and, well…porn. Speaking of which, how could he jerk off to Lucky Lewd anymore without thinking about Nagito Komaeda? He would definitely have to quit that or there’d be no way he could look Komaeda in the eye during their study sessions, even less than now.

Hinata didn’t know what to make of the complete one-eighty his personality had done the other day, either. There was this well-mannered, slightly awkward version of Komaeda he’d come to know through that one fateful class. And then there was his Lucky persona. Was one of them just an act? If so, which one was the real Komaeda?

Sighing, Hinata picked up his sandwich and ripped the package open with a bit too much force than was required. There he sat, at the cafeteria table, once again torturing himself with these questions. He knew he wouldn’t reach the answer by mulling it over and over in his head like a complete fool, but for some reason he could hardly think about anything else anymore.

Hinata wondered what Komaeda was up to now. They didn’t share any other classes, so it was highly unlikely he would run into him on campus. It pained him to realize that he didn’t even know if he’d returned home safe that night. He didn’t dare to text him, though, but Komaeda hadn’t texted him either, so there’s that.

And where the hell was Souda? He was so going to whoop his ass for being late. _Again._

After wolfing down half of his sandwich, Hinata sipped on his juice grumpily, and then, lo and behold, Mr Mechanic finally decided to grace him with his presence.

”Yo, Hajime!” the pink-haired man greeted, smiling sheepishly at him.

”Seriously? This is the fourth time in a row, Kazuichi. We never see each other anymore,” he complained.

Souda set his tray of food down with a sigh. ”I know, bro. I’m sorry but I’ve been keeping real busy with this new robotics project we’re doing. Besides, this isn’t even my main campus, how do ya expect me to show up for lunch every day when I need to take like two buses to get here?”

Hinata shrugged and gave him a look that said: ”Fair enough, I’ll let you off the hook this time.”

Souda let out a loud whew, wiping imaginary sweat off his forehead before sitting down and fixing his beanie. ”Anyway, did your secret girlfriend dump you or why that sour face?”

Hinata choked on his drink, most of it sputtering out of his mouth before he could do anything about it. He hit on his chest to calm the fit of coughs that followed.

”Dude, next time try to aim at yourself!” Souda wailed in disgust, toweling the orange drops off his arms and the tray in front of him. Hinata gave him an apologetic look, even though he thought his friend was being a bit overdramatic.

”What’s with that reaction? Was I right?” he asked, perking up suddenly, then frowning again. ”You didn’t even come to our Discord hangout. You've never missed one before!”

”Come to think of it, that was on Friday. Didn’t you guys use to meet up on Wednesdays?”

Hinata squeezed the carton a bit too hard at that, the remaining juice dripping down his arm onto the table.

”There’s no use crying over spilled milk! Sonia-san rejected me only two months ago and I’m already fine,” Souda said with a wide grin, giving him a thumbs up.

…that wasn’t reassuring in the least.

Not paying any mind to Hinata’s lack of reaction, he continued, ”I heard she’s now seeing some guy who does this creepy show on some shady website —”

Hinata stopped listening. Yeah no, he was definitely not over her. That guy was such a hardcore simp his condition had to be incurable.

”You know what, I’m gonna go get a new one. Thanks for that, by the way.” He waved the now empty carton at Souda’s face and got up from the table. He wasn’t really that thirsty anymore, but he’d had to make up an excuse, or he would expose himself sooner than he was ready.

Ugh, why was he being such a pussy? He couldn’t even tell his best friend the truth. So pathetic.

He approached the lunch line, eyeing the counter where cold drinks were served. Every student he so much as glanced at scattered around him, giving way to Hinata as if they were scared of him. It was probably his brooding face, he’d been told he could look menacing when he was in a foul mood. They wouldn’t pay attention to him otherwise, that’s just how unremarkable he was.

Right when he was about to grab a brand-new juice box from the cooler, someone grabbed his arm and started to drag him away from the counter, towards the exit.

Hinata turned to look at the offender, brow twitching in irritation when his self-pity party on the lunch line had come to an abrupt end. ”Hey! What gives —?”

Oh. It was Komaeda.

He looked good in his usual pair of tight black jeans and an oversized sweater, an outfit that both accentuated and concealed his lithe frame, balancing the overall look. He really was a stunner, and apparently nothing could change that… But why the hell was he here right now? Hinata had assumed he wanted nothing to do with him now that his needs had been satisfied — of course, apart from the group project they still had to complete.

Hinata cleared his throat. ”Um. Our meeting’s not supposed to be today, so why —”

”Come, quick! I just checked and there’s no-one in the council room,” Komaeda interrupted, a manic look in his eyes as he continued to drag the dumbstruck Hinata along with him, heading to the wing where their department was based in.

”Wha—? But I was just having lunch with a friend! This really isn’t a good time, Komaeda,” Hinata protested, tearing his arm away from the other man’s grip and accidentally scraping himself on his nails in the process. Komaeda ignored him and began pushing him down the corridor instead, and this time Hinata let him.

Soon he found himself in the empty student council room, cornered against the door by Komaeda. He was leering down at him, the normally barely noticeable height difference now both annoying _and_ intimidating Hinata.

”You didn’t let me blow you last time. It’s only polite to allow me to do that now.”

”By what logic, if I may ask?” Hinata disputed, not believing his ears, and then almost yelped when Komaeda shoved a hand down his pants to cup his dick through his boxers.

”We have seven minutes.”

_Zip._

”S-seven?”

”That’s the minimum amount of time it takes to run to the nearest department and find a fire extinguisher,” Komaeda said matter-of-factly as he pulled Hinata’s already stiffening cock out of his pants. ”Another five minutes or so to return here, which by the way already passed when I came to get you.”

What the hell had he done? Was there an actual fire somewhere? He thought he’d smelled burnt food in the hallway…

”So…let’s not waste any more time, okay?” Komaeda smiled at him pristinely and got onto his knees. Behind that smile, however, lay intentions that were anything but pure in their nature.

”Uhh, I don’t think this is a very good idea…” Hinata trailed off when Komaeda parted his lips, pink tongue darting out to press on his slit. He lapped at the head like it was some kind of tasty treat, closing his eyes and humming in satisfaction.

Although Hinata was the one on the receiving end of the unexpected blowjob, it looked like Komaeda was the one getting his rocks off on it.

”K-Komaeda,” he tried again, while it still wasn’t too late to call it quits.

”Hm?” Komaeda gave him a sultry look as he gazed up at him, holding Hinata’s cock in his hand as if it belonged to him, fingertips dancing on the flush head in a teasing manner.

Well, _fuck_. He was already fully erect. There was no turning back now.

When he received no response aside from Hinata’s shameful bodily reactions, Komaeda resumed his mission and soon Hinata was engulfed in his warm, wet mouth.

It felt amazing, and at this stage, Hinata couldn’t recall why he’d been so opposed to it just seconds ago. He wanted to thrust deeper into that sweet, skillful mouth of his, but Komaeda held his hips firmly in place as he sucked on him leisurely. The man certainly knew what he was doing, and it made him slowly succumb to a state of desperate need.

”Fuck, Komaeda,” he groaned, grabbing a fistful of white curls as their owner took him deeper inside his mouth. Komaeda moaned around him, muffled but eager to please, his head bobbing up and down as he took a little bit more of his cock each time.

Soon enough, Komaeda was deepthroating him and Hinata had to close his eyes, scrunching up his face in an attempt to prevent himself from moaning too loudly.

”Ah—” Komaeda uttered when he’d pulled a little too far back, which in turn made Hinata’s cock slip out of his mouth. Hinata let out a frustrated noise, sounding very much disappointed at the loss of contact, and there was no possibility that Komaeda wouldn’t be able to pick that up as well.

He forced his eyes open and looked down at the man who was still gripping his hips tight and blinking up at him, drool and precum all over his face. He was too pretty for his own good, and Hinata wondered how that was even allowed.

Swollen lips wrapped around his length again, the erotic sight nearly enough to make Hinata blast his load right there and then.

Komaeda took it all, gagging once when his dick hit the back of his throat a bit too harshly, but kept going like nothing had happened, taking Hinata over the edge.

”Komaeda, I’m —” he warned, but it was already too late for Komaeda to pull away from him. Hinata came hard in his mouth, and Komaeda gobbled it all up, greedily swallowing every drop that was given to him.

”Wow,” Hinata panted, _because_ _of course Komaeda would_. ”You have a little…” He bent down to swipe away the trail of cum that trickled down his jaw. In doing so, he unwittingly brushed the man’s plumped up lower lip, and Komaeda looked at him like _he_ was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He highly doubted that.

Then, it suddenly hit him that they were in public. At university. Where they could get expelled from for doing something as disgraceful as what they’d just done.

His expression turned sour, and he stuffed his dick back in his pants, zipping them up hastily.

”You’re fucking crazy, Komaeda. Do _not_ do that to me ever again!” Hinata snapped but instantly regretted his words before even seeing Komaeda’s deflating face.

Knees dusty from kneeling on the floor, Komaeda brushed them off as he stood up.

”I… I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone now,” he said with a dejected expression, clearly hurt by Hinata’s sudden outburst. Like it was his fault Hinata had done next to nothing to stop him and had just willingly come inside his mouth, too.

Crap. He hadn’t meant to sound _that_ angry. He was just stressed out because anyone could’ve walked in on them at any moment.

”I-I…um,” he tried to explain, apologize, _anything_. But nothing came out, the words stuck in his throat.

”Don’t worry, I won’t contact you until Friday’s class,” Komaeda assured him, lips pressed together in a solemn smile.

Hinata was panicking on the inside. He wanted to pull Komaeda in his arms and kiss him senseless, to assure him that everything was alright, to tell him that there was nothing he craved more than his company… But he just stood there and watched as Komaeda turned his back and walked out the door, down the corridor until he couldn’t see his retreating back anymore.

 _Good job, you fucking moron,_ Hinata cursed himself. Now he had made Komaeda walk out on him for the second time in less than a week. It was becoming a habit — an unwanted one at that. If that wasn’t already bad enough, Hinata then remembered he’d ditched Souda at the cafeteria after accusing _him_ of being an unreliable friend. Oh, the sweet irony.

This was possibly the worst week in the twenty-two years of his life and it was only Monday.

* * *

As it turned out, Hinata had been right.

Later that week, as he was booting up his computer to tune in on a certain camboy’s live stream out of pure habit, he saw a notification that had popped on his inbox and clicked on it.

_No show today. Personal business — sorry._

He stared blankly at the announcement. What personal business could he be talking about? This couldn’t possibly be Hinata’s fault…could it?

”I need to call him right now,” he said to himself before diving for his phone and hopping off the bed to make the call.

Hinata’s fingers hovered over the call button. It suddenly dawned on him that he’d never dialed this number before. They had texted a couple of times, yes, but this was completely different. Would Komaeda even pick up when he saw it was him?

He shook his head. No, there was no use worrying about that now. Even if the other didn’t pick up, he needed to at least try. Sucking up his insecurities, he let his thumb fall on the green button.

_Ring…ring…ring…_

_Ring…ring…_

”Hello?” answered the familiar voice on the other end of the line.

Hinata let out a relieved sigh. ”Where are you right now?” he asked, cutting to the chase.

”Hi…Hinata-kun?” Komaeda’s voice wavered like he couldn’t believe Hinata was actually calling him. He didn’t sound angry at all, which gave Hinata all the courage he needed to press the conversation further.

”Please, just tell me. I need to talk to you right now. It’s important.”

The line was silent for a minute.

Just as Hinata was starting to get nervous all over again, he answered, ”If it really is as critical as you claim… I’ll text the address.” Then, he hung up, and not a minute after he shared his location on the messaging app they’d been using for discussing the project.

Hinata nodded to himself; he was determined to make things right this time. He grabbed his wallet and keys, threw on his coat and ran outside to catch the next bus.

* * *

”I can’t believe you came here to say that,” Komaeda sighed, leaning his hand on his forehead.

They were sitting by the window at a quiet wine bar; Komaeda had a half-empty glass of red wine in front of him, and the book he’d been reading before Hinata had arrived was turned upside down on the table. Judging by the text on the cover, it was the latest best-selling murder mystery.

”Don’t misunderstand. I’m not mad about the show or anything. I just…” Hinata hesitated, debating himself whether he should go all out or not. Maybe not just yet. ”I just got worried, okay? It’s unlike you to pull off something like that, you never cancel at the last minute.”

Komaeda gave a joyless laugh. ”You talk like you know me very well… But don’t worry, I’ll turn up for our study session.”

”That’s…that is _not_ the point right now!” Hinata was becoming more and more frustrated by the minute.

”Then enlighten me, Hinata-kun. What exactly is your point then?”

”You, Komaeda. I am worried about _you_!” he blurted, his face flushing at his own words.

Komaeda’s cold expression turned into a shocked one.

”Not the show, not the project — I couldn’t care less about those things right now!” He lowered his voice a bit. ”Just tell me, was it because of me?”

Komaeda pursed his lips together in silence, but the look in his eyes gave away everything.

”Whatever I did at the hotel to make you leave, and also after that… I’m sorry, Komaeda. I really am.”

”No, Hinata-kun. I should be the sorry one.”

Now it was Hinata’s turn to look shocked.

”You see, I haven’t been entirely truthful to you,” Komaeda confessed, glancing at him once before looking down at his glass again. He began fiddling with the stem. ”You shouldn’t be sorry for anything, because nothing you did was wrong per se.”

_Then, what…?_

”When you hugged me like that… No, even before that. You made me feel so good and you weren’t really that rough with me, even when I provoked you — it blew my mind how considerate you acted towards me. And I don’t deserve that, really…”

Hinata frowned. This again? So it wasn’t just some degrading kink as he had initially guessed. Now that he thought of it, he’d made some subtle remarks similar to those before they even got physical. Hinata just hadn’t picked up on them until now.

Moreover, that also indicated the truth was actually way worse than he’d thought.

”Honestly, I became a little overwhelmed back then. I didn’t know how to react, so I just…left.” ****

Oh.

That was certainly unexpected. But Hinata was still confused about one thing.

”Komaeda. Why do you keep acting like you deserve to be treated like shit?”

”Actually, Hinata-kun, that wasn’t the only thing I’ve been keeping from you,” Komaeda told him, not really answering his question. ”Or rather…I just let you assume what you wanted about me.”

Hinata’s eyebrows jumped at that. Let him assume what? What was he talking about?

Taking Hinata’s confused expression as a cue to continue, Komaeda began explaining: ”When I said I used to be a literature major… Well, I was, but only on paper. I never really studied back then.”

”Uh, okay. Go on,” Hinata encouraged him. He really wanted to hear where this was going.

Komaeda shifted his gaze outside the window, a reminiscent look falling over his face.

”It was my freshman year, and I had just taken up webcam modeling when I met this guy who also majored in literature and was one year above me. He seemed really nice and we started dating — he even took my virginity. Everything was perfect, until one day I realized I just didn’t feel that strongly about him anymore and told him I wanted to break up.”

_So he did have a boyfriend, huh._

”Well, let’s just say he didn’t take that well. He threatened to expose my secret to everyone in our department if I didn’t keep dating him. I was so scared for my future that I simply complied with him, then he —” Komaeda’s voice faltered, but he forced himself to continue, ”He…u-used me and threw me around as if I was mere trash at the bottom of his soles. And that wasn’t even the worst of it, but I’m not comfortable with talking about that. Certainly not here.”

”Shit… I mean, that’s…awful. How did you manage to get out of that situation?”

”He got into a car accident a year and a half ago and is still in a coma. I really am lucky, right? Haha.”

Hinata’s jaw dropped; that was no laughing matter. But, he couldn’t even begin to imagine all those things that Komaeda had been forced to endure. He must have felt really relieved when it was finally over. That bastard certainly had it coming for him.

”After that, I didn’t want to date anyone,” Komaeda concluded, wrapping up his story. ”Even one night stands would’ve been too much trouble for me to handle.”

Did that mean what Hinata thought it did, because if so…

”You haven’t slept with _anyone_ after that?”

Komaeda shook his head, confirming his suspicions. ”Besides you, I haven’t.”

Hinata squinted in concentration as he tried to piece every new chunk of information together in his head. So all that talk about high standards and whatnot had been to throw him off from the truth? Had that really been necessary? Furthermore, it now made sense that Komaeda had been so sensitive to his touch; no-one else other than himself had touched him in a long time before Hinata came along. That realization made Hinata’s chest swell with pride.

He suspected there was something more to his story, but to get Komaeda to open up like this after all that ambiguous shit he’d been spewing on him for the past week was definitely a treat. It felt like he was finally showing his true self to him, even if it was just a little. But more importantly…

”Even if I didn’t like you this much, I’d never treat you like he did.”

Komaeda’s eyes widened in surprise. ”You _like_ me?”

”Um, yeah?” Hinata almost rolled his eyes; he had already grown so frustrated that there was no room for bashfulness. ”At this point, I thought nothing could be more obvious. You think I’ve been faking I have this big fat crush on you the whole time? What would I even accomplish with that?”

”But I’m just… I’m just a…” Even as Komaeda couldn’t finish his sentence, his face said it all: _An object. Trash. Not worthy._

”You’re not ’just’ anything, you are your own person, Komaeda! There is no need for you to try and bend over backwards just to satisfy other people’s needs — you’re not a servant.”

Komaeda opened his mouth to speak, but Hinata lifted one finger up in the air to signal that he wasn’t done talking. ”And before you even say it — no, I don’t like you for your body alone, I like _you_. I admit that you’re hot as hell, but that’s not the only thing I find so likable about you. Before I even found out you and Lucky were the same person, I really enjoyed your company.”

The other man went silent again. Hinata let him chew over it, and after a minute, Komaeda opened his mouth to speak. ”You know, when you confronted me that day and told me that you’re a fan of my show, I saw my chance and kind of just…” Again, he left the rest of it hanging, but Hinata already knew what he meant.

To get him in bed, he’d just made up a narrative that would make his actions seem justified and let Hinata falsely believe what he wanted.

”I’m sorry for being so selfish.”

”But why me?” Hinata persisted. ”You said that you don’t date or do random hook-ups, yet you came to me. Were you perhaps hoping for something more?”

Komaeda was smart; he wouldn’t do that kind of thing just out of spite. He’d had to acknowledge the fact that they were going have to work with each other for the rest of the semester. That would constantly put them in situations where they’d be all alone, just the two of them.

”I sort of hoped that we could help each other out once in a while, no strings attached.”

Trying to ignore the awful pang in his heart, Hinata inhaled sharply. ”Then, let me take you out on a date.”

”Didn’t you just hear what I said?” Komaeda sounded like he couldn’t believe his stupidity.

”Loud and clear. But what’s the harm in one casual date? You might change your mind. Besides, you’re an interesting person; I want to know more about you.”

He looked hesitant. ”I don’t know, Hinata-kun. Even if it’s unlikely, you shouldn’t risk catching deeper feelings for someone like me…”

”Just one date,” Hinata pressed on stubbornly. ”If you still decide you only want to use me for sex…that’s fine. But I won’t use you.”

Komaeda’s mask began to crumble. There was such passion in Hinata’s eyes when he said that, so much that he couldn’t just ignore it this time.

”Okay,” he finally gave in, meeting Hinata’s unwavering stare with a steadfast look of his own. ”I’ll give you one chance, but only because it’s you, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata broke into a wide smile. ”That’s everything I could’ve hoped for.”

After all, the worst week of his entire existence had just taken a pleasant turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some things are resolved, but there’s still a lot to unpack… (if someone guesses what’ll happen in this clusterfuck of a fanfic I’m gonna be impressed)
> 
> Y'all ready for a date chapter?


	5. Take him out on a date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again dear readers! It has been almost 3 weeks but now I’m back to offer you 5k of piping hot dating garbage. And I think this fic just hit the novella length mark, so yay for that too!
> 
> Without further blabbering, sit back and "enjoy" this cringefest by yours truly <3

Hinata struck a pose in front of the mirror for the umpteenth time that afternoon, shaking his head and sighing in disappointment when his appearance didn’t give him the ”wow” effect he’d been hoping for. _No, not this one either._ It was almost like even his own reflection was mocking his poor sense of fashion. _Yes, you there, the clown in the tie!_

Hinata chucked the tie away — he wasn’t going to attend some business meeting, what had he been thinking?

To say Hinata had trouble choosing his date outfit would have been a huge understatement. He was in pure agony and nothing. Was. Working! None of his go-to looks were good enough for the occasion, but that was no surprise considering who his date was.

Komaeda had such a unique style and it seemed like he always put a lot of effort into his outfits. Hinata, on the other hand, not so much. Compared to the other man, he was just plain and boring. But he also really needed to make an impression, since this was his one and only chance to win Komaeda’s elusive heart. He wanted to make Komaeda ”ooh!” and ”aah!” at his stylistic choices as well as the date itself. He wanted to make him _swoon_.

But Hinata had to be careful from now on. He couldn’t be too forceful with his romantic advances or he’d just scare Komaeda off like last time. Somehow Hinata would have to convince him that he wasn’t simply going to play with his emotions or blackmail him like his ex had done, and he also needed to show him that he was capable of devotion. But first, he should figure out what he was going to wear and quickly, or he’d have to choose between showing up in his undergarments and showing up at all.

As luck would have it, Hinata had one outfit that he had yet to try on. He didn’t wear it often because it was mostly reserved for special occasions such as birthday parties and other celebrations that differed from the usual ”let’s get shit-faced and forget all about it the next day” type of student gatherings.

He searched his closet for the following articles of clothing: beige sweater, olive green chinos, and an earthy plaid jacket, which matched perfectly with the two main colors of his outfit. The look was completed with a simple gold chain necklace. He looked at his reflection, standing stiff as a stick as he met his own judging gaze in the mirror. Was this too much?

Suddenly, a continuous buzzing sound interrupted his one-man runway show, and Hinata immediately recognized it as his phone. He picked it up from the nightstand it kept vibrating on but checked the caller ID before answering. ”Chiaki Nanami”, it stated. She was one of Hinata’s oldest and closest friends, and Hinata may have once had a teeny tiny crush on her, but that had been ages ago.

Happy to see she'd managed to take time out of her busy schedule just to phone him, he accepted the call: ”What’s up, Chiaki?”

After a few long seconds of silence, Nanami’s voice answered with a yawn, ”Mmmm…what?”

”You called me? Don’t tell me you fell asleep on your keyboard again.” 

”Well…I was playing Among Us, but then I died and got sleepy while waiting for the next round to start.”

Hinata let out a laugh of endearment. _Typical Chiaki._ She was a professional gamer who had won several national and international championships, but somehow she still had the interest to play video games in her free time as well. Talk about being passionate — Hinata only wished he had interests like that.

”Sorry, Hajime, but I’m also chatting with my streamer friend. He’s waiting for me, so if you didn’t have anything to say either…” Nanami trailed off. Of course she would be already occupied, she always was.

”Actually, I could use a second opinion on something,” Hinata ventured. She was the only person he could ask for help without feeling totally embarrassed about it.

”What is it?”

”I have a date. With a guy. And uh, I don’t know, could you tell me if this outfit is downright terrible?”

”Sure, Hajime. Send me a pic,” Nanami agreed like the saving angel she was.

Hinata told her to wait a second while he angled his phone to snap a quick mirror selfie. ”So, what do you think? Be honest.”

”I’m sending this to my friend. He’s gay.”

”Your friend…? But I’m not —!" Hinata sputtered. "I mean, what does _that_ have to do with anything?”

”He’s attracted to men, while I am not. You should trust his opinion more than mine, I think.”

”Tsk, fine. It’s not like he knows me personally or anything.”

”Already sent it!" Nanami informed, and Hinata could picture the sly expression she probably wore right now. "My friend says it looks good on you, and that your date is — and I quote — ’very lucky to have you’.”

”Okay…but what about you?”

”Don’t stress it too much. You look great!”

”Thanks, Chiaki. Talk to you later.” He smiled at the phone. Nanami never failed to lift his spirits; no matter how badly he messed up or how stressed out he was, he could always count on her.

”Bye, Hajime! Don’t forget to update me on how the date goes,” she added casually, but Hinata knew she would make sure to squeeze every last detail out of him later.

”I won’t. Bye-bye,” he promised before hanging up.

Now he felt a teensy bit more confident than five minutes ago. He looked at the clock on the wall: only an hour left before the date.

* * *

It was nearly four in the afternoon, and Hinata had already shown up at the agreed meeting spot ten minutes earlier. They had compromised to meet on campus as it was conveniently located so that it took them both about the same time to travel there. Hinata had been genuinely surprised when Komaeda had suggested it; he’d been fearing his date wouldn’t want other students to catch them together _again_ , but now that theory was out of the window. Small victories like this made him feel a little better, though.

He paced back and forth in front of the main building, constantly fixing his jacket and making sure he had nothing stuck between his teeth or something equally off-putting. He’d debated whether to bring flowers or not but had decided against it after deeming it as too cliché, and more importantly, possibly intimidating for Komaeda. He didn’t even know that many guys who appreciated flowers, and he sure as hell didn’t know what his date’s opinion on the matter was.

”Hinata-kun!” Komaeda’s voice greeted him from behind, and Hinata immediately spun around to look at the owner of said voice.

Hinata’s mouth fell slightly agape; Komaeda looked absolutely _stunning_. He was wearing grey paper bag pants, a denim jacket, and a pastel lime turtleneck, which made the green of his eyes pop out. He had his hair tied in a low ponytail with some soft curls framing his face, and it actually looked like he had brushed them for once.

”You’re not that bad-looking yourself,” Komaeda remarked after noticing his lingering stare. Hinata tore his eyes off him, coughing into his fist and pretending he’d noticed something much more interesting that needed his immediate attention — _would you look at that magnificent paving!_

Thankfully, Komaeda was kind enough to cut him some slack. ”You know what, I’ve never really done this before,” he confessed and scratched the back of his neck with an awkward smile.

”You've never been on a date?” Hinata asked, just to confirm that his ears weren’t deceiving him.

Komaeda started to look uncomfortable. ”Well, kind of, but I wouldn’t say any of them were _actual_ dates…”

Hinata had been on plenty of dates, some of them more successful than others. He sort of knew the basics of dating etiquette already, however, he’d never had this much pressure to actually follow any of it. It had never even occurred to him that there could be a chance Komaeda hadn’t experienced a proper date before. His lack of experience could work to Hinata’s advantage…

”Aha…maybe this was a bad idea after all,” Komaeda suddenly said. ”I don’t think I’m suited for —”

Hinata was listening to none of that. ”Komaeda, you promised me! One date — no more, no less. Remember?”

Komaeda nodded silently, but something about his expression was still bothering him. He couldn’t just flat-out ask him about, so he decided to drop the subject for now.

”Right. So. I’ve planned everything, just follow me,” Hinata said and started leading the way to the first destination.

They walked in silence, which perhaps would have been comfortable if not for the odd tension that kept building the more Hinata thought about it. Komaeda followed closely behind him at first, but eventually they were walking side by side, shoulders nearly brushing. Hinata would love nothing more than hold Komaeda’s hand right now, but that’d be a big no-no this early in the game. He needed to play it cool. Smooth. Yes, everything was going smoothly — he’d simply have to remain patient and surely, when the time was right, he would have his chance. Hopefully.

”Miniature golf?” Komaeda questioned when they arrived at their destination.

They stood in front of a building with a large sign hanging on top of the main entrance and inviting them on a ”Heart-Throbbing Golf Trip, now with a brand-new Island Course”.

"I know this is pretty cheap, but the truth is, I'm kinda broke right now,” Hinata admitted, and he definitely wasn’t lying. He had almost considered asking Souda for a small loan, but he was still giving him the silent treatment after the cafeteria episode.

"Is that so?" Komaeda asked, chuckling softly. ”Someone’s been overspending. On what, I wonder.”

Hinata’s cheeks grew hot and he averted his eyes, grumbling a little under his breath. Of course he had to bring _that_ up. He’d really been giving out his money like candy, and the recipient stood right next to him.

”Don’t worry about money. In fact, I’ve had a particularly good month so I can treat you this time,” Komaeda offered, no longer teasing him.

”But _I_ asked you out…” Hinata protested. As tempting as that was, the idea just didn’t sit right with him.

”It’s no problem.”

”Let’s at least split it, then.”

”That sounds fair.”

And so they went inside and chose that aggressively advertised Island Course (seriously, there were posters of it everywhere), each paying for their own share of the fun.

”I’m so excited! I haven’t tried mini-golf before, or regular golf for that matter,” Komaeda said, clutching his golf club with jittery fingers. ”Have you?”

”Yeah, I’ve tried a few courses before,” he answered, trying his best to play it down so that he wasn’t blatantly bragging or anything. ”Won a few casual games, too. I guess the first one was when I was something like twelve.”

”That’s amazing, Hinata-kun!” Komaeda smiled at him warmly, which made Hinata’s heart flutter and his face just a tiny bit warmer.

The course they had decided to go for was themed after a tropical island with lots of fake palm trees, sand, and rocks, which all served as obstacles to make the game more exciting for the player. The decorations and the painting job were decent enough to make it not appear as tacky as it could’ve been.

When they arrived at the first hole, Hinata began explaining Komaeda the basics like how to grip the club and how to swing.

”Like this?” Komaeda questioned and swung the club in the air as a dry run before turning to look at Hinata for approval.

”Not like _that_ — Wait, I’ll just show you,” Hinata said and took a step closer to the man. ”Hold it like this.” He quickly helped him adjust his grip and then stepped away.

”Hm, I’m still not sure if I got that,” Komaeda mused, pursing his lips. ”Could you show me once more?”

Hinata sighed and went to stand behind him, once again invading his personal space. ”Look, don’t grip so high… I assume you’re right-handed?” Komaeda nodded. ”Okay, first open your right palm like this, and then wrap your hand around here,” Hinata instructed and took Komaeda’s palm in his, guiding it into the right position on the grip.

”And what do I do next?” Komaeda asked, and suddenly Hinata became aware of how close he was. His chest was almost pressing against Komaeda’s back with only the smallest possible space remaining between their bodies. Although they weren’t touching, he could feel the heat radiating off the body in front of him. ”Hinata-kun?”

”Right, um— Now you just swing, like this.” Hinata put his own hands over Komaeda’s, carefully swinging the club together with him.He himself was a lefty, so the movement felt awkward to him, but he hoped Komaeda got the general idea.

”Thanks, I think I get it now!” Komaeda beamed over his shoulder, making Hinata’s heart beat that much faster.

”D-don’t mention it. Uhh, let’s begin then,” Hinata mumbled and backed off, taking his own club with him. What was _wrong_ with him? He was acting like an idiot again, although at this point he was pretty sure Komaeda had already got used to it.

To act as an example, Hinata went first and held the club the same way he had just shown Komaeda. With two calculated strokes, he got the ball in.

”Well done, Hinata-kun!” Komaeda cheered from the side. ”You’re really good at this.”

”It wasn’t a hole-in-one, but I guess this isn’t a bad start,” Hinata shrugged but allowed himself to feel smug for impressing his date. Next was Komaeda’s turn.

Tongue poking out in concentration, Komaeda swung the club slowly but still somehow managed to miss the ball. ”Oops, I totally messed up!” He tried again, and this time the club connected with the ball, though his aim was totally off.

Hinata almost cringed in empathy at the poor attempt, but then something unexpected happened: the ball bounced back off one of the palm trees and ricocheted off the rocks — not once, or twice, but _three_ times — before landing inside the hole.

”That was…quite the start. Good job?” he offered, trying not to comment on his horrible technique. That had been one hell of a lucky stroke. He probably shouldn’t feel bitter about it, but he still did.

They moved on to the next hole, and upon seeing how it was constructed, Hinata felt pretty confident in himself this time around. He knew the trick to this type of hole, and it was to never aim straight for it. He would have to cleverly use the surroundings to his advantage if he wanted to land a good score.

After a moment of pondering different tactics, Hinata decided on one and went for it. Precise calculations had never been one of his strongest suits, but the risk he took paid off and rewarded him with his first hole-in-one.

Komaeda applauded him, and it looked like he was genuinely enjoying himself. Hinata was glad.

”My turn!” Komaeda sauntered across the field, swinging his club around in a manner that concerned Hinata deeply. It looked so…unprofessional.

Wiggling his hips a little, Komaeda adopted a stance and took a swing. It was going to miss. Hinata knew it had to. _There’s no way—_

But the ball didn’t stop where it should have. Hinata could do nothing but watch in astonishment as the ball kept rolling towards the hole until it finally reached it, scoring Komaeda another hole-in-one.

”Beginner’s luck, I believe.” Komaeda shrugged it off like it was nothing. ”With your experience which far surpasses mine, I’m certain you will catch up to me in no time,” he assured, but Hinata wasn’t so sure about that anymore.

The third hole turned out to be no different. Just as he had thought, Komaeda topped his score again. For one moment it looked like Hinata had the upper hand, but then Komaeda swept the floor with his attempts right after. He wasn’t even any good at the game, for god’s sake, he was just swinging blindly and hoping for the best! And boy, was Hinata getting salty.

The same sequence of events repeated over and over again until they were both equally fed up with the game. For Hinata, it was the frustration and the fear of snapping his club in half if Komaeda kept one-upping him like that, and Komaeda most likely wanted to quit due to boredom after his unforeseen winning strike.

They exited the building and began walking in the direction of the nearest bus stop, and Komaeda kept teasing him the entire way there.

”I am _not_ pouting!”

”But Hinata-kun, you totally are!” Komaeda laughed. ”I think it’s cute.”

 _Cute?_ That wasn’t a word one would normally use to refer to a grown-ass man who was supposedly ”pouting”, but Komaeda himself was far from normal. If he wasn’t, neither of them would be here in the first place.

”Anyway, I was thinking we could grab a bite somewhere,” Hinata said, trying to change the subject. To his relief, Komaeda agreed and told him he was growing hungry. ”So, there’s this one steakhouse…” he suggested, his mouth watering at the sheer thought of a juicy beef steak.

”That’s very neat, Hinata-kun, but I only consume plant-based products.”

”Ah shit, sorry.” Well, this was awkward.

”It’s okay. You couldn’t have known,” Komaeda waved his hand in dismissal, ”Besides, I prefer to get my ’meat’ from someone who’s actually willing to give it me.”

And then, he fucking _winked_.

Hinata probably looked like he was going to combust any second now. He certainly felt that way.

”I, uh, I’ll eat whatever you want,” he rushed to say.

”Whatever I want? You mean _anything_?”

”I…y-yes, um…I mean…”

”Great!” Komaeda exclaimed and clapped his hands together in excitement. ”Let’s get burgers, I know a place.” He took Hinata’s hand in his own and started to lead the way. 

As they walked down the street hand in hand, it only then occurred to Hinata that while he’d had his fingers up Komaeda’s ass (among other things), he had never held hands with him before. This innocent but at the same time very intimate gesture was making his heart race like crazy.

Hinata wondered if Komaeda would ever feel the same way about him.

The burger place was closer than the steakhouse Hinata had suggested, which was good because now they didn’t have to waste precious time sitting on public transit. What’s more, when they entered the restaurant and went to stand at the end of the line, Komaeda was still holding onto his hand. Hinata was on cloud nine.

”This place looks crowded,” he observed as they waited for a table. Several other hungry customers had arrived before them, and the line didn’t seem to move at all.

”The burgers are out of this world! You should try the tofu one, the way they prepare it is heavenly. It’s crispy on the outside, but soft and juicy on the inside, just like a good burger patty should be,” Komaeda explained, and Hinata could swear he saw genuine stars sparkling in his eyes.

”Sure, I’ll try it.” Hinata didn’t really care for tofu that much, but the way Komaeda was looking at him right now… How could he say no to that?

Soon a table for two cleared up, and apparently everyone else on the line was part of a bigger group, which meant they no longer had to wait. A waitress came to show them to the table, and Hinata was ready to take a seat when something stopped him. ”Uhh, you’re still holding my hand,” he remarked, glancing down at their joined fingers.

Komaeda’s hand recoiled like it had been burnt. ”Ahah… I didn’t even notice,” he laughed, casting his eyes down. For one moment his cheeks appeared to be a shade pinker than normal, but it could as well have been Hinata’s imagination.

They sat down across from each other, both picking up the menus the waitress had placed in front of them earlier, and essentially hid behind their respective sheets until the same waitress came back to their table.

”May I take your order, sirs?” she asked politely, holding a round tray close to her chest with one hand and fiddling with her short, ashen hair with the other. Hinata got the feeling he’d seen her on their campus; maybe she was a student there as well. Something about her made him think she would fit in a maid café better than a burger restaurant, though.

It took Hinata a moment to notice that she was looking at him and not at Komaeda. ”Uh, yes. Can we get two tofu burgers?”

”Certainly. Would you like anything to drink while you wait for the food?” she asked, jotting down their orders.

Now he looked at his date for help. He hadn’t actually been reading the menu at all. 

”Just a glass of ice water, please,” Komaeda replied.

 _What a bland choice_ , Hinata thought. ”Do you have anything with —” _What’s the fucking word?_ ”— bubbles?”

”We have cream sodas on the list. The melon flavor is popular,” the waitress answered, her face expressionless.

”I’ll have one of those.” Gosh. How much more of a fool could he even make himself sound like?

Hinata glanced at Komaeda, but he did not seem all that bothered by his lack of functioning brain cells — instead, the man looked at him expectantly as if waiting for him to open the conversation.

”So…” Hinata desperately tried to come up with something to talk about. ”I’ve been thinking. About the council room incident. You didn't actually start a fire, did you?” he asked before he could stop himself.

 _Nice one, Hajime,_ the voice in the back of his head mocked him. _What a great choice of discussion topic on your first date!_

Komaeda lifted his eyebrows. "Had I done that, don't you think twelve minutes would be enough to engulf the entire building in flames? Not to mention the smoke detectors, fire sprinklers..." Oh, right. Now Hinata felt dumb. "I just happened to burn my food in the microwave and told the council members that someone had stolen all the fire extinguishers as a prank. They took it way too seriously — there was hardly any smoke."

"Did _you_ steal them?"

"Who knows?” Komaeda hummed, giving him a lopsided smile, ”Maybe I just hid them well?"

"You're unbelievable," Hinata breathed, unable to take his eyes off Komaeda's smiling face.

The sound of glass hitting the wooden table made Hinata snap out of his trance. The waitress had come back with their drinks. Although the restaurant was packed at the moment, she promised their food would be ready soon. Hinata hoped it was true because simply staring at Komaeda from this close made him feel things, and he needed something to distract himself with.

For the time being, he opted for staring at the cream soda that stood in front of him on the table, looking all green and weird with a huge dollop of whipped cream on top. How was he supposed to drink that without getting it all over his face?

”Do you know her?” Komaeda suddenly asked. Seeing Hinata’s confused look, he elaborated, ”The waitress. I saw you looking at her.”

Hinata blinked. ”I thought I’d seen her somewhere before. I think she studies politics, or something like that.”

”It’s okay, Hinata-kun. She is very pretty, after all.” What on earth was he talking about?

”I don’t…” he started, completely at a loss for words.

Luckily, the waitress chose that exact moment to bring their dishes, and Hinata gladly took the opportunity to avoid that conversation. ”Enjoy your food!” she told them and left in a hurry, disappearing back into the kitchen.

Hinata picked up the cutlery and dug right into the burger. It was dripping oil and some funny-looking sauce all over the plate, but it smelled delicious. As soon as he put the first piece in his mouth, he said, ”Holy shit. This is actually kind of good.”

”Told you so,” Komaeda grinned at him and began munching on his own burger in content silence, only pausing to take a sip of his iced water now and then.

The rest of the dinner went surprisingly well. They ate their food while discussing some university-related topics as well as that one new detective series they had both been following on TV. It reminded Hinata of how their relationship had been in the beginning, before the cat was let out of the bag. 

After finishing their meal, they briefly argued over who should be the one paying for it, and eventually Hinata ended up requesting two separate checks. They could have gone on and on, but the other customers were starting to shoot them angry looks, especially the ones who were waiting for a table to clear up.

Once outside, Hinata stuck his hands in his jacket pockets and asked, ”Are you in the mood for dessert?”

”Depends on what kind of dessert,” Komaeda replied, not looking all that convinced.

”Come with me,” he told his date and proceeded to take him two blocks away from the restaurant to a bubble waffle stand he’d visited a few times before. Fortunately, it was still open at this hour — the nights had become quite cold already, and there were barely any customers looking for a chilly treat this late in autumn.

The waffle stand offered a variety of original ice cream flavors, and not once in Hinata’s time as their customer had they sold the same one twice. It was a unique experience each time.

”Hm, I don’t really like sweet stuff that much,” Komaeda said hesitantly, like he was trying not to hurt Hinata’s feelings. Over frickin’ waffles. ”But if you want to get some, I don’t mind at all.”

Hinata had never met anyone who was that picky of an eater. He examined the hand-scribbled menu board, trying to find anything that Komaeda might like. ”They seem to have a sea salt flavor with a coconut milk base. Would you like to try that?”

Komaeda shrugged nonchalantly.

”I’ll buy one for you,” Hinata decided and turned to the salesperson standing behind the counter. He ordered two sea salt ice cream waffles and handed one to Komaeda before sitting down on a bench inside the fenced area reserved for customers only.

”I had my doubts, but this looks really good,” Komaeda commented and sat next to him, admiring the nicely decorated cone. For once, they hadn’t been skimpy with the toppings. ”I bet it tastes even better.”

”You too!” Hinata mentally slapped himself at hearing his own words. ”Erm, what I meant to say was…I think so too. Not that I think you don't t— I mean _look_ good. Because you do! And —”

Shit. He really was fucking this up now, wasn’t he? Had he suddenly become the protagonist of some B-rate romcom?

”Hinata-kun. I think we’ve already established you find me sexually appealing,” Komaeda deadpanned.

 _No, no, no!_ The entire reason Hinata had asked the man out in the first place was to convince him that there was more to him than sex appeal, and look how well that was going for him.

Hinata wanted to crawl under a rock and just…cease to exist. ”Can you please forget what I just said?”

”Oh, what did you say again, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda asked, playing along. Thank god.

”I think that the _waffles_ and the _ice cream_ are looking very tasty right now,” he said slowly. Komaeda only nodded in agreement and started nibbling on his cone, however, the slight upturn of his lips didn’t go unnoticed.

Hinata watched Komaeda eat, gauging his expression and trying to figure out whether he actually enjoyed the treat or not. He didn’t look disgusted or anything, so maybe it was alright.

Then, a sudden gust of autumn wind swept over them and made strands of Komaeda’s fluffy hair escape his ponytail. Absentmindedly, Hinata brushed one stray curl behind the other’s ear. Komaeda turned to look at him, and as their gazes locked, Hinata caressed his cheek softly with his thumb.

When the realization eventually caught up with him, he didn’t dare to move his hand away.

Had he really gone too far this time?

”I-I didn’t mean to —” he stammered, but Komaeda wasn’t going to listen to any more of Hinata’s bullshit and leaned in to press their lips together instead.

It was sweet and simple — nothing like the kisses they had shared before. Komaeda gave him an amused look as he pulled away and didn’t say another word. Hinata, too, quietly turned his attention to the half-melted ice cream waffle cone he was still holding.

Internally, he was screaming and high-fiving himself.

* * *

”Have you made your decision?” Hinata asked as they arrived at Komaeda’s apartment complex.

He had insisted he should walk Komaeda home because that was how first dates were supposed to end. He couldn’t just leave him at a bus stop and go on his merry way. That would have been such an anti-climatic way to end the date.

”I would be lying if I said I didn’t have a good time,” Komaeda responded, his expression thoughtful. ”And I wouldn’t mind doing this once in a while, but I can’t promise anything."

Hinata was oddly satisfied with that. At one point he’d thought the whole date had turned into a flaming hot disaster, but he supposed first dates were bound to be awkward no matter how many times you’d touched each other’s dicks beforehand.

”You don’t have to be sure yet. We can just, y’know, go with the flow and see how this will play out.”

”I’d like that,” Komaeda smiled softly.

Hinata smiled back.

”So…do you want to come inside?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be smut (shocking, I know), but while you're waiting for that: What's your favorite part so far? What would you like to see more of? Tell me! :) 
> 
> I finally got my tumblr working, if you'd rather send an ask/message me there: @peachykeening


	6. Praise him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ”Chapter 6 will come out soon.” Well, that was a fucking lie. I’m turning into Kokichi now, ugh.
> 
> Originally, I was planning to post this last Sunday but to be honest, I’ve gone through at least three different mini breakdowns over this goddamn chapter so I wasn’t exactly in the mood to edit it earlier (sorry about that). If something seems off it’s most likely because I switched the perspective and rewrote it a couple of times, and at this point, I'm probably blind to it...
> 
> As always, I’m thankful for all the kind and encouraging comments, kudos, bookmarks, and subs — those really keep me going ♡ 
> 
> !!! Also, please take a look at the updated tags, and if you find any of those things squicky I advice you to skip the middle part (Komaeda's POV) !!!
> 
> \---
> 
> Edit: I'm already feeling better, thanks everyone! Sorry for ranting in the A/Ns. For those who like pairing music with fanfics, I have a song for you: [Rosenfeld - like u](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyh6_hSxMvo)

"How is your apartment so huge, I thought you said you lived by yourself?” Hinata wondered aloud, marveling at the spacious hallway that led to an open-plan living area and several other rooms.

"I do live by myself,” Komaeda said, took off his lace-up boots and swept past flabbergasted Hinata to turn on more lights.

Hinata nearly asked how he could afford all this, but based on past experience he knew better than that. The thought of Komaeda using him to milk more money out of him may have crossed his mind once or twice before the date, but now he felt ridiculous for even entertaining that thought in the first place.

”It’s nothing special, but I can give you a tour,” Komaeda offered with a small smile.

Yeah, maybe it wouldn’t have been anything "special" if the residents were an average family of four, not a single university student. But Hinata didn't say that out loud and settled for a simple nod instead.

First, Komaeda showed him the combined kitchen-dining side of the room; it looked recently remodeled, the cabinets and countertops still fresh and shining, and Hinata stared at the collection of high-end home appliances in half-envy, half-awe.

”Before you ask: no, my parents didn’t buy me anything you see here. I’m an orphan,” Komaeda informed him casually.

”I’m sorry?” Hinata didn’t exactly have the best relationship with his family, but at least he still had one.

”Don’t be. I’m used to relying on myself.” 

He didn’t doubt that at all.

Next Komaeda led him to the other side of the room, which was clearly designed to be the main living area judging by the corner sofa and the large TV displayed on a wall above the media console. Not a single item was misplaced, and overall the space looked and smelled clean, almost sterile. The farthest side of the room was a glass wall that opened to a broad balcony. Hinata paid attention to the bulky bookcases bolted to one wall, almost covering it entirely, each of them full of books and movies. There had to be hundreds of hours’ worth of entertainment there.

”And that’s my bedroom,” Komaeda said lastly, gesturing at the door next to the kitchen area. ”Maybe I’ll show it to you later.”

Hinata wasn’t sure what to make of that remark or if Komaeda was even being serious.

”What’s in there?" he inquired and nodded his head towards the closed door opposite the bedroom.

"That's where I record my streams.”

”You don’t stream from your bedroom?”

"Of course not,” Komaeda huffed. ”I wouldn't have stuff like that in my own bedroom."

It made Hinata curious as to exactly what kind of ”stuff” Komaeda was hiding in there.

”So um, what are we going to do?” he asked, as the tour seemed to have come to an end. The invitation had been sudden, so obviously he couldn’t have planned anything beforehand.

"We could watch a movie,” Komaeda suggested. Ah, a classic — this could well end up in some cuddling on the couch or even making out if Hinata got lucky enough.

”Yeah, why not,” he replied, trying not to sound too eager.

"Want a drink? I have some nice lemon vodka.”

”Sure…just let me pop into the bathroom real quick."

Komaeda pointed to the door at the end of the hallway.

In the bathroom, Hinata did his business, and as he stepped in front of the sink to wash his hands, he noticed one of the mirror cabinet doors was slightly ajar. At first, he thought nothing of it and grabbed the handle to close the door, but then something caught his attention.

He took a peek inside and saw an entire row of prescription pill bottles on one shelf. He didn’t recognize any of the weird labels, and it started to concern him. He knew he shouldn’t snoop around like this — it really was none of his business — but he simply couldn’t help his curiosity. Were all of those drugs really for Komaeda alone? When he thought about it, Komaeda did seem unusually jittery at times, and somewhat jaded at other times, so it wouldn’t have been that surprising if he was on meds. But why would he need that many?

”Hinata-kun, do you want ice in your cocktail?” Komaeda’s voice came from the other side of the door.

Hinata jumped and slammed the cabinet door closed. He opened his mouth to answer, but at the same time, something fell off the top of the cabinet right in front of his eyes and clattered into the sink. Now close to panicking, he picked up the object and found himself staring at a massive black vibrator with a swirl of ridges on its surface.

There was a knock on the door. ”What’s going on in there? Did you get hurt?” Komaeda’s voice had a worried tone to it, and Hinata felt guilty for being such a rude guest. He shoved the vibrator inside the cabinet and made sure it wouldn’t fall off this time before hurrying outside.

”Nothing happened. I just tripped,” Hinata said, breathing a tad too loudly. That didn’t sound convincing even to his own ears.

Komaeda quirked an eyebrow and crossed his arms, vaguely resembling a father ready to scold his child. ”Are you sure everything’s alright?”

”Yes, yes, everything’s fine. You mentioned cocktails?”

”Well, I’m just mixing lemonade with some vodka. I asked if you wanted ice in yours.”

”Sure, but not too much.” Whew, that had been close.

When Komaeda was done mixing their drinks, they moved to the couch and started the movie. It was an old action flick Hinata had seen a couple of times already, but it wasn’t like he could focus on anything too complicated right now.

After the opening credits had finished rolling, Komaeda cleared his throat. ”It’s kind of cold here, isn’t it? Or maybe it’s because of that ice cream we ate earlier,” he sighed and rubbed at his arms like he was trying to warm himself up, giving Hinata a side-glance.

"Now that you mention it, do you have a spare blanket I could borrow?”

Komaeda looked at him for a long moment before reaching over the armrest and pulling out a blanket. ”Here, you can have it!” He tossed the blanket to Hinata and turned to look a the TV, once again crossing his arms over his chest.

Hinata didn’t like the change in Komaeda’s tone — whatever had he done this time to deserve that treatment?

He chose his next words carefully. "Didn't you say you were cold too?”

"Not anymore,” Komaeda said, hugging a large cushion instead.

Hinata shrugged and turned his attention to the movie. The cocktail did wonders to his nerves.

Halfway through the movie, Komaeda went to refill their glasses in the kitchen. When he returned, Hinata accepted the drink and took a long, thirsty swig before turning to look at the other man.

”I’m kinda curious, as your fan,” Hinata began. He hadn’t dared to ask this before, but now that he had some brave juice in his system, it didn’t feel like that big of a deal anymore. ”Would you mind showing me that room?”

”My workroom? Hmm, nobody but me has ever been there… Can I trust you to not leak my secrets to the outside world?” Komaeda spoke as if the question was some kind of light-hearted jest, but his eyes transmitted an entirely different message.

”Cross my heart and hope to die,” Hinata swore — only a bit tipsily, mind you.

”Okay then.” Komaeda paused the movie and stood up.

Oh god. It was actually happening! Hinata would see his…

Shit. Fuck. _Shitfuck_.

He was definitely stepping into uncharted territory here. Would it really be okay for him to go there? What if he crossed some invisible line he didn’t even know existed? Unveiling the mystery could potentially ruin all future streams for him… Then again, he would become the only fan who’d ever witnessed this side of the camboy _and_ had access to his workplace! What more could he want?

Komaeda had already pulled a key from his pocket and unlocked the mysterious door, now holding it open for him. ”Are you coming? Or did you change your mind already?”

Hinata shook his head to banish all the doubts from his mind and ventured inside.

Surprisingly, the room didn’t look like your average sex dungeon, or a filming set of a porn movie, or whatever weird images had flashed through his mind when he’d first heard Komaeda refer to it as his ”workroom”. There were no ridiculously shaped dildos or other insertables in showcases, no whips or leashes hanging on the walls… At first glance, it could have been any ordinary room.

The ”bedroom” Hinata had seen on the streams was, in reality, only one corner of the actual room. Next to the bed, which more resembled a divan now that he saw it in person, stood a desk with a PC and all sorts of streaming equipment on top, including an expensive-looking webcam and a desktop microphone.

”I don’t know a whole lot about computers, but I have a friend who helps me with the tech side of things,” Komaeda started explaining when he saw Hinata gawking at the setup. ”She picked all the right parts and built the whole thing just for lousy old me, isn’t she amazing? It works well for gaming too!”

”That’s so nice of her,” Hinata agreed. He tried to imagine what Komaeda was like when he played video games. Probably cute as shit, but he would also be bad at it and drive everyone up the wall with surprise headshots: _Haha, why are you getting so angry lol? You’re all doing better than me. Seriously, I suck!_

Hinata ran a palm over his face. _Christ._ He’d better not start fantasizing right now when Komaeda was literally standing right next to him! _Bad Hajime. Bad._

”Feel free to look around,” Komaeda said and leaned against the desk, observing him with a wry smile.

Well, Hinata wasn’t about to turn down that kind of an offer! He walked over to the closet he'd spotted earlier and slid the doors open without hesitation, and — _wow_. 

It was full of clothes — costumes, to be precise — and Hinata hadn’t seen even half of them. That was a total crime. Komaeda in a sexy nurse outfit? Catboy Komaeda? Komaeda wearing a kinky harness? And were those high heels...? He felt robbed. What a cold and cruel place the world could sometimes be.

He inspected the accessories more closely, and finally, he saw something familiar hanging on the rail and couldn’t help but take it out of the closet. ”Oh, I remember this one!”

It was a stripped version of a typical playboy bunny costume, which consisted of floppy bunny ears, a simple bow-tie, and an underbust corset. The camboy tended to dress up only when someone made a ”special request”, which basically meant digging deep into your pockets and making it rain because that shit wasn't cheap. This particular costume hadn’t been one of Hinata’s personal requests, but it had landed the starring role in his wet dreams nonetheless. He vividly remembered the bunny tail plug that’d accompanied it, but there was no sign of it anywhere.

”I keep all my toys here,” Komaeda said, ever-so-observant, and stepped to the plain drawer unit standing against the opposite wall. ”They’re all categorized by either size or function. I like my belongings organized.” He opened one of the drawers, revealing a multitude of different types of gags and blindfolds.

Hinata’s ears felt hot. So Komaeda _was_ into that kind of thing after all, and he was discussing it so casually too! Might as well go all out then.

”May I?” His hand hovered at one drawer, asking for permission. When Komaeda nodded, he pulled it open before he could change his mind. ”What’s this?” He picked up an odd-looking chain and held it between two fingers, inspecting the weird clips on both ends.

”Nipple clamps,” Komaeda responded with a straight face.

”I don’t think you’ve used them in any of your live streams,” Hinata stated with a frown.

”Some of these toys are just for my own enjoyment,” Komaeda explained, but Hinata couldn’t imagine using the ”clamps” would be anything less than painful. ”There’s actually a lot of stuff here I haven’t worn or used before. I need to come up with something new for each stream, or you would get bored seeing the same thing over and over again.”

Bored? Hinata’s browser history would disagree.

The second drawer he opened contained an impressive collection of handcuffs and collars. He took one of the cuffs in his hands, smoothing the tip of his finger over the soft pink fuzziness.

”Aren’t they nice?” Komaeda asked, and Hinata nodded his head in agreement.

Yes, indeed, how nice would it be to put the man on his knees, hands bound behind his back with the cuffs. Komaeda would get him off, using only his mouth, and then Hinata would take him to bed, tease him all night long, make him beg for his— Hinata shoved that thought right back where it had come from (hint: not his brain).

”That reminds me, it’s been rather lonely here lately…” Komaeda sighed right next to his ear. Hinata froze. ”I’ve had nobody to play with for a very, _very_ long time.” He gently pried Hinata’s fingers off the cuffs. ”Can’t have any fun with these alone.”

He didn’t know if Komaeda was intentionally seducing him or not, but it was working. To be completely honest, his dick had shown interest ever since revisiting the memory of Komaeda wearing that bunny costume, however, the other man didn’t need to know that. ”What are you talking about?”

”Do I need to spell it out for you?” Komaeda pressed himself flush against Hinata’s body, and he could now clearly _feel_ the other man’s excitement that, for better or worse, rivaled his own.

”I thought we wouldn't be doing any of that tonight,” Hinata choked out, though there was no point in beating around the bush anymore.

”Oh, but Hinata-kun, you've already made me horny,” Komaeda urged. ”Are you not going to take responsibility for your actions?"

”Me? But it was you who —”

 _Isn't this what you wanted all along?_ Hinata's inner voice cut in. Was this what he had wanted? One hundred percent, no questions asked. But would it be the right thing to do? He hadn’t made a move on Komaeda out of respect, but now that Komaeda showed interest, Hinata didn't know anymore…

One of the cuffs made a clicking sound as it closed.

Around Hinata’s wrist.

”Shouldn’t we move to the bedroom now, Hinata-kun?”

* * *

If someone were to ask Hinata what he’d expected from the date night, it certainly wasn’t this. He would’ve been perfectly satisfied with a normal date and a bit of Netflix and Chill afterwards, emphasis on the word ”chill”. But still, somehow the night had escalated so that Hinata ended up on Komaeda’s queen-sized bed, buck-naked and his wrists secured to the iron bedposts with two pairs of fluffy handcuffs.

However, if someone had asked Komaeda the same question, the answer would have been more straightforward.

After convincing Hinata to indulge him and let him tie the other up (which, to be frank, hadn’t really needed that much convincing), Komaeda kicked off his plan.

First off, he stripped himself from his clothing, article by article, missing no chance to get ”accidentally” stuck in his shirt in the process. Then, of course, he had ”forgotten” to bring the lube and was now prancing around the room in his underwear, which perfectly matched the color of Hinata’s tormented face. Naturally, he had made sure to wear the skimpiest pair he could find that morning, just in case they ended up knocking boots at some point.

When he finally managed to find the ”hopelessly evasive” bottle of lube, he forced Hinata to watch as he prepped himself right there in front of him, not allowing the other to touch him. The more fingers he shoved in, the louder he got, which in turn made Hinata look more and more like he wanted to bust out of the cuffs and pounce on him.

And that was exactly what Komaeda had been aiming for.

Satisfied with his work, he turned his back to Hinata and got on all fours, crawling backwards over him on the bed. He braced his palms on Hinata’s shins and stuck his ass out, secretly grinning at the repressed moan that came from behind him.

Without an ounce of shame, Komaeda started to grind on Hinata’s cock, rubbing it between his ass cheeks and reveling in the feeling of total and utter control. His hole was supple and slick with lube, ready to take him at any given moment, but only when Komaeda himself wanted to. He traced along the subtle curving of Hinata's shaft with his fingers, pressing back and almost letting the tip breach him, but then he leaned forward and made it slip right past his opening.

”Keep that up and once I get my hands free, you’ll be in a world of trouble,” Hinata threatened, but his voice was dry and hoarse. He sounded worked-up, the poor thing. Komaeda couldn’t help but chuckle.

”Is that a promise?”

”Komaeda. You’re really testing my patience here, you know that right?”

”I know,” he said in what he hoped was an easy-going, not-at-all-bothered tone. Sooner or later, he would have to drop the act or Hinata would eventually call him out on his bluff.

Deciding that he’d already been merciless enough, Komaeda turned around to face Hinata and grabbed his heavily leaking dick, giving it a few tugs as he spread the precum over the tip with his thumb, finally lining it up with his entrance. He made sure Hinata was watching his every movement before taking him inside and letting out a long, content sigh.

The handcuffs clanked against the metal pipes they were attached to. Komaeda smiled and moved his own hand out of the way as he took in that one last centimeter, his inner walls stretching to accommodate Hinata’s length. 

”Ah, _shit_ —” Hinata gasped at the feeling and whipped his head to the side, but there was nothing he could suppress his noises with unless he wanted to bite onto his own shoulder.

Komaeda wasted no time idling. He set a pace, working his body up and down with practiced movements, and soon he had the other man writhing under him.

”Nnn… _haah_ , you’re so big, Hinata-kun!” he moaned as he fucked himself greedily on Hinata’s cock. He couldn’t get enough it, nor could he stop thinking about it. Hinata-kun was so perfect for him! A perfect fit. ”God I…. I _fucking_ wish I had found you sooner.”

The body under him stiffened. The clinking of metal stopped.

Komaeda, too, halted his movements, narrowing his eyes in mischief as he said, ”Oh, does Hinata-kun like it when I talk like a porn star?” He could feel Hinata throb inside him in response. ”Do you want me to be your little slut? Or…would you rather I made you _my bitch_ and gave you _the privilege_ of fucking my hole?”

Hinata’s face might have been red as a ripe tomato, and his mouth may have hung open in apparent shock at his words, but as always, his lower parts didn’t lie.

”Judging by that reaction of yours, I think you’d be fine with either,” Komaeda smirked at him. He lifted his body slowly, savoring the conflicted look of lust and embarrassment on Hinata’s face, and then dropped himself back down.

Hinata groaned and clenched his fists impatiently, but Komaeda wasn’t planning on yielding just yet. Instead, he leaned back with his palms on Hinata’s thighs and started rocking himself back and forth, essentially giving himself a prostate massage with Hinata's dick. ”I — _mmm_ — wish we could be joined like this forever…it feels so g-good inside!” 

”Ko...Komaeda! Don’t —” Hinata started, but Komaeda’s exaggerated moans drowned him out as he rode him with all of his strength, putting his lower body to good use.

Komaeda was now focusing on bringing pleasure for his partner, because ultimately, no matter what kind of obscenities left his mouth, his goal was to please Hinata with the best of his efforts.

”I can feel your thick cock deep inside of me, filling me up so good. Ah, yes Hinata-kun, please cum inside me —!”

”Komaeda, quit that!” Hinata raised his voice but failed to sound convincing when he was practically half-moaning under him, his face twisted in a frustrated expression as he bit his lower lip in some desperate attempt to pretend that he didn’t like submitting.

Too bad Komaeda already knew how to push all the right buttons.

”That’s not the safe word, Hinata-kun,” he pointed out, changing his position so that he was leaning against Hinata’s chest with both hands. He breathed in his face, ”I don’t think you want me to stop at all.”

There was a long pause as Hinata kept his mouth shut, and it looked like he was debating himself on something. He’d probably just realized how much he was enjoying this, like the little closet pervert he was. It was kind of adorable, as if Komaeda didn’t know all that already.

”That’s what I thought,” he said, very much self-satisfied, and all it took was a few sinuous rolls of his hips to make Hinata come inside him with a deep grunt.

He milked his cock dry, enjoying the feeling of hot semen filling him to the brim, though his own neglected dick was left poking at Hinata’s stomach sadly while slumped over, panting from the rigorous activity. Just when Komaeda was about to grab it and bring himself release, Hinata stopped him with a single roll of his hips.

”Don’t,” Hinata told him softly. Despite the tone, it was unmistakably an order.

Komaeda whimpered a little; he could feel Hinata’s cock stirring back to life inside him, and though the other man had orgasmed only a minute ago, he was as hard as he’d been before that.

Hinata tugged at the handcuffs binding him to the bedposts. ”Komaeda…let me off. I’m going to fuck you so hard, and I know you want it too.”

Komaeda couldn’t prevent the whiny moan from escaping his lips. Despite the numerous times he had utilized his power to make Hinata dance to his tune, deep down, he was itching and aching to be dominated. He’d let his guard down, and for the first time, he felt like Hinata could see right through him.

”Look at you, all tired and haven’t even cummed yet,” Hinata rasped, which made Komaeda’s dick jump and his knees buckle. ”You did well, now let me handle the rest.”

Acting off instinct, Komaeda leapt off him and began working on freeing him from his bindings. The sudden shift in their power dynamics had left him dazed, and he no longer knew how to reclaim control of the situation. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to.

When the last pair of handcuffs clicked open, Hinata rubbed his wrists and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. ”Good boy. Now sit back down,” he ordered firmly, yet kindly. His words were like honey, and Komaeda just ate them up with no remorse.

Obediently, Komaeda straddled his thighs. He was trembling, from both Hinata’s words and the extortion he’d put his body through that night. He did not quite know where to put his hands, as he hadn’t got permission to move any further, so he just let them rest on his sides.

”No, I said: _sit back down,”_ Hinata repeated, hazel eyes burning as he fixed him with a pointed stare. ”Properly.”

Komaeda’s jaw went slack, but he obeyed and lowered himself on Hinata’s waiting length. Still wet and pliant inside, he sank right down on him. He loved the slick warmth of it, the feeling of being full; nothing else he knew could give him a greater amount of satisfaction. Except maybe…

”Well done, Komaeda,” Hinata praised. ”Just hold on tight, and you don’t have to do anything else.”

A shiver ran through his entire body. He hadn’t expected Hinata to pick up on his kink so suddenly, but he enjoyed it nevertheless. The man could awfully perceptive sometimes, often when Komaeda least expected it. He did as he was told and planted his palms on Hinata’s shoulders, staring down at him with hopeful eagerness.

Hinata took hold of Komaeda’s waist with both hands and lifted him until only the tip remained, then slammed him back down immediately after. Komaeda bit back a whimper as his eyes drew shut. There was something a little dirty about the way Hinata was handling his body, but he liked it enough to willingly surrender himself to his partner's desires.

Hinata picked up a rhythm, thrusting up and pressing Komaeda’s hips down simultaneously, and Komaeda could feel the semen inside him leaking out and spreading with each thrust. The reminder of being filled up with Hinata’s cum made him even more aroused, and he let out a wanton moan.

”You feel so good, Komaeda,” Hinata spoke in hushed whispers, lips ghosting over his ear, ”The way your ass is just accepting me, sucking me in…it’s so fucking good.”

Komaeda was melting. It felt like Hinata was all around him at the same time: nipping at his earlobe, his lips, the side of his neck, his collar bone, holding his waist, his back, his thighs…

Hinata pulled Komaeda’s hips down with more force, blunt nails pressing into the tenderness of his skin like he wanted to mark him. And Komaeda wanted to be marked. He wished Hinata would rip him apart at the seams and put him back together, only to do it all over again so he wouldn’t be able to think about anything else.

”Hi…Hinata…” Komaeda tried to keep up with him and meet his pace, but Hinata’s grip was unyielding — in the end, he could barely do anything else but gasp and whimper and cling onto Hinata helplessly as his hips were brought up, down, up and down...

After a while he could feel Hinata adjusting his hands so that he was cupping his cheeks, fingers inching between his cleft, probing and kneading. Hinata brushed his fingers where he was stretched at, and it was becoming too much for him to handle. Komaeda buried his face into Hinata’s short hair as he kept moaning and squeezing his shoulders tighter.

”Don’t hide there. I want to see it…” Hinata said, his tone both loving and demanding.

It took a long moment for Komaeda’s brain to register the words, but before he could even begin to ask him what he was talking about, Hinata grasped him by the throat and bent him backwards, eyes roving over his face like he’d never seen him before. He suddenly became aware of how horribly ugly he must have looked, soaked in sweat and cum and drool—

”Don’t look now!” he pleaded, too busy clawing at Hinata’s biceps to be able to hide his face.

But Hinata didn’t care. He brought his hand between their bodies and wrapped his fingers around Komaeda’s weeping length. He gave it a few pumps, bringing it to its fullest attention. ”You’re pretty. Even your dick is pretty.”

Komaeda gripped Hinata’s shoulder like his life depended on it. ”Hina…ta…please…I can’t —” He yelped in surprise when his feet suddenly left the mattress and his back crashed against the pillows as Hinata flipped their positions.

Hinata was fucking Komaeda to the headboard now, making it thump-thump-thump against the wall from the force of his thrusts, reaching deeper with each snap of his hips. Komaeda’s hands were splayed across his broad back, nails raking as he cried out, ”A-ahh, Hinata —!”

Komaeda’s toes curled and he cried out as he came, shooting his release between their bodies and on Hinata’s still pumping hand, and finally deflating against the soft pillows underneath him. Hinata followed him down, spreading his legs wider apart as he kept chasing after his own climax.

Too tired to care, Komaeda endured it, gazing at Hinata through half-lidded eyes as his expression changed and his movements grew more irregular and frantic. Hinata squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth when he finally reached the peak, his body going lax against Komaeda’s as he pulsed into him a second time that night.

Worn out, albeit satisfied, he drew a shaky breath into his lungs and let it out slowly, allowing himself to close his eyes for a minute as fatigue took over.

In his head, a single string of thoughts repeated over and over.

_Surely Hinata wouldn’t get bored with him now. Komaeda hadn’t been boring. Hinata couldn’t abandon him. Everything would be alright. It had to. He couldn’t get hurt again._

_He could not._

* * *

Hinata sucked in a breath as he pulled out of Komaeda.

The other man shuddered, and Hinata had to roll over or he’d crush the delicate body under his greater weight. For a long moment, they just laid there without saying a word, trying to catch their breaths as they slowly descended back into this room, this moment.

Hinata turned his head to the side and found Komaeda staring back at him.

”C’mere,” he said and opened his arms for him, inviting him to cuddle.

Komaeda wrinkled his nose. ”But we are sweaty and disgusting.”

"And I'm tired,” Hinata countered and didn’t move his arms.

With a sigh of defeat, Komaeda scooted over and let Hinata wrap his arms around him. It seemed he was too tired to argue, but that worked well for Hinata. He smiled to himself, his eyelids drooping as he felt sleep taking over his body.

His mind, however, didn’t give him the rest he desperately needed.

"You aren't gonna leave this time, are you?” he asked after a minute.

Komaeda chuckled against his chest. "This is my apartment, Hinata-kun."

"Yeah, but still. Promise me you won't," Hinata said, hugging him tightly.

”I promise.”

”Okay. Good.”

.

.

.

.

Just when Hinata was ready to fall asleep, Komaeda piped up, "Hinata-kun?"

"What?" he grumbled tiredly.

"Can I be the big spoon?”

”…fine.”

He turned away from Komaeda, facing the wall, and pulled the cover over himself. Komaeda slipped under it as well, enclosing his arms around Hinata’s torso and resting his hands on his chest.

"Mmm, much better," he sighed, the gust of breath tickling Hinata’s neck.

The things he did for this man.

 _He better still be here in the morning,_ was the last thought that crossed Hinata’s mind as he finally fell into a peaceful, well-deserved sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> bonk me gently with a hammer please


	7. Stay with him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends! As you can see, I took a short break. Turns out writing and stressing about essays all day every day for weeks doesn’t make your creative juices flow, oh no sir, it momentarily demolishes every bit of inspiration and passion you ever had for writing. But now I’m done with all the school related stuff for the rest of the year, which means (!!!) I’m finally able to continue writing this guilty pleasure of mine. 
> 
> And I know we’ve been stuck in the same damn day for two chapters already but…..just bear with me, okay? The good stuff will come eventually. Or the bad. Idk, but I should probably zip it for now. 
> 
> \---
> 
> CW: descriptions of nausea and vomiting

Hinata felt warm. So very warm. Almost hot. 

He poked his leg out from under the blanket, kicking off the sheets he’d got tangled in during his slumber. All better. He tried to fall asleep again, but the sleep did not come; despite his best efforts, he still felt uncomfortable. 

Hinata tried to move, but there was pressure on his chest, as though something was holding him back. Huffing and grunting, he shifted under the blanket again, and then he could feel something else poking at his butt. 

”What the…” he muttered, forcing his eyes open. He saw pale arms wrapped around his torso, holding him in place. 

Hinata pried the intruding hands off him, and when he turned around he was met with Komaeda’s peacefully resting face. A jolt of pure shock surged through his body, and he almost went as far as to pinch himself to find out whether he was dreaming until he started to recall where he was and how he’d ended up here. 

He was at Komaeda’s place. In his bed. And they had been… _spooning._ Almost like they were... _an actual couple_. 

Flashbacks from the night before flooded Hinata's mind one after the other. He remembered the date, which had gone relatively well, and that Komaeda had indeed invited him to his home. Hinata had inquired him about his workroom, and then...

_Oh no._

The great wisdom of delayed post-nut clarity suddenly hit him like a truck, and he couldn’t believe all those things he’d done and said. Something must have snapped in his head to cause that kind of behavior. After a moment of self-reflection prompted by his Voice of Reason, he came to the soothing conclusion that in spite of all that, Komaeda was still there. He hadn’t left or kicked him out either. Hinata also remembered how much Komaeda had liked that side of him — it was almost like the other had somehow planned everything from the very beginning. 

Curse Komaeda and his wicked ways of making him succumb to his most carnal of needs. 

And of course, it was only natural that he found himself thinking about Komaeda’s breathy way of saying his name and the way he had looked when he confidently straddled him, taking what he wanted from him. Then he thought about Komaeda and his fucked-out expression after Hinata had taken control, his hair, damp from sweat sticking to his forehead, and his glossed-over eyes, focusing on Hinata and Hinata only. 

Hinata almost moaned at the thought. God, he was getting turned on again. If only Komaeda would wake up…

” _Nnn_ …” The body beside him stirred, and Hinata’s heart jumped in his chest. As if sensing his dirty thoughts, Komaeda turned his back to him, and the sheet dipped low enough to grant Hinata a full view of his bare ass.

Now, Hinata wasn’t complaining. 

Fresh bruises were splattered across the pale skin of Komaeda’s hips like purple stains of paint, and perhaps Hinata should have felt something akin to guilt or remorse for being the one who’d inflicted them, however, he only felt the already present heat in his lower abdomen increase at the sight. 

Moving carefully so that he wouldn’t startle Komaeda, Hinata inched closer to the man and molded himself against his back, burying his nose in the tousled curls. He parted Komaeda’s hair to the side, peppering small kisses on the back of his neck, the soft baby hairs tickling his nose. 

”Komaeda,” he whispered and tried to coax him out of his drowse as gently as possible. His fingers glided down the man's chest and stopped to draw small circles on his sides, occasionally venturing further down, but purposely avoiding the most sensitive of places. ”Ko-ma-e-da.”

”Go away…” Komaeda’s voice came muffled by the pillow he was snuggling his face into, and Hinata wasn’t sure if he’d heard him correctly. ”Let me sleep!” he finally snapped, though his voice was still veiled with sleep. 

Hinata’s eyes widened. And he’d thought he was cranky in the mornings!

”Would you, uh, like some coffee?” he tried awkwardly. 

No response. 

This called for more drastic measures. 

Hinata bit down onto Komaeda’s shoulder, not enough to hurt, but just enough to give him a good tingle. 

”It’s the crack of dawn, Hinata-kun. Why are you being so horny?”

Hinata glanced at the digital alarm clock on the nightstand, and it clearly stated 12:30 PM. ”It’s actually noon.”

”What?” Komaeda jumped up on the bed. He looked like a mess with his hair more disheveled than ever, feet tangled in the sheets, and Hinata’s marks adorning his skin. A sexy, hot mess. 

”It’s Sunday, we have no classes today,” Hinata reminded him. He, for one, was free from responsibilities for the entire day. Well, maybe some dusty old paper was waiting for him to finish writing it, but it could wait a little longer. ”I’m not in any rush to go home, so if you want to…you know.”

”What are you suggesting?” Komaeda asked while rubbing the sleep off his eye. He still looked somewhat ticked off, but Hinata could change that.

”I could help you get rid of this, for starters,” he said and pressed on Komaeda’s chest until his back came in contact with the mattress again, then crawled over him and cupped the man’s erection that persisted despite his mild irritation at the situation. 

”I…ah…um,” Komaeda uttered and averted his eyes with a slight blush dusting over his cheeks. They'd just had sex last night, but for some reason, he was acting all bashful now when Hinata was the one initiating it. 

Sensing no sign of actual rejection, Hinata took hold of Komaeda’s legs and pulled them apart so he could lay himself down between them. He pressed open-mouthed kisses on his calves, trailing his way up and pausing to suck at the fair skin of his inner thighs. In the bright daylight, he could discern some faint scars on both of Komaeda’s thighs. It looked like something thin and sharp had sliced at them multiple times, leaving behind its permanent reminder. 

”Where’d you get these from?” Hinata asked curiously while staring at the man from between his legs, massaging one scarred thigh with light, caring touches. He felt the barely noticeable bumps on the tips of his fingers each time he brushed over them. 

”It was… an unfortunate accident,” came the strained answer. Hinata waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t. 

And that was fine with Hinata. Komaeda didn’t have any obligation to tell him about his past, even if they were now — for lack of a better word — dating. However, that didn’t mean he wouldn’t remain curious about it. 

”Uh-huh,” he eventually hummed as an acknowledgment and switched to the other thigh to plant kisses there as well. Komaeda shivered, and Hinata smiled against his skin, ghosting his lips down his thigh and pressing one brief kiss on the hardened length as well. 

Komaeda’s breathing was becoming more labored with each caress of his lips, and as Hinata pulled away to look at him properly, he caught glimpse of his puckered opening, still wet and sticky with last night’s fluids. 

Unable to resist the urge, he pressed one digit inside Komaeda’s slick hole. ”Are you sore here? Looks like you haven’t absorbed all my cum yet.” 

”That’s… _uh…_ disgusting,” Komaeda complained, but his needy tone and eagerly twitching cock told Hinata otherwise. As Hinata’s finger re-emerged with a wet schlick, the other man was blushing furiously. Oh, how the tables had turned.

”I won’t touch you there if you don’t like it,” Hinata said, though he kept circling the rim nonetheless. He was starting to enjoy this far too much and would be disappointed if Komaeda told him to stop.

Luckily, he didn’t.

Feeling experimental, Hinata traced his fingers a bit upwards and began applying pressure on the erogenous patch of skin there. Komaeda’s breath hitched, and that encouraged him to dig his fingers deeper into the spot. He’d tried doing something similar to himself once while masturbating, and admittedly, it had felt quite nice but Komaeda’s reaction was even better. 

”Ahh, Hinata-kun! Just shove them in, please,” Komaeda begged while clenching the bed sheets tightly.

Biting back a smile, Hinata teased, ”But you just said that it’s disgusting.”

”I… I meant that _I_ am dis— _gh!_ ” Komaeda clamped his mouth shut and looked away in frustration. It seemed that he’d only just realized how much of a wasted effort it’d be to argue back because Hinata knew. He _knew_ exactly how much Komaeda wanted it, but was too shy to ask for it for some reason. 

Now that he had rendered Komaeda speechless for once, Hinata allowed himself to feel a little bit sadistic. He kept rubbing the spot over and over again until Komaeda was shaking under his touch, and on a sudden whim he took Komaeda’s cock in his mouth, tasting the saltiness on his tongue. 

Komaeda let out a small cry as a warning, and Hinata pulled away to dodge the ropes of cum that spurted out right after, though most of it ended up landing on his face regardless.

He, Hajime Hinata, had officially sucked dick for the first time.

* * *

After both of their needs had been taken care of, they finally rolled out of bed. Komaeda insisted that changing the sheets before anything else was mandatory, and Hinata offered to help him but soon found out that he was only making things worse. He quickly learned that Komaeda was very particular about the correct order of things in his home. 

While Komaeda kept himself busy with his weird morning routine, Hinata kind of just stood there and watched as Komaeda carefully arranged the pillows on top of the cover. As he passed by, Hinata leaned in to peck him on the lips, but Komaeda put a hand to his mouth, stopping him halfway. ”No offense, Hinata-kun, but your morning breath mixed with the taste of my dick doesn't make me want to kiss you right now,” he said apologetically. 

Needless to say, Hinata went straight to the bathroom to take a shower and brush his teeth with his fingers because obviously he hadn’t thought to bring a toothbrush, of all things, with him to their first date. Once squeaky-clean, he took a good look at himself in the bathroom mirror and cringed at the sight. 

As he'd feared, Komaeda had done a number on his back the night before. He inspected the angry red nail marks that trailed from his shoulder blades all the way down to his lower back. The handcuffs had also left light marks on both of his wrists, albeit much lighter due to the fur cover. Thank god it was sweater season. 

Hinata had asked Komaeda to lend him a clean set of clothes, but all his pants were awkwardly tight on him, if they fit at all, so he settled for his own wrinkled pair of chinos and a loosely fitting hoodie, which Komaeda had assured would be large enough for his ”bulging pecs”, as he’d so eloquently put it. After dressing up, he informed the other that the shower was now free to use. 

While Komaeda was in the shower, Hinata used that time to check his phone and found several notifications waiting for him. A few unread emails, useless app notifications… Dozens of new messages from different group chats (he should probably mute those)… A kind reminder from Nanami to summarize the events of the date — he’d have to do that later. 

In the end, Hinata decided to ignore them all for now, except for one message that had made him a bit anxious since he’d seen who the sender was. He opened the conversation.

 **Iruma Miu:** so how's the camboys been treatin ya lately? 

Hinata’s stomach lurched — _Does she know? How does she know?_ — but then he saw the other messages. 

**Iruma Miu:** don't ignore me

 **Iruma Miu:** btw saw your pathetic cuck ass hanging out with some hottie yesterday like damn if u ain't already doin him drop him my number

So she didn’t know. Hinata rolled his eyes and turned the screen off. As if.

Before Hinata could start plotting his own fake death in order to avoid replying to any of the messages, Komaeda joined him in the kitchen, wearing a cute fluffy bathrobe and matching slippers. 

”I’m sorry I couldn’t find you anything more suitable to wear,” the man apologized with a sigh, as though he was letting Hinata down by not owning clothes that perfectly fit his unexpected guest. 

Hinata waved his hands dismissively, saying, ”Don’t worry about it, this hoodie is actually very comfy.” _And it smells like you,_ he added in his head.

Just then, his stomach decided to announce its state of emptiness by growling loudly. 

”You’re free to take whatever strikes your fancy, either from the fridge or the pantry,” Komaeda told him and went to put some coffee on. 

_Well then, don’t mind if I do,_ Hinata thought as he opened the refrigerator. The shelves were packed with instant meals and cans of some health mumbo-jumbo bullshit drink, and the absence of any kind of fresh cooking ingredients struck him as very unusual.

”Uhh, don’t you have anything like, say, eggs here?” he asked, perplexed until he remembered Komaeda’s dietary restrictions. ”Ah, I guess you don’t eat those. How about vegetables? Or whatever you normally have for breakfast?” 

This time Komaeda shook his head and replied, ”Usually, I just eat something like cereal or toast, if I’m hungry at all… I don’t have much appetite in the mornings.”

Cereal and toast? Did Komaeda not know how to cook or…? Hinata’s frown deepened. Wait, why did he own all that cooking equipment then? Were all rich people like that? Unbelievable.

”I’ll have some toast, then,” Hinata declared while trying to hide his disappointment. He wasn’t a foodie per se, but eating bland toast for breakfast was just plain sad. Even for a monetarily challenged student like him.

Once coffee had been brewed, cereal poured, and bread toasted, the pair sat down at the kitchen table to eat. Komaeda stuck a spoon into the bowl of cereal, while Hinata took a bite of his crispy toast. They ate together in silence, save for the occasional crunching noises and clinking of spoons and coffee mugs. For Hinata, it was the most domestic thing he’d experienced in… God knows how long it’d been. 

He quickly needed something else to think about. His mind (un)helpfully drifted back to the events of the previous night. 

”You know, last night… I’ve never heard you talk like _that_ before," he remarked thoughtfully. Komaeda often opted for the most unfitting of word choices, but last night had been something else. He’d also noticed that the camboy rarely used any four-letter words outside of his… job. Komaeda, the polite and quiet (but if you actually spoke to him there was no end to his speech) guy from the law department certainly never did. 

"Well, that was just… I was just trying to…" Komaeda looked away. Was he…blushing again? "It was not my intention to offend you.”

"Oh no, I didn't mean it like that." Hinata didn't want to admit it, but Komaeda could literally drag him by the hair everywhere and call him his bitch as much as he wanted to, and Hinata would silently thank him for that. ”It was…nice. A bit unexpected, but still nice. I liked it.”

”I could tell,” Komaeda simply said and continued crunching on his cereal. 

Hinata felt like he was losing his grasp on Komaeda. Again. ”Okay, but like, what’s the problem then?”

”You tell me.” 

Hinata couldn’t determine if Komaeda was being passive-aggressive, or if it was something else entirely. Komaeda had looked genuinely puzzled for a moment, then apathetic as he gazed into the depths of his cereal bowl. 

”Say, Hinata-kun…don’t you think it’s insolent of me to behave like that?”

”Like what? Why would it be?” Hinata blurted, eyebrows knitting together. ”I mean, it’s not like you were the only one saying some weird shit in bed. Your mind gets fogged and it just happens, plain and simple.” While Komaeda was the adult content creator of the room and it showed, Hinata hadn’t consumed a shit-ton of kinky porn for nothing. 

”Hmm. I guess you might be right,” Komaeda admitted and pushed the bowl away, although he hadn’t eaten as much as a few spoonfuls before or during the entire conversation. ”I’m full.”

Hinata finished his toast and the rest of Komaeda’s cereal. He couldn’t force the other man to eat, but the least he could do was save it from going to waste. He wished Komaeda would take better care of himself. Maybe Hinata could teach him how to cook, assuming Komaeda wanted to keep him around for that long.

After (a very late) breakfast they attempted to watch another movie but ended up napping on the couch with Komaeda facing the backrest and Hinata holding him from behind. It was a bit cramped, to say the least, with two adult men of their size, but it also served as an excuse for Hinata to hold Komaeda close to him. He was still unsure what was an appropriate level of closeness and affection outside of bedroom activities, but Komaeda hadn’t flashed any red lights at him yet, which was good. 

A couple of hours passed rather uneventfully while they both slept their exhaustion away, and Hinata was the first one to rouse from their little afternoon nap. When he'd regained enough consciousness to pay attention to his surroundings, he quickly noticed something was amiss. 

Komaeda was trembling so slightly that it could've gone unnoticed had his back not been glued to Hinata's chest due to the scarcity of space. Hinata untangled himself and sat up on the couch, resting his hand on Komaeda’s damp back, the material of the man’s shirt sticking to his drenched skin. He was probably feeling hot, for they’d been exchanging body heat for some time now, locked in that same position. Hinata didn’t feel particularly hot himself, but Komaeda was the one pressed against the couch so maybe it was different for him. He’d still better check on him, just in case.

”Komaeda,” he called gently, giving the other man a small nudge. 

Hinata hadn’t expected Komaeda to answer immediately, so he was taken aback when he did. Turning around and latching onto the fabric of Hinata’s pants, he croaked out one word — ”bathroom” — and he really looked like shit with unnaturally sweaty skin, chapped lips, and his face sickly pale like he was about to throw up.

And throw up he did. Once Hinata moved aside, Komaeda bolted off the couch and ran straight to the bathroom, slamming the door shut in his wake. 

Hinata first listened to the grotesque sound of vomiting while he paced around the hallway aimlessly, but after a while he just couldn’t take it anymore and barged into the bathroom, consequences be damned. 

Komaeda was hunched over the toilet, arms shaking as he gripped the toilet seat so hard that his already pale knuckles turned almost pure white. He coughed and gagged violently before throwing up again, and Hinata didn’t know what to do, couldn’t find the correct words to comfort him or ask if he was all right (clearly he wasn’t), so he simply held Komaeda’s hair back so that he wouldn’t get any vomit on it. 

When all was out, Komaeda collapsed onto the floor. He stared into space, absently swiping at the corner of his mouth with his sleeve.

”Talk to me, Komaeda. Do you need anything?” Hinata asked, almost pleading. Seeing Komaeda like this pulled at his heartstrings, and his own helplessness in the situation only made it worse. 

Komaeda shook his head at first, but then a hand flew to his mouth, and his body folded over as though he was in severe pain. ”Cabinet, far left…orange bottle,” he instructed weakly, a curtain of hair falling over his face and masking his expression as he hung his head even lower.

Hinata was on the move before Komaeda had even finished his sentence. Since he already knew which cabinet the other was referring to, he managed to find the bottle for Komaeda in no time. 

”I’ll go get you some water,” he informed and exited the bathroom, leaving Komaeda to fumble with the pill bottle on the floor.

It didn’t take him long to navigate his way in Komaeda’s kitchen, and as he returned to the bathroom with a glass of cold water, Komaeda was sitting on the toilet lid. His posture was slumped, but he was looking a little better already. He accepted the glass Hinata offered to him with a forced smile and downed the medicine with a long gulp of water. 

”It’s just anti-nausea medication. I forgot to take it earlier,” Komaeda explained when Hinata kept eyeing him worryingly. "I'm sorry you had to see me in such a disgusting condition. You must be completely and utterly repulsed now after witnessing my pathetic state of being.” 

”Komaeda, you… There’s no need to apologize for something like that,” Hinata struggled to say. It wasn’t like Komaeda suddenly chose to feel nauseous in Hinata’s presence, even if it kind of was his ”fault” for not taking the medication in time. Only Komaeda would blame himself for getting sick, though.

”Look, I don’t know what made you feel ill, but I’m here for you. I’ll stay with you if it helps?” he offered, already steeling himself for possible rejection. It was likely he'd overstayed his welcome, but he couldn’t leave the other man alone like this without at least offering to help. 

There was a long moment of silence, during which they both stared at one another, and Hinata caught himself once again trying to solve the enigma that was Nagito Komaeda.

”It…would,” Komaeda spoke softly, ”…help, I mean.”

”Ah. But Hinata-kun doesn’t have to do that if he does not want to!” he added louder this time, and waved his hands around as if he was trying to refute his earlier statement. ”It’s already late and we both have classes tomorrow — and alas, you don’t even have your things with you.”

”I can get my things in the morning, I’ll just have to wake up a little earlier than I’m used to,” Hinata assured him. ”Besides, I already made up my mind.”

”...I guess I cannot meddle with your plans then,” Komaeda stated, and this time the small smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth seemed more genuine, and a little relieved. 

The rest of the day consisted of more napping, ordering take-out, and watching some god-awful reality TV shows. Komaeda claimed he wasn’t feeling sick anymore, but Hinata still kept a close eye on him. Couldn’t have him choking on his own vomit, that was all. 

As he’d promised, he slept over for one more night. 

* * *

The next morning the plan was to get breakfast, take the train to Hinata’s place to get his things, and then attend class. Komaeda hadn’t shown any signs of sickness again, and everything around him seemed to have returned to its normal order. To Hinata, the past weekend mostly felt like a distant fever dream, and the only proof that any of it had been real was Komaeda waiting for him at the door with a smile on his face as he put his shoes on. His lips were coated in pinkish gloss again, his eyes no longer bloodshot, and his face the normal amount of pale; Hinata could hardly believe how ill he’d looked only the day before. 

As they exited the apartment into the common hallway, they ran into a girl, almost quite literally when she suddenly flung herself out of the apartment right next to Komaeda’s. She glared at them as if they'd committed a heinous crime of some sort, her fingers gripping the door handle in shaking fury. 

”I knew it was you, you filthy slut!” she yelled and pointed an accusing finger at Komaeda. Her voice was high-pitched in a child-like way, and it was probably the most annoying thing Hinata had ever heard. ”Get a gag or something, and stuff it in your nasty mouth, my ears are still bleeding!”

”And good morning to you too, Saionji-san!” Komaeda smiled at the blonde girl (woman?), but Hinata could tell it was fake from the way it didn’t reach his eyes. 

Saionji turned to Hinata, glancing at him from head to toe and sneering, ”Are you his new _boyfriend_?” 

Hinata’s heart skipped a beat and he blushed, although the word ”boyfriend” was spoken in a mocking tone, a rather transparent attempt to upset them. Or probably just Komaeda, since they didn’t seem to be on friendly terms.

”Hey loser, I’m talking to you!” Saionji snapped her fingers in front of Hinata, now clearly trying to annoy _him_ on purpose. ”Do me a favor and fuck your bitch-boyfriend a little less hard next time.”

Hinata opened his mouth to retort, but Komaeda beat him to it, ”Do I need to give Koizumi a call and tell her that her _toddler_ is throwing a tantrum in the hallway again?” He stared down at his neighbor menacingly, his tall frame towering over her shorter one. 

”Y-you…you wouldn’t bother her when she’s got an important client,” Saionji objected, but her voice was beginning to falter the longer Komaeda held her gaze. 

”I wouldn’t? Are you sure?” he asked, putting on a whole show of innocence as he pulled out his phone. ”I honestly don’t know why, but she got _really_ mad at me the last time I called her…”

”Ugh! I have to leave, but don’t think you’ve won this one yet,” she hissed, her long ponytail swishing as she turned her head away in distaste. ”If I catch you or your sad, limp biscuit of a boyfriend making a racket one more time, I’ll kill the both of you!”

”But of course. I wouldn’t expect anything less from you,” Komaeda beamed, and Saionji responded by slamming the door to his face. ”Have a nice day!” he called after her before turning to Hinata with a million-dollar smile.

If Komaeda had a dog's tail it would be wagging excitedly right now; he seemed to be proud of his accomplishment, though Hinata couldn’t fully grasp the situation at hand. 

”What’s up with her?” Hinata inquired, feeling curious whether this was a common neighbor rivalry thing or something more deep-rooted.

”Oh, you know,” Komaeda gave a carefree chuckle, ”she doesn’t like it when I’m being loud. As costly as it is to live in this building, the walls are paper-thin, and it can cause problems with the neighbors, especially when I’m streaming late at night.”

It took a moment for Hinata to catch onto what he was insinuating, and now he wanted to hang himself on the spot. If Saionji had truly heard _everything_ that had gone down during the weekend — or even a fraction of it — he needed to consider never showing his face around this neighborhood again. Even his shitty rathole of an apartment was more sound-resistant than that. 

Feeling a sudden, desperate urge to get out of this place, he said: ”Let’s get that breakfast before we run late. ” Komaeda nodded at him happily, completely oblivious to his internal turmoil. 

Later that day, Hinata realized Komaeda had never denied the whole ”boyfriend” thing. 

* * *

After a busy day of almost nothing but running from one class to another, Hinata was back at home in his bleak one-room apartment.

It felt a little bittersweet; he’d been craving for some time alone to gather his thoughts and recharge his social batteries, but then again he really missed another person’s warmth — Komaeda’s, to be exact. Even though the other man, more often than not, confused him with his peculiar and highly unpredictable behavior, Hinata came to the conclusion that he didn’t want to be separated from him either. 

As Hinata laid down in bed, a long sigh left his lungs. He stared at the patchy ceiling, all kinds of questions swimming in his head.

Did he pity Komaeda? 

That couldn't be it. He worried for him deeply and sometimes his heart ached for him, but he didn't feel any _pity_ for him.

Perhaps, could he be...? Was he in...? 

No, it was far too early for that. He'd been so accustomed to feeling lonely all the time, like he did not belong, and now he felt weird because of that. Yeah, that was probably it. 

Just when Hinata was finally able to tame his racing thoughts, he received an unexpected text message from someone he’d rather, but could never, forget about.

**Kamukura Izuru:** I’m flying back to Japan in a few weeks. We need to discuss something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays and see you next year...
> 
> ...or not.


	8. Curb your addiction

Three weeks had passed since their first date, but it still wasn't entirely clear to Hinata what they were. They spent most of their free time together doing different kinds of activities. Sometimes they were mundane things like going grocery shopping or helping the other with dishes or laundry, and sometimes fun, date-ish things such as going to the movies together. The sex was more than good; it was mind-blowing. And he definitely felt happier with Komaeda than he’d felt before when he'd been all alone — or with anyone else, for that matter.

Yet, a constant nagging at the back of Hinata’s skull told him that something was missing. He had tried to ignore that voice at first, telling himself over and over again that he should be grateful for what he already had with Komaeda. But that voice never went away, and now Hinata had to admit that their relationship certainly felt lacking in some aspects. 

Was it just about the label? Essentially nobody knew they were dating each other, and that bothered Hinata to some degree. He didn't want to keep it a secret from his friends, but he didn't want to step on Komaeda's toes either after promising they would go at his pace. It was starting to take a toll on him, all that hiding and whatnot, with the increasing number of questions regarding the ”stupid grin” he supposedly wore while staring at this phone on lunch breaks, and the reason as to why he always left their hangouts ”way too early”. 

Another thing Hinata had learned about himself during the past few weeks was that he had (much to his own shock) a bit of a possessive streak. And it was always about the smallest of things, too. Komaeda giving attention to his fans and flirting with them during the streams shouldn't have affected him the way it did. It was stupid, and at first, Hinata didn’t even want to admit it. However, sweeping glaringly obvious issues under the rug was never going to work, and so it happened that Hinata’s jealousy ended up becoming the spark that ignited their first legitimate fight. 

They were hanging out at Komaeda’s place one evening, as they had done many times before that ever since Hinata had started to practically live there on the weekends. It was just much easier to spend time that way since they lived on opposite sides of the city. 

Komaeda was lounging on the sofa, wrapped up in a blanket and tapping away on his tablet as he often did when he wasn’t trying to get Hinata’s attention in the most obscure of ways. Hinata had just finished doing the dishes when he walked over to Komaeda and peered over his shoulder, catching a glimpse of something very un-family-friendly. 

"What are you doing?" Hinata demanded, his eyes zooming in on the ongoing conversation on the tablet screen. The familiar flame of jealousy was flaring up inside him, licking at his insides and threatening to burn away all sense of reason. 

”Sending lewds to my top donators,” Komaeda responded casually, as if sending nude pictures of yourself to total strangers in front of your boyf— the person you were going out with was completely normal and not frowned upon.

The flame inside Hinata grew bigger, and his mouth twisted into a grimace. ”Do you really need to that when you have _this_ much money?” he questioned, his voice harsher than he’d intended as he gestured around himself. 

Komaeda blinked up at him owlishly, like he didn’t understand why Hinata was feeling that way. Then, his expression darkened significantly. 

”If my engaging with the fans of my show makes you that unhappy, maybe you should stop watching it altogether. Besides, I'm here right now,” Komaeda snarked, his face unreadable. There was an edge to his tone that pissed Hinata right off. 

"But! It's not the same thing,” he argued. How could Komaeda even think to suggest something like that? Hinata was one of his most active, most devoted, most _everything_ fan. Komaeda would have to pry the Lucky Lewd cam-show from his cold, dead, cum-stained hands. 

"I think you may have a porn addiction, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda stated, and he didn’t look too happy about it either. Shit. 

"So?" Hinata challenged. He was getting too defensive of his bad habit and he knew it, but he couldn’t back off now. 

Komaeda stood up, huffing out, "Guess you don't need me here, then. Have fun with my clips!" 

"But I’ve already watched them all…!” Hinata began to protest, but Komaeda was already leaving. "No, that's not what I —" 

Hinata grabbed Komaeda’s wrist before he could go any farther and pulled him into his lap on the couch, making the other face him. ”I’m sorry. I stepped out of line,” he admitted and took Komaeda’s hands in his own, lacing their fingers together. 

He locked gazes with Komaeda, determination blazing in his eyes as he continued, ”I won’t watch the streams anymore if it bothers you. I told you before: I care about you as a person more than I care about the show.”

A slight blush rose to Komaeda’s cheeks and he looked away briefly, but the impish smile Hinata had grown so accustomed to was quick to return when he met Hinata’s eyes again. ”You can keep watching it, I don’t really mind… Ah, _well_ — If I’m being completely honest, I do like the idea of you touching yourself while you watch me perform.”

Hinata groaned in frustration. ”Don’t ruin the moment, Komaeda. I’m being dead serious here.”

Komaeda let out an airy laugh, clearly having fun at Hinata’s expense before turning silent once more, furrowing his brows a little in concentration. He was thinking hard about something.

”Oh! Hinata-kun…” he breathed out a moment later, appearing as though something had just clicked together in his brain. ”Were you perhaps…jealous?” he asked hesitantly like he didn't fully believe that could be the case, although it very obviously was.

”Can you blame me?” Hinata sighed, giving him a sheepish look. ”You have so many fans and I’m just one of them. You’re so popular you could have anyone, and I’m a nobody, really.”

Komaeda’s eyes softened. ”Hinata-kun…”

Hinata averted his gaze, suddenly embarrassed by his own forwardness. Komaeda cupped Hinata's cheek with one hand and turned his head to face him as he spoke softly, ”You might not be popular, or talented, or anything special by society’s standards…” 

Hinata winced at the words, and he could feel how his heart sank to the deepest pit of his stomach. 

_So this is finally it. Komaeda is about to let me down easy._

His words were painfully accurate and they cut him deep, but he tried to keep a straight face because Komaeda wasn’t done talking. 

”But to me, you are one of a kind,” he finished, brushing over Hinata’s cheek with his thumb. 

Hinata blinked dumbly for a few seconds. ”…What?” he finally asked, trying to spot any signs of insincerity but there was none. Komaeda merely gave him a smile, which — if Hinata didn’t know any better — he would’ve called _devout_. 

”I never told you, but I’m thankful. Thank you…for your braveness. For reaching out to me and asking me out. For being patient with me, and generally putting up with my undeserving self.”

Hinata’s pulse was rising to dangerous levels, and he didn’t know how to respond, so he kissed Komaeda with unrelenting fervor, hoping to convey his message better that way. ”Don’t say that and then call yourself undeserving,” he chastised before claiming the other’s lips again, giving him no chance to argue back. 

Komaeda placed his hands behind Hinata’s ears, holding his head in place as he returned the kiss just as fiercely. His tongue poked at Hinata’s lips, asking for entrance, and Hinata let him in, seeing he was as hungry for Komaeda’s mouth as Komaeda was for his. Instinctively, Hinata slid his own hands down Komaeda’s frame, resting his palms on the narrow thighs and giving them a squeeze. Komaeda responded by sucking at Hinata's lower lip just the way he liked it, which made him forget everythingaround them for a brief moment.

Short breaths were drawn in between messy kisses. Hands kept wandering to places they perhaps shouldn’t have. Komaeda then ground his hips against Hinata’s, forcing him to break the liplock to gasp for air. 

”You do realize that among those faceless masses, you’re the only one who’s allowed to touch me like this, don’t you, Hinata-kun?” he whispered, dragging his teeth along the edge of his ear. 

”Uh…yeah, I g-guess…” Hinata stuttered a bit while trying to think clearly, because _fucking Komaeda_ was so good with his mouth no matter what he decided to do with it, ”I hate to remind you, but we were supposed to be working on that project tonight…”

”What project?” Komaeda asked before nipping at his earlobe. ”I seem to have forgotten. Are you _absolutely_ certain?”

Fine. If Komaeda wanted to play games, Hinata wouldn’t hesitate to whip out his own ace in the hole.

He took Komaeda’s hands in his own and declared with the cheesiest tone he could pull off: ”Komaeda, you are the prettiest man I have ever seen. Nothing will ever beat your beauty, oh how I long to gaze into your mossy orbs hours on end —”

Komaeda smacked a hand over Hinata’s mouth. ”You’re playing dirty,” he pouted while trying to hide his reddening face with his other hand. 

”You started it,” Hinata mumbled against Komaeda’s hand before giving it a tender kiss. Komaeda hummed in defeat and practically deflated against Hinata, his entire body going boneless. 

_What a child_ , Hinata thought, although he did find even his brattiest tantrums at least remotely endearing. He should stop taking lessons from his neighbor, though. One Saionji was more than enough.

 _”Oops, almost didn’t see you there. Maybe consider doing something to that forgettable mug of yours?”_ had soon turned into _”Look, the town bicycle’s owner is back! Mahiru, come quick, he’s carrying something suspicious!”_ and Hinata seriously didn’t know how to react. Even though he always walked straight past her, the bullying never ceased. 

Yes, he was being bullied. By a woman-child. Still better than inviting Komaeda over to his place. Hinata was pretty sure he hated it there. 

Since Komaeda had now decided to use him as a recliner of sorts, Hinata couldn’t do much so he began playing with the limp hand in his grip, carefully brushing over each bony knuckle with his fingers. 

_His hands are always so icy compared to mine._

Growing bored with his current task, he flipped the hand over to inspect the lines on his palm. Among those lines was something Hinata noticed didn’t quite fit there. 

”Wait, what’s this…?” he muttered and brought the hand closer to his face, just to make sure…

Another scar. Unlike the ones on his thighs, this one looked deep _._

”Did _he_ do this to you?” Hinata asked firmly, tugging at the hand in his grip to emphasize the graveness of the matter. He needed to know.

Komaeda’s body stiffened against his own in response. Bingo. 

”If he ever wakes up, I’m going to maul his ass.”

Komaeda perked up at that and pulled his hand away forcefully. ”I’m sure he’s practically braindead at this point,” he laughed, which Hinata found a little concerning, if not downright disturbing. ”It’s useless to bear a grudge for someone who’s already as good as dead, don’t you think?”

Something about that smelled fishy, but Hinata wanted to trust him regardless. The scars on his body, his secretive behavior concerning his past, the few occasions he'd spent in the bathroom coughing or vomiting out the meal Hinata had prepared for him with care… Somehow, those things had to be tied together. He didn’t yet know how, but he had a feeling he would find out sooner than later. 

As Komaeda wouldn’t budge, the discussion soon drifted to other topics, and finally, the damned group project. But that didn’t mean Hinata would forget about this particular exchange. 

He didn’t forget at all.

* * *

Fast forward another week, and Komaeda was visiting the only person he had the honor of calling a friend of his. Her name was Chiaki Nanami. 

The funny thing was, this Chiaki Nanami also happened to be a childhood friend of Hinata, the guy he was seeing. Small world, right? Well, apparently she had never told Hinata that she was friends with a lowlife like him, and evidently, Hinata hadn’t bothered to tell his friends about him either — which, he completely understood, because who would want to admit to being close to someone who was leading a life of arrant debauchery? 

While Komaeda couldn’t say he was entirely pleased with how things currently were, it was still fun to share gossip with the person who knew the juiciest bits of his date's past, while said date remained none the wiser about the fact. He wasn’t sure if he even had the right to ask for more, as he didn't want to burden Hinata any more than he already did. 

”By the way, how did the date go?” Nanami asked all of a sudden, setting aside her handheld gaming console she’d been glued to for the past two hours at minimum.

Komaeda dipped the brush he was holding into the bottle of nail polish once more, wiping off the excess on the neck of the bottle. ”Didn’t Hinata-kun already tell you about that? It’s been a month,” he said while coating the last unpainted nail in black. Perfect. He screwed the cap in place and started to blow on his nails despite knowing fairly well that it wouldn’t make the polish dry any quicker. Now it was just another habit he couldn’t shake off. 

”He did, but I never heard it from your perspective,” Nanami told him, leaning back on her baby pink gaming chair and twirling around half a spin. ”And I’m sure Hajime left something out, he’s not very good at describing details.”

”That sounds just like Hinata-kun… But sure, I’ll tell you! Anything for my good friend,” Komaeda grinned and began retelling the events of the date from his point of view. Nanami hummed and nodded along, occasionally cutting in to ask specifying questions. 

”— and then he promised he would watch over me for the entire night, can you believe it?” Komaeda gushed at the end of his story. He almost didn’t believe it himself, but somehow Hinata had tolerated such an off-putting display — and not only tolerated but offered to help him, too. And ever since then, he’d been true to his word. 

”Actually, I can,” Nanami giggled. ”Hajime is the sweetest person I know, he just isn’t always the best at showing how much he cares.”

 _He cares about me_ , Komaeda thought to himself and hugged his own arms in excitement. He could barely contain himself; how lucky he’d been to attract a man like Hinata!

”Hey, Nagito…” Nanami tapped his shoulder gently, which eventually made him snap out of it. ”It’s good to see you’re finally allowing yourself to date again. And I’m glad it’s Hajime you’re dating, he’s become much livelier lately. He didn’t show much interest in…well, anything but studying for quite a while before you came along.”

Komaeda thought back to when he’d only just met Hinata a couple of months ago, and indeed, he had been noticeably different. He wouldn’t have called him depressed back then, not exactly, but he’d noticed something had been troubling Hinata for a while. The man generally worried too much about everything, and one thing in particular, which had been none other than Komaeda’s fault. 

”Actually, Hinata-kun, he…” Komaeda could feel his smile wither, and he needed to swallow before continuing, ”He noticed my scars." 

Nanami hummed in thought. ”And what did you say to him?" 

"I didn't tell him anything." 

”Nagito…" Nanami was now scolding him, ”I think you should tell him the truth." 

He inspected his half-dried nails like he couldn’t care less, ”About what?”

"You know what I'm talking about." 

"I don't want to,” Komaeda sighed after realizing he wouldn’t be able to fool her. Nanami had become creepily accurate at reading him over the couple of years they had known each other. ”I just want to start from a clean table with Hinata-kun. It’s better this way. He knows I was stuck in an unhealthy relationship, and that’s all he needs to know. If he knew…what I did back then, he would leave me, I'm sure.” 

And he’d been trying so hard to forget, to let go of his dark past. For the most part, he had succeeded. Only a handful of people knew the entirety of the story behind his first and only relationship, and those who knew weren’t around anymore. That had allowed him to craft an ideal version of the events, a story much more clean and presentable to tell other people when needed. At one point, he himself had started to believe in that lie. What would become of him if he let go of that now?

"How can you be so certain?" Nanami pressed. Of course, she wouldn’t let him off the hook that easily.

”Because I deceived him once already…in a sense," he explained. "He’s not going to forgive me twice.” 

Nanami stared at him patiently, waiting for him to elaborate, while Komaeda’s eyes wandered restlessly around the room. Eventually, they landed on the table in front of him, where Nanami’s collection of nail polish was scattered about. He found the color red the most repulsive.

”I think he knows I’m hiding something from him, but I don’t think he’s managed to pick up on much else. Even if he did forgive me for lying, he would despise me after figuring out how clingy, desperate, and pathetic I truly am. That's not the kind of man he took interest in." 

Komaeda knew Hinata was attracted to his confidence and his ability to take initiative. Surely he would be disappointed if he learned it was all part of a carefully planted lie. A mask he'd created for himself; a total fraud. He had let it slip too many times already, mainly because Hinata kept surprising him time and time again with his honesty and boldness. Hinata was always being so considerate towards him, and Komaeda kept selfishly taking advantage of that. He knew all too well that he didn’t deserve any of Hinata’s kindness, yet he was so scared to lose it.

Nanami sighed and picked up her console again, which was her way of saying ”I give up” while knowing there was nothing to gain from arguing with Komaeda on that specific matter. ”Do what you think is for the best. But if he finds out about it from someone else, he’s going to take it personally.”

Komaeda promised to speak nothing but the truth once the topic came up with Hinata again, mostly to make Nanami feel more at ease, although a part of him started to genuinely consider just spilling the beans. He didn’t generally enjoy lying to people, but this was only to protect himself and Hinata. 

_The less he knows, the better it will be for both of us._

Luckily, his phone started buzzing right then, saving him from further interrogation. ”Oh, what a coincidence, Hinata-kun is calling me! Let me see what he wants,” he said, flashing his friend his purest angelic smile before exiting the room to answer the call in private.

”Hey, I was wondering…" Hinata’s unsure voice came from the speaker. "Can I stay at your place tonight?” He sounded like he didn’t want to be a nuisance, but that didn’t make any sense whatsoever! Komaeda always had time for him. Even if he didn’t, he would make _more_ time.

"Of course, Hinata-kun! But why? Did you receive my snap?” Komaeda inquired playfully.

”What ’snap’?” The line was silent for a few seconds. ”…Oh. You mean that one.”

It was evident from Hinata’s voice that he was flustered and maybe blushing adorably as he always did when Komaeda surprised him like that. He’d made sure to send Hinata lots of fun pictures of himself so that the other wouldn’t have to feel jealous anymore. And he always begged Hinata to send him one in return but hadn’t yet succeeded. One day, though, he would.

Hinata cleared his throat. ”How did you even manage to bend yourself into that angle to get a picture of…? Um, anyway, that’s not why I called, you see —”

”Awwh!”

”— my brother needs a place to stay for the night, but there isn't that much space in my apartment, so I figured it would be better if I spent the night with you.” 

”Okay,” Komaeda agreed immediately. Even though Hinata couldn’t see him grinning, he could probably hear it.

”Right…” Hinata said, clearly wanting to hang up already, but simultaneously not wanting to be _the one_ to hang up.

”Hmm-m,” Komaeda responded, and he could feel how his smile just kept growing.

”…See you then?”

”Yup.”

”Alright. I’m hanging up,” Hinata yielded, and with that, the phone call was finally over.

Komaeda smiled to himself, stifling the bubble of giddy laughter that tried to escape him. Hinata was so sweet, always letting him win like that. Even if Komaeda didn’t deserve him, he could at least try and enjoy the high as long as it lasted. 

”Hey, Chiaki,” he began as he returned to the room, ”Will you hate me if I leave a little early?”

Nanami gave him a warm smile. ”Not at all. Now shoo, go to your man already!”

With Nanami’s blessing in his pocket, Komaeda left her place and headed to his own. On his way there, the phone conversation he’d just shared with Hinata played over in his head. 

_"— my brother needs a place to stay —"_

Komaeda's feet stopped dead in their tracks, the smile that had threatened to split his face in half gone the moment he realized his time was already up.

* * *

For weeks, Hinata had been dreading to find out the reason why his older twin brother would suddenly contact him. They hadn't spoken in months, maybe years even — Hinata couldn't remember. Even before he had taken their mother’s maiden name, Kamukura, and moved to the States to obtain yet another university degree at the age of twenty-one, they had seldom interacted with one another. Neither of them attended family gatherings anymore, and honestly, he had almost forgotten the fact that he even had a brother.

And that had been more than fine with Hinata. That was just how it’d always been. He didn’t feel the need to see his brother, or rather be reminded of how much inferior he was to him. It infuriated Hinata to no end that Kamukura had always been better than him at _everything_ they did, be it excelling at school, hobbies, or hoarding their parents’ attention. He had even been born first. 

The expectations Kamukura had set for both of them had eventually alienated Hinata from his parents. Even if he grabbed a pair of stilts and stood on them, the bar would still be too high for him to reach. Compared to his brother, he was nothing, but being put next to him as his twin? Even less than that.

So, when Hinata finally found out why Kamukura had suddenly decided to return and contact _him_ , his incapable, failure of a brother, he burst out laughing. He laughed until genuine tears were rolling down his cheeks and his stomach ached.

It only made sense that Kamukura would come home solely for business purposes, and it was only natural that he’d merely wanted a place to stay overnight, rather than get a room in a hotel like a normal person. There was simply no other reason why a multi-talented individual such as Izuru Kamukura would spare a single thought for a total fuck-up like him. 

This time, at least, Kamukura had warned him of his arrival in advance. Hinata remembered he used to show up unannounced as though he couldn’t bother with the most basic level of manners. He could hardly bother with _anything_ ,except whatever happened to be the sole object of his interest at the moment until he absorbed every bit of knowledge there was to learn and walked away to the next.

 _It must hurt to have a brain that big,_ Hinata thought sarcastically. 

As Hinata made his way to the subway station near his home, he contemplated how things could have turned out if he’d been the one gifted with talent instead of his brother. But there was no use entertaining such silly fantasies; if he wanted to accomplish something, he’d have to actually work for it. Unlike _some people_ who thought they were above everyone else and had the nerve to kick their inferiors out of their own homes... Well, Hinata had kind of kicked himself out, but his point still stood. 

His solemn musings were interrupted by his phone alerting him of a new message. He already knew it was from Komaeda, not because of the chipper notification sound he’d chosen specifically for him, but because he barely got any messages from anyone else after getting rid of all the annoying group chats.

 **Komaeda:** I’m sorry Hinata-kun, but can you stop by the store on your way here? We’re out of miso.

” _We_ are,” Hinata repeated almost inaudibly and smiled at the screen. 

At least he had his almost-boyfriend who, despite often reminding him of his averageness, had technically called him _special_ not too long ago. He was pretty sure nobody had ever told his brother the same unless referring to his endless roster of talents. 

And how could anyone even get close enough to do that? Kamukura never showed emotion. Even years ago, when they had been wee children, Hinata couldn’t recall him ever smiling, laughing, or crying. Hinata was pretty sure his twin was a psychopath or something like that — he wasn’t a damn neuroscientist, but he wouldn’t be surprised if his brother had already acquired a certificate for that, too.

 _I’ll go get us some_ , Hinata typed and regrettably noted that his fingers itched to add ”babe” or heart emojis or some other mushy shit at the end. Before he could shame himself to an early grave, his phone dinged once more.

 **Komaeda:** Also there’s something I need to tell you.

Hinata frowned at his phone. Even with his substandard knowledge of probability, he understood there was a fifty-fifty chance it was either good news or bad news. Otherwise, Komaeda wouldn't have warned him with a text beforehand. 

He boarded the train, wishing Komaeda had said nothing instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than I intended it to be, sorry! I feel bad for leaving y’all hanging for such a long time, but I needed to split the original version into two parts because, well, reasons. The second part will come out fairly soon, I hope! (or as soon as I have the time to go through it and tweak some things) Until then, stay safe out there!


	9. (Don't) Fuck up his ex

”Hello, Hinata-kun, please come in,” Komaeda greeted him at the door. 

Hinata entered the apartment, immediately paying attention to the unusual stiffness in the way Komaeda held himself. The overly enthusiastic smile Hinata was used to being welcomed with was nowhere to be seen, and the playful attitude he’d had during the phone call didn’t match his current energy at all. Something must have happened while Hinata was at the grocery. 

Komaeda quickly fixed him with that practiced smile he always gave to their classmates at uni or the clerk behind the counter at that store down the street. Now that Hinata was the recipient of that smile, he noticed how unnatural it looked on his face.

He set the grocery bags down and tried to ignore the nervous sweat creeping down the back of his neck.

”Let me take your coat,” Komaeda said hurriedly and began helping him out of his outerwear.

He was being far too polite, as though Hinata hadn’t been spending most of his spare time with him in this very apartment over the last month or so. Just when it was starting to feel like a second home to him, Hinata was reminded that at the end of the day, he was just a guest here.

Overall, Hinata had a bad feeling about this, but he tried not to show that he’d noticed anything unusual, for he did not wish to upset the other.

”Hey… Did you already take your meds today?” he asked, casually pushing past Komaeda with the grocery bags. 

Komaeda replied with an indistinct noise that might have been a ”yes”, and Hinata could then hear his light footsteps following him into the kitchen. 

_Just act normal,_ he reminded himself while quietly loading the fridge with the food items he’d got from the store. Maybe Komaeda would get some healthy color on those cheeks if he stopped eating all that garbage he normally went for when Hinata wasn’t around, although, ready meals were currently the safest option since Hinata didn't necessarily trust him in the kitchen alone. Not yet, at least.

 _”You don't have to worry about me, Hinata-kun. Regardless of what I eat, the outcome will be the same,”_ Komaeda always said. Well, Hinata disagreed, and that was why he was now shoving potatoes and carrots in the crisper. 

All that shopping had made Hinata positively ravenous, so he grabbed a juicy-looking apple from the fruit bowl on the counter and bit into it without thinking. The taste was so plasticky that he was forced to spit it out. 

_…Huh, it’s…fake?_

When Komaeda didn’t immediately erupt into laughter at this particular display of clownery, he knew, at the latest, that something was very wrong. 

Hinata set the apple down on the counter and turned to face Komaeda, who was still standing in the dimness of the hallway, huddled in on himself and staring at the floor with a troubled expression. Whatever the other had wanted to tell him, it was one hundred percent going to be bad news. 

All of a sudden, the doorbell rang, which made Komaeda snap out of whatever worst-case scenario daydream he’d got himself wrapped up in this time.

”Could you get the door? I’ll be there in a minute,” he said and didn’t even wait for Hinata’s answer before scurrying off to the bedroom while muttering something about a dirty shirt.

Hinata, who was left with few other choices than to comply, made his way to the front door and looked through the peephole. A figure dressed in all black was standing there, a good distance away from the door.

The force with which Hinata opened the door nearly caused it to fall off its hinges. 

”How did you know where I was?” he demanded, horrified at the thought that his brother had some unknown way of tracking his movements. 

”Your Snapchat location is on,” Kamukura answered, stepping closer now that the danger of getting hit in the face with a door was no more.

”Fuck. Again?!” Hinata pinched the bridge of his nose. That godforsaken app would be the end of him someday, for sure. 

He did not question why his brother used that specific application. However, he did question the reason as to why he had added him there in the first place and somehow had no memory of it.

”Why are you here?” Hinata glared. _I just basically evicted myself so you could have yourself a nice bed and breakfast for free,_ he wanted to add but didn't. 

”Why am I here?” Kamukura repeated like the answer should be obvious. ”You ran off almost as soon as I arrived, but I still have matters left to discuss with you, so I came here. ”

Hinata’s mouth hung half-open. His brother had actually bothered to travel all the way to the other side of the city, just to talk to _him_? As absurd as it all sounded to him right now, that was not the thing he should be the most concerned about.

”But how did you even get inside?” he carried on with his questioning. ”The door downstairs is _locked_.”

Kamukura stared at him as if it physically pained him to explain himself. ”I’ve been here before.”

That didn't really answer his question. In fact, it spawned even more questions, including, but not limited to, "Here?", "But when?", and most importantly "Why?".

He couldn’t possibly be talking about what Hinata thought he was talking about.

”Hinata-kun, who is it at the door?” Komaeda’s voice asked from somewhere further inside the apartment. 

Hinata whipped around, ready to tell him not to come to the front door, but it was already too late.

Komaeda stood frozen in the middle of the hallway, staring at the pair with his eyes enlarged.

”I-Izuru-kun?” His words were quiet, merely a ghost of a whisper, even in the abrupt silence of the room. 

Cautiously, he stepped closer until he was standing half behind Hinata, his hand latching onto the back of Hinata’s shirt for support. 

”Nagito,” Kamukura greeted and lifted his chin a little, causing a long strand of his ebony hair to fall over his impassive face.

Hinata’s brow folded into deep wrinkles. How did Komaeda know his brother? Scratch that, how did _his brother_ know Komaeda? The last time he'd checked, he had no friends — apart from that one insane bitch from their high school perhaps — and now he got slapped in the face with the fact that these two were close enough to be on a first-name basis.

”I can see you've laid off the harsher substances,” Kamukura continued, and Hinata could feel Komaeda’s restlessness growing as the fist clenched around his shirt fumbled and then tightened yet again. ”Good. You look healthier than someone with your condition should look like." 

Hinata raised his eyebrows at that. Was he trying to compliment or insult Komaeda? Moreover, what ”condition”?

”You… I… Why did you come here? After all this time…” Komaeda spoke discreetly, but his voice was thick with emotion. Even though Hinata wasn’t able to pinpoint the exact emotion behind it, he could tell Komaeda had some unfinished business with the man.

”I am not here because of you,” Kamukura stated. ”You’ve finally moved on, and I respect that. I simply came here to discuss something with my brother. It’s urgent.”

Stepping from behind the shelter of Hinata's back, Komaeda came to stand next to him and laced their fingers together. 

”In fact, yes, I _have_ moved on,” he said much more confidently, although Hinata could feel how sweaty his palm was as it trembled slightly against his own. 

The corners of Kamukura’s lips twitched upwards for such a short sliver of time that Hinata would’ve missed it had he not been staring at the man so intently. Was he amused by this somehow?

”If this is your attempt to make me jealous, you’re wasting your time,” Kamukura said, unimpressed. The words seemed harsh and uncaring, but his face was the same mask of stone that betrayed no feelings. There was no way of telling what he was truly thinking about. 

The cogs inside Hinata’s head were turning, desperately trying to figure out what the _hell_ was going on. Jealous. _Jealous._ Why would Kamukura be jealous of…? 

”…” Hinata's lips parted, but his tongue lay heavy as lead in his mouth. 

There was only one person whose simple mention was capable of turning Komaeda into a nervous wreck, and Hinata could almost taste the bitterness of that realization.

There was no other possibility; it simply couldn’t be anyone else. 

Only that this person wasn’t lying in a hospital somewhere. He was right here, healthy and thriving. 

”You’re looking at me like I murdered someone,” Kamukura observed.

”You might as well have,” Hinata said through gritted teeth, suddenly finding his voice again. The initial wave of shock had dissipated and was replaced with anger. 

”Oh?” Kamukura quirked an eyebrow, which had to be the most expressive thing he’d done all day. ”What did Nagito tell you about me? Are you sure that's the truth?"

His referring to Komaeda by his given name made Hinata’s blood boil.

"I don't care if that's the truth or not,” Hinata seethed, lowering his voice to a growl, ”Clearly you weren't a model boyfriend if he behaves like this! There’s gotta be a reason for that.”

”Boyfriend?” Kamukura scoffed. "We were hardly even dating." 

”Oh yeah? Talk shit about him one more time, and I’ll show you who’s —” His threat died down when Komaeda squeezed his hand. When Hinata turned to look at him, the expression on Komaeda's face conveyed nothing but disapproval. 

It threw him off. 

”Komaeda, why —? Aren’t you shocked by this _at all_?” Hinata asked, then frowned, suddenly realizing something. ”You knew about this already, didn’t you?”

A minute, perhaps another, passed in silence. All eyes were on Komaeda now, and eventually, his shoulders sagged as he cracked under the pressure.

”I already figured it out a long time ago,” Komaeda admitted, his eyes downcast. ”Not at first, of course, or I wouldn’t have —” He paused to swallow, glancing around in a panicked manner. ”Ah, you see, you two aren't exactly identical, and you never told me you had a brother. However, he mentioned you…back then. A lot actually. And your names and birthdays… Not very difficult to piece together, even for someone like me.”

Right, his brother had still gone by Hinata back then, but it was a common name. There were probably dozens of students named Hinata at their campus alone. And Komaeda was definitely right about them not looking alike. Different hair, different eyes, a different way of dressing… Sure, there was a certain family resemblance if you looked hard enough, but people were always surprised to find out they were twins. 

One thing, however, Hinata couldn’t wrap his head around.

”So, you’re saying that you willingly jumped into a relationship with your abusive ex-boyfriend’s twin brother?” he said out loud, despite how unreasonable it may have sounded. 

Komaeda visibly flinched. ”It’s not like that, Hinata-kun," he objected, and Hinata noticed he'd been chewing at his lower lip to the point of drawing blood. ”He’s not the person you think he is.”

”But you said it yourself!” Hinata cried in exasperation, tightening his grip on the hand he found himself still holding and trying to shake some sense into the man. ”Why are you defending him? He hurt you!” 

Komaeda’s lips formed a thin line as he avoided looking at Hinata. 

Why was acting like this all of a sudden? It made no sense! There could be no other explanation than—

His chest tightened when it finally dawned on him. He let go of Komaeda’s hand.

”…Are you still in love with him?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. 

Komaeda continued dodging his gaze as though his life depended on it.

_Oh god, he really is, isn’t he? Fuck…!_

Trying his best to ignore the pain eating away at his heart, Hinata sucked up his pride. ”You don’t have to recite your entire history with him, but _please_ ,” his voice was close to desperate, ”just help me understand. Is it really true that he used to beat you?”

After too many seconds had passed and Komaeda still hadn’t opened his mouth, Kamukura reminded the pair of his presence by answering in Komaeda’s stead: ”I never laid a hand on him…unless prompted.”

_Unless prompted?_

That was all it took for Hinata to snap. With two long strides, he crossed the space between him and his brother, grabbing him by the collar of his suit jacket. "You fucking piece of shit!" he snarled, baring his teeth at the man as a threat, "I'm going to make you regret coming back here. How even dare you!"

”I would say 'I’d like to see you try' but…” Kamukura said, looking anything but threatened as he measured Hinata with his eyes, ”I can see you’ve barely managed to improve yourself over the years we haven’t seen each other. A physical fight would be pointless, as we both already know the outcome.”

Hinata refused to believe that. He raised his fist, ready to punch him—

”Stop it!” Komaeda interrupted them with a shout loud enough to echo off the walls for what at that moment seemed like forever. 

Hinata’s fist stilled in the air, barely an inch away from Kamukura’s face while Kamukura himself hadn’t even bothered to blink at the incoming assault. They both stood still for a few long seconds, staring each other down before turning to look in Komaeda’s direction almost simultaneously. 

”Hinata-kun, please— just let him go. This is between him and me,” Komaeda said calmly, raising his hands as a sign of peace as he took a step closer.

Kamukura tilted his head, his hair shifting along with the movement like a black veil. ”Are you angry at me? Does lying to him make you feel better about yourself?”

Komaeda let out an eerie laugh, gripping his hair with one hand and holding his waist with the other as he paced back and forth along the hallway. ”You left me. With a blackmail letter, no less. You _abandoned_ me in that hospital when I needed you the most, and you think I’m just a little bit ’angry’ at you?” 

"You know fairly well I had nothing to do with that letter,” Kamukura sighed. ”It was all Enoshima’s doing. I told her to leave you alone but she didn’t —”

”What the hell are you talking about?” Hinata cut him off. His patience had already been abysmal to begin with, but now it was wearing even thinner. He didn’t understand shit, and Kamukura still had the nerve to keep running his mouth. Hinata yearned to bash his teeth in.

”Hinata-kun, please!” Komaeda cried out, coming to a halt at the opposite end of the hallway and turning to face them again. ”I don’t want to call the police but I will if you start fighting here right now!”

With one last murderous glare, Hinata let go of his grip on Kamukura. They were in Komaeda’s home, after all, and he should respect his wishes. He didn’t want to cause any trouble for Komaeda, even if Kamukura was practically begging to get his bone structure rearranged. 

”Thank you,” Komaeda sighed in relief, sounding as exhausted as he looked, ”This conversation is going nowhere. You can’t both be here at the same time, so I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

As soon as Hinata stepped away from Kamukura, the man in question fixed his jacket and walked out of the apartment without a word. Hinata wanted to follow him outside, but staying with Komaeda was more important right now. He had so many questions he didn’t even know where to begin. 

While Hinata had been busy trying _not_ to kill his brother, Komaeda had slumped against the nearest wall and curled himself into a fetal position. He had his head buried in his knees, and as Hinata walked closer he could see that his entire body was trembling. This whole experience must have been more traumatizing for Komaeda than he had let on. Hinata now felt guilty about losing his temper like that.

He kept approaching the other calmly, each step carefully calculated as though one wrong move would trigger a fatal explosion.

”You too, Hinata-kun. Just…leave me alone,” Komaeda said without raising his head. His voice came muffled and teary, and it sounded like he wasn't that far from a complete mental breakdown. ”I need…to be…alone.”

”You’re still in shock, Komaeda. You need someone to look after you or— I don’t know, something bad will happen… Probably. Most likely.” Hinata winced at his own words. ”My point being, you shouldn’t be alone right now.”

Komaeda’s trembling had toned down considerably after Hinata's attempt to comfort him with his soft-spoken words. His hand was hovering in the air above Komaeda’s head, but he didn’t dare to touch him yet. First, he needed to make sure the other was mentally stable enough to not lash out at him. 

For several minutes, there was nothing but the deafening silence that had enveloped the room ever since Kamukura had left. It made Hinata extremely anxious, not knowing how to proceed from here. Should he call someone? Should he go and get help? Where would he even go? Who would he even call? Komaeda had no family. Should he call that one friend of his? What if she didn’t know what to do either?

”Hey…” he decided to say instead and crouched down in front of Komaeda, laying a tentative hand on his shoulder.

Suddenly, Komaeda lifted his head and fixed him with a cold stare. His eyes were brimming with unshed tears, but other than that he didn’t look particularly unstable.

”Hinata-kun, I am very disappointed in you,” he said abruptly. Somehow, his voice was icier than the look in his eyes as he kept glaring at Hinata. ”I didn’t think you'd be such a violent person. To think you would attack someone like that — your own flesh and blood, no less — it makes me sick.” 

Whatever reaction Hinata had expected, it certainly wasn’t the one he’d just got.

When he didn’t answer, Komaeda kept speaking, ”From the beginning, you told me how ’worthy’ I was, even when I treated you unfairly. But I see now your forgiveness isn't reserved for those you're not trying to stick your dick in." 

”Wha—?" Hinata gaped, trying to process the bomb of words Komaeda had just dropped on him.

Despite the crude wording, Komaeda kind of had a point — ultimately, Hinata was operating on rather selfish motives and not the kindness of his heart alone — but how could he still think that Hinata was the bad guy here? 

”What does _that_ have to do with anything?” Hinata raised his voice again, ”And why do you sound like you’re about to dump me?”

"That's right, I am ’dumping’ you,” Komaeda said harshly. ”I only used you for sex. You told me I was allowed to do that, so I did. There was never anything else to it." 

”But after everything we…we…” Hinata lost his voice for a moment, but soon after he started to realize how ridiculous Komaeda's claim sounded. He had already got a taste of how good the other was at making people react exactly the way he wanted them to, but now Hinata had caught him red-handed in the act. 

Hinata narrowed his eyes. "You're lying again, I just know it. And you’ve been lying to me this entire time, isn’t that right, Komaeda? About the car accident, your ex…and now this.” 

He knew he had hit the nail on the head when Komaeda’s face fell at his words. 

”Now I know why you made that offer to me in the first place.”

”Hinata-kun, I didn’t —”

”You wanted to replace _him_ with me, a mere budget version of the real deal. Should’ve known that from the start.”

”But Hinata—”

”'One of a kind'? Me?” Hinata laughed a joyless laugh, finding some sort of twisted humor in that phrase. ”I can’t believe I actually bought that bullshit!”

Komaeda looked at him with pleading eyes, no doubt trying to manipulate him into listening to more of his lies and half-truths. Hinata wouldn’t give him that opportunity — not this time. 

”Why would you say something like that? Using my feelings for you against me, and for what? Just to toy with me, I take it. I can now see you for what you truly are —”

He wanted to hurt him back.

”— you really are _despicable_ as you claim. And you know what: I'm done with this 'thing' we have — whatever it is — but even more than that I'm done with trying to understand you. I don’t know why I even bothered in the first place!”

He was panting, finding himself out of breath from the sudden outburst. He didn’t want to look at Komaeda’s face, otherwise he might just change his mind and take everything back. Komaeda tended to have that effect on him. 

This man in front of him— this man, so beautifully deceptive, had him wrapped snugly around his finger, and now it was time for him to break free.

"…You’re right," Komaeda said after a long moment. His voice cracked pathetically at the end of his sentence, but Hinata had already convinced himself that was all an act, too. ”I know I’m shameless, useless, and ultimately, just plain worthless. You have every reason to hate me. You can punch me if it makes you feel better.” 

”I’m not going to fall for your tricks again,” Hinata said sternly. He got off the floor to leave, dusting his clothes off aggressively as he made his way to the front door. Even his understanding had limits, and Komaeda had just crossed all of them. There was no sympathy left for him — nothing but an empty void in his chest.

”…”

His hand hesitated on the handle, but only for a fragment of a second. 

”Goodbye, Komaeda.”

With both his head and heart in disarray, he closed the door behind him and didn’t look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe the real villain was the decisions we made along the way.
> 
> \---
> 
> Edit: This chapter has blown up beyond my expectations, so the replies will be a little bit on the slower side, but I'll try to get to them as soon as I can. Luv ya!


	10. Wallow in despair (optional but not recommended)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the longest yet and a bit of a mess tbh, but I hope it's not entirely unreadable???
> 
> Also, if you thought the boys had already reached their peak dumbass, you've been sadly mistaken...
> 
> \---
> 
> CW: heavy drinking – and when I say “heavy” I really mean it

Even before the first note of the alarm sounded, Hinata had already smacked the snooze button.

Another night without a wink of sleep.

He rolled over, facing the curtains that nearly blocked all light from entering the gloom of his apartment. A narrow gap between them let a single ray of sunlight in, forcing him to try and shield his eyes from the blinding brightness. He groaned against the pillow and burrowed himself further under the covers.

His nightly contemplations had already brought him to the verge of passing out from exhaustion in class more than once, yet when the night rolled around, he could not fall asleep no matter how hard he tried. He wanted to sleep, but the endless questions kept plaguing him, preventing him from relaxing enough to do so. The questions he strictly avoided thinking about during the daytime. The questions he buried inside himself in favor of smiling at his classmates like nothing was out of the ordinary.

But the truth was, all he wanted to do was to pour his heart out.

.

.

.

Once the initial state of anger and shock had worn off, the hurt in his chest made itself known. The pain was liquid, ceaselessly oozing out of him, reluctant to heal like a festering wound. His flesh had been cut open, and the fragile, beating organ inside had been ripped apart. Just like that.

And it hurt like that. For a week. Now it was just a dull ache he endured, the erratic beating of his sickly lovesick heart dying down into a near flatline.

The worst of it wasn’t even the betrayal itself.

The worst part was that somewhere in his bones, Hinata had known it all along. He had seen the signs, all of them, and he had even acknowledged the simple fact that Komaeda’s story seemed ridiculously convenient at best and implausible at worst. In the face of all that, he’d handed his heart out to Komaeda, hoping it would make the other trust him and open up to him in return. But all he’d got was Komaeda casting it aside and stepping on it cruelly, without any regard to his feelings.

Before all this, Hinata had already despised his brother. Blaming him for everything had come so naturally to him that he hadn’t even considered Komaeda could be the one in the wrong. He'd been so completely blinded by his infatuation with the man that he just ignored all the warning signs. Had he really been that desperate for some love and affection?

He'd wanted to trust Komaeda. He really had. Did that make him foolish? Naive? How could he ever trust anyone after this?

Perhaps he should just block his stupid heart off so that nobody could ever hurt him again.

.

.

.

He refused to cry over Komaeda. That devious snake wasn’t worthy of his tears. But if he were to cry, he would do it in the shower. That way he could barely tell the difference between the hot tears and the steamy shower water streaming down his face.

This was his third shower today.

.

.

.

Since that day, Komaeda had tried to call him several times, and when Hinata let them all go to voicemail, he began flooding his phone with messages to the point where Hinata had to block his number. That meant Komaeda still cared about him to some degree, right?

.

.

.

He had told Souda about the breakup, if he could call it that, as they had never been officially together. ~~It felt like they'd been, though.~~ Hinata had also made him promise not to tell anyone else, although all their mutual friends already had their suspicions about him and his “secret girlfriend”.

Reputedly, their best guess was that “she” was an idol or a model, and if that wasn’t already bad enough, there was now a rumor going around the entire campus that Hinata had been forced to sign some kind of confidentiality agreement. He didn’t understand why his fellow students cared so much about something so trivial. Each and every one of them – excluding his friends – had been pretty much content with ignoring his existence until his private matters ended up making the rounds in the campus gossip mill.

“How about we have a night out with the boys on Friday?” Souda suggested over the phone, forcing him out of his own head. “Or maybe just the two of us – plus Kuzuryuu if he can make it – and enough booze to make us hungover for the rest of the weekend. No girls allowed."

Funnily enough, no girls would be joining them even if they were allowed. Souda was as single as ever, Peko didn't count, and Hinata… He didn't feel like revealing Komaeda's gender just yet. It wasn’t his fault his friends were eager to assume things.

Yes, he considered Souda his best friend, and while he was aware that Hinata swung both ways and was fine with it in theory, he was yet to see Hinata openly crushing on a man, much less dating one. Frankly, Hinata was afraid of Souda’s reaction, but how could he not be when he’d only come to terms with his own sexuality less than a year ago.

“Uh. I don’t know about that,” he sighed, exhausted by this conversation already. “I don’t feel like going out right now.”

He gazed upon the street from where he was standing by the window, watching people trickle in and out of the opposite building. Souda had already changed subjects, the sound of his voice fading to the background as Hinata’s intrusive thoughts took over once again.

It'd never really occurred to him how attached to another person it was possible to grow in such a short time.

He knew Komaeda had never been his to lose, yet losing him hurt like a bitch.

.

.

.

Hinata kept rewinding the encounter in his head, over and over again, like a broken record he couldn't turn off.

He just didn't understand why Komaeda had suddenly flipped his act like that. He wondered if it was because Kamukura's surprise visit had finally forced the truth out in the open, and Komaeda simply couldn’t handle all those piled-up lies anymore. Or maybe that had been his attempt at some sort of a power play. Either way, he should probably thank his brother for sparing him from a lot more chest pain. If he hadn’t made Komaeda snap, Hinata would have eaten up whatever bullshit excuse he would’ve come up with for lying to him for months.

That reminded him that his brother, who still had the spare key to his apartment, had fucked off to another prefecture already. He should've never given him that key in the first place.

Fuck this. He should just skip class today. It was the only one he shared with Komaeda, and he didn’t want to run a risk of running into him there. He couldn’t face him, let alone talk to him. It wasn’t like he had nothing to say to him – Hinata had been thinking of giving him a piece of his mind lately – he'd just rather postpone the inevitable a little while longer.

He stayed in bed for another hour maybe, and he would’ve stayed for many more hours, but the rumbling of his stomach had gotten so unbearable that he had to get up to eat something. As meaningless as everything in his life felt right now, he wasn’t planning on starving himself to death. If he really wanted to off himself, there were plenty of more effective ways to do that.

So he ate, showered, got dressed, all on autopilot like every morning before that. At eleven o’clock sharp, he sat down at his desk with a cup of coffee and opened his laptop. A stack of newly-acquired books stood next to the computer, waiting for their turn to be referenced in his overly ambitious research paper.

He’d decided the best way to get over heartbreak was to bury himself in projects until he eventually forgot all about it, but that obviously hadn’t worked out, and now he was heartbroken _and_ overworked. He kept hoping that maybe, if he completely exhausted himself today, he would go out like a light once his head hit the pillow.

A sigh slipped past his lips as he squinted at the laptop screen, trying to coerce his sleep-deprived brain to focus on the jumble of words he’d previously written. As the caffeine kicked in, some of it started to make sense.

He delved into work.

Hours later, he rubbed his tired eyes, deciding to call it a day. He should go fix himself something to eat, maybe watch some TV while he was at it, and then go to bed. That sounded like a good plan. He had no energy to engage in anything more complicated.

_Ding._

Hinata lifted his head, eyes zeroing in on the screen again. _Oh god_ , why was he still getting emails from _that_ site? He thought he’d turned them off ages ago. Grumbling under his breath, he opened the email with plans to locate that "unsubscribe" link on the bottom. He definitely did not plan to read what was written in that email, the contents of it not interesting him in the slightest. But here he was, skimming through the entire thing regardless.

_You have 1 unread notification(s)_

_[8:07 p.m.] Lucky Lewd is LIVE: “Stream starting at 10:00 PM”_

Hinata blinked at the screen in confusion. He checked the date. Yup, still Friday. Lucky streamed exclusively on Wednesdays. Why would he change up his schedule all of a sudden?

Shaking his head to banish the unwanted thoughts, he clicked on the trash icon. He didn’t need to know what Lucky– what _Komaeda_ was up to now. Besides, Hinata had sworn he would never visit that website again. At first, he’d thought he could just find another creator to replace him, but the temptation to turn to old habits would still exist if he kept using the site. If he wanted to move on, he couldn’t take that risk.

But the question was...did he really want to?

Before Hinata knew it, it was already ten in the evening, and before his brain could register what he was doing, he was back on his computer like clockwork, opening the bookmark that was still hidden in the recipes folder, seemingly forgotten. When his brain finally caught up, he found himself staring at the half-naked body of the person he least wanted to see right now.

“What the fuck am I doing?” he asked himself, but made no move to hit the back button.

Hinata would’ve been a complete liar if he claimed he wasn’t curious as to how Komaeda was doing. He might have lied about a lot of things, but he couldn’t have faked the nervous breakdown he’d gone through that night. As much as Hinata hated himself for it, he still worried about him.

“You guys are probably wondering why I’m streaming tonight. What a lucky turn of events, two streams in a week!” Komaeda said way too chipperly. He didn’t sound like anything was weighing on him at the moment. Maybe Hinata had been wrong in his assumption that Komaeda was affected by their breakup in any way.

“The truth is, I’m trying to reach out to this one viewer of mine. I want to apologize to them, but they keep ignoring me, so I figured, maybe they would come here if I did something unexpected.“

...Or not.

When Hinata finally paid attention to Komaeda’s outfit choice of the night, he knew exactly what was about to come. This was all part of his “I’ve been a bad boy” act he used to do often before Hinata had started following his show.

“So, this person I’m talking about – you know who you are – if you’re watching this, please forgive me.”

Komaeda spoke with such a sincere voice that it made Hinata’s head spin – although, the cause of his sudden dizziness might as well have been the full-body harness that had been wrapped around the camboy’s slender body oh-so- _sinfully_ tightly, accentuating the most desirable parts of his body.

“This is for you,” he continued, lower, sultrier, as he tugged at the leash attached to the collar on his neck. For a moment it almost looked like he was trying to choke himself, the chain jingling with each flick of his wrist.

Hinata’s mouth went dry as he stared.

Then, the camboy moved to grab something off-screen and brought it in front of the camera. The nipple clamps, Hinata remembered. The very ones he had shown blatant interest in.

“You asked about these, and I thought I could show you how I use them – that is, if you still want to see?”

There was no doubt in his mind that Komaeda was doing this for him and nobody else.

But...why...?

Hinata forgot how to breathe for a moment, and when he finally did remember he needed oxygen to live, he moved to close the laptop in panic, accidentally knocking over the tower of books.

 _Shit._ He swept the books aside haphazardly, not caring if they got a little damaged in the process, and soon he had a full view of the screen again.

 **Hajime98:** hjkghffffffffffffffffffffffffff-

Oh fuck. What had he done?

“Ah, you really came!” Komaeda beamed and let go of the clamps in favor of positioning himself closer to the camera, leaving the entire thing hanging off of one nipple. He sounded so genuinely happy it made Hinata’s stomach flip. “I’ve been so lonely without you!”

Hinata had no idea how to answer that. Nothing had gone according to plan tonight. Not a single thing.

“If I remember correctly, you always wanted to see this live, right?” Komaeda then proceeded to spin around in front of the camera, showing off the backside of his harness. Hinata couldn’t help but stare at the twin leather straps encircling his upper thighs, creating the tiniest bit of squish between them. “I wish you were with me here right now, but I presume you don’t want to speak with me yet. That’s okay, I understand... You can just watch me when I'm like this instead – you can even turn off the volume, pretend I’m someone else entirely. Or an object, if you'd prefer. In the end, this is the only thing I’m good for, right?”

Hinata swallowed thickly, unable to take his eyes off the screen. The chat was turning into an even mix of anger, shock, and confusion. It was a complete shitshow.

 **cumpster:** yo wtf is this?

 **Lucky_fan:** Who’s this guy Lucky’s talking about? One of us???

 **User6669:** what the fuck!!!!

 **happygosucky:** you’re giving them special treatment! I’m unsubbing

“Right, Hajime?” Komaeda urged wildly, ignoring everyone else but him. “What would you like me to do? It’s your choice – if you want, I can prevent myself from enjoying any of it. This will be my punishment. I’ll do anything you say. Anything at all, _Ha-ji-me_.”

Hinata couldn’t watch this anymore. This had to be the most outrageous stunt Komaeda had ever pulled, and that was saying a lot. The anger he’d once felt was coming back now, he could feel it. Komaeda truly was an unabashed, shameless opportunist, thinking he could just buy Hinata’s forgiveness like that.

Hastily, Hinata picked up his phone and unblocked Komaeda’s number.

He was practically fuming as he typed, _Is this your idea of an apology? Go fuck yourself_ , and sent the message before he even noticed how badly he’d worded it.

He slammed the laptop lid shut and dialed a different number.

“Souda? ...Yeah, hi. You know what, I changed my mind. Let’s get hammered tonight.”

* * *

Hinata really needed this: a night out with a good friend, get blackout drunk, forget about everything for the next few hours. What he craved was that blissful oblivion, and the last thing he needed right now was anyone pitying him. Unfortunately for him, his friend thought the exact opposite.

After they'd arrived at the pub they often frequented, Souda had started giving him all kinds of advice, none of which Hinata knew was coming from experience. Souda probably thought that he had the responsibility to comfort his precious soul friend, but man, was he bad at it.

“Have you tried one of those – whaddyacallit – hook-up apps?” Souda asked after Hinata had shot down his previous suggestion. “I bet there’s, like, plenty of hot chicks looking for a rebound dick to jump on.”

“Thanks, Kaz, but I don’t want to be anyone’s ‘rebound dick’...” He hadn’t told Souda about the fact that he had, for all intents and purposes, recently been used as one. “And stop browsing r/RelationshipAdvice, I can see your phone screen’s reflection on that window.”

Souda made a defeated, whine-like noise and put his phone down. Finally. Hinata noticed he was bouncing his leg impatiently, glancing around as though he was waiting for something to happen.

“Okay, enough with the secrecy,” Souda suddenly slammed his palms on the table, pinning Hinata down with a pointed stare, “Who’s this Komaeda gal who dared to break my soul friend’s heart?”

"Komaeda’s a man.” There. He'd said it.

“What–?” Souda gaped, cutting himself off with a confused gargle from somewhere deep in his throat.

So, it was that bad of a shock.

“I said, the person I’m– _was_ seeing… he’s a man.”

Souda stared at him for such a long moment that Hinata started to fear that his brain had malfunctioned.

“For all this time,” Souda lowered his voice to a shout-whisper, visibly distraught, “I’ve been picturing you with some hot model chick, and now you’re saying that I got jealous for no reason at all?”

“Well, excuse you, but he happens to be hot and a model...”

 _...Of sorts_ .

Hinata cringed at the way he automatically jumped to defend his ex-whatever, but he brushed it off as being annoyed at Souda’s borderline homophobic comment. “And it’s not my fault you guys keep assuming things.”

“Ahahah– whatever you say, bro,” Souda forced a laugh and ran a hand through his wild pink hair, surprisingly free from his trademark beanie. “I’m not judging.”

Hinata lifted the beer to his lips, glaring at his friend over the rim of the glass. _He better not._

And it wasn’t like Souda had any right to, being the virgin loser he was. Not that being a virgin was anything to be ashamed of, but considering Souda’s inability to get anywhere near a living, breathing woman despite the numerous efforts, it was, admittedly, more than a little bit pathetic. After the whole Sonia catastrophe, which had thoroughly embarrassed all parties involved, he was allowed to mock him all he wanted.

Souda quickly collected himself, leaning over the table, “So, you were what, fuckbuddies?" Hinata shook his head. "Friends with benefits?”

“Yeah, something like that– I mean, kinda but not really.” Hinata took a long sip of his beer. For courage. “I wanted...more…with him. And I thought he did too, but then...” Another sip. “Turns out, he just wanted to replace his ex with me.”

“What an asswipe,” Souda said with a grimace and took a swig of his Heart Attack. Then, he leaned back in his chair and offered him a sympathetic smile. “You can talk about it more, if you want.”

“You sure?” Hinata asked. He didn’t want to make Souda uncomfortable, whining about some guy in front of his straight friend. ("Straight" as in, still deep in the closet, but Hinata didn’t want to force the poor guy out before he was ready to accept himself.)

“You’ve supported me through tough times since high school, I think I can listen to your 'guy problems' for once. What kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t?” Souda glanced around and added, “Feel free to leave out the details, though, like, I don’t need to know if you’re doing the pitching or the catch–”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up already,” Hinata interrupted him. He massaged the bridge of his nose, trying to smooth out the wrinkling of his brow. One beer was not enough for him to have this conversation. “I wasn’t going to tell you about the details of my sex life anyway, thank you very much.”

“Whatever, man.” Souda chucked down the rest of his (appalling) drink, letting out a satisfied “ahh” and wiping his mouth on his sleeve. “Round two?”

“...Say no more,” Hinata grinned and downed his own drink in one go before heading to the counter for a refill. He could barely afford to drink outside, but thankfully Souda had decided to prove exactly how great of a friend he was by treating him for once. He was the one with a high-paying part-time job, after all.

When they returned to their seats with the drinks, Hinata began explaining the chain of events from the very beginning: how he’d met Komaeda, what they had agreed on, and so on, so forth. Many of the details were excluded for obvious reasons, but Hinata paid extra care to mention all the issues Komaeda either had or Hinata speculated he had.

"Dude, you sure you're not acting on some kind of savior complex here?” Souda piped up after Hinata had finished his monologue. “You know you can't just fix broken people like they're machines! That Komaeda guy clearly has some serious skeletons in his closet, you should’ve just run the other way screaming."

One of his past dates had probably told him that “wonderful” piece of advice.

Hinata tried to conceal his snicker. "Hmm, who was it again who told me to 'treat a woman just like I treat my car'?"

"Awh man, that was, like, our freshman year! I've matured since," Souda pouted.

“Have you?" Hinata quirked an eyebrow.

“Hey! I’m just looking out for you, s'all.”

Hinata shrugged, lifting his second beer to his lips and finding himself staring at the bottom of the glass. “I need another one. And maybe something a bit stronger to go with it.”

“Sake bombs?” Souda asked, already half-up from his seat.

“Sake bombs,” Hinata nodded in approval. “Wait! Make it two. For each. So we don’t have to run back and forth constantly.”

In retrospect, not one of his brightest ideas.

.

.

.

"– and then he said that he doesn't even fucking like me because he's in love with my fucking brother," Hinata complained, pushing aside another empty glass.

“Alright, that's your last drink, Hajime,” Souda announced and offered Hinata a bottle of sparkling water. He'd ended up drinking way less than anticipated, and honestly, Hinata was disappointed at the lack of party spirit from his friend’s end.

Hinata scowled at him. “I’m not even drunk yet! You should drink more, too.”

_Hic._

“Yeah you are,” Souda rolled his eyes and placed the bottle in front of him on the table. “Man's gotta take care of his soul friend."

Hinata decided to ignore him and his pathetic offering.

“I’ve got an idea!” he exclaimed abruptly, forgetting about his tirade for a moment. “I’m gonna burn his hoodie. I still have it in my closet.”

Souda looked at him like he’d just grown an extra head. “Why?”

“Whaddya mean ‘why’?” Hinata huffed, a bit annoyed, “That’s what they do in movies and shit. When someone cheats on you, you gotta burn their stuff. Or throw it out the window, but there’s no point in doing that with a piece of clothing.”

“Okay, I get that, but he didn’t exactly _cheat_ on you…”

“Yeah, but lusting after my shitty brother is even worse!” _Wait... If Izuru had banged Komaeda, and then Komaeda banged him..._ “Oh _motherfu_ – isn’t that technically incest?”

“Man, I’ve got no idea what you’re saying anymore.”

“Me neither, Kaz, me neither…” Hinata belched, then guffawed like it was the funniest thing ever. “Hey, let’s go clubbing!”

Souda looked at his friend worryingly.

Hinata hated clubbing.

* * *

Nanami was nodding off in her seat at the far corner of the bar. She’d long since given up trying to keep up with her teammates' fast-paced debate on different flanking tactics in a certain FPS game she didn’t even find that interesting. Jerking awake, she could hear karaoke sounds emanating from the room next to their table. It was off-tune and loud, ear-drum shatteringly so.

She rubbed the sleep off her eyes, yawning loudly. "I think I'm too tired to keep drinking. You guys have fun!" She got off her seat, pausing to wave goodbye to her group. "Oh, and remember to keep yourselves hydrated throughout the night.”

“Yes, ma’am!” came the chorus of responses along with mock salutes, which never failed to bring a smile on her lips.

With one last wave, she began her journey towards the cloakroom. The venue was packed with people, but that was no surprise since it’d been Friday night when her team decided to go out to celebrate their victory in a local tournament. A quick glance at her phone confirmed it was now closer to Saturday morning – no wonder she felt this sleepy.

A flock of barely-of-age girls was gathered around the bar counter Nanami was trying to pass by, blocking the way to the cloakroom. She sighed wearily, not in a mood to deal with giggly teenagers, and opted for a detour through the karaoke room.

As she moved closer to her destination, the singing got louder, the sheer volume of it enough to raise goosebumps. Then, another shudder ran through her body; Nanami could recognize that voice anywhere.

"Hajime...?" she uttered, holding her ears as she followed the sound of her friend’s atrocious singing voice.

"All my life I've been good, but now – _ooooohhhh –_ I'm thinking ‘what the hell’!"

Hinata was swaying on top of the round stage at the center of the room, looking like he'd walked straight out of some underground rave party. He clutched the microphone in his hands as he sang, no, _screamed_ along with the song Nanami was surprised to learn he even knew the lyrics to.

Bright neon necklaces and bracelets glowed under the black light of the bar. His face was flushed from alcohol, visible even from her distance, and his eyes were hazy and unfocused as they skimmed over the crowd of fellow tone-deaf people who'd gathered around the small stage to hype him up.

"Hinata, come on! You promised that'd be the last one," another familiar voice whined from the audience.

That was Kazuichi Souda. She immediately knew this couldn’t be anything good.

Hushed apologies tumbled from her lips as she pushed past the swaying bodies and dodged the spillage of their drinks, keeping her eyes glued to her target the entire time. Souda had already got as far as helping Hinata off the stage with one hand on his waist and the other supporting the arm Hinata had thrown over his shoulder.

"— I don’t really care 'bout...love me, hate me..." Hinata slurred, stubbornly continuing his "singing" even while getting dragged off the stage.

"Souda-kun, what's going on?" Nanami asked, furrowing her brow in concern.

Souda flinched and then broke into an overwrought babble, "I was trying to look after him, I swear, I only went to the bathroom for like five minutes, and in that time he managed to down an entire tray of Jäger shots all by himself– _gahh_ , I didn't know what to do and then we came here and he started singing and —"

"Calm down, Souda-kun,” she interrupted him gently. “Sit him down while I go get something to help him sober up. Let's figure out what to do with him then."

Before either of them could move, Hinata started to cry abruptly.

“I fucking hate him! It hurts...so much. Why? I gave him everything…I had. And he… he left me with...n-nothing!” he sobbed, clutching his chest through his button-up shirt, “Nothing but this broken, wretched thing...!”

“Damn, buddy!” Souda laughed, but it came out awkward rather than humorous. “You should try writing a song about that. I bet Mioda could help.”

“Souda-kun,” Nanami scolded. She knew he was just trying to lighten the mood, but the timing was extremely poor.

Her friend – who was no crybaby, not by a long shot – was standing there bawling his eyes out like a man who’d just found out his entire family, including the family pet, had been killed. Nanami was so used to Hinata’s habit of repressing emotions that seeing him like this made her unsure of how to react.

When they finally got Hinata to calm down, she offered to put him up for the night since her place was closest to the bar. Souda agreed without any complaints, undoubtedly relieved at this turn of events, and ran off to catch the next train.

Nanami glanced at Hinata, who was now quietly leaning on her as they walked out of the bar, towards her home.

Worry stirred in her gut; she already had a hunch of what this was all about.

* * *

Hinata woke up with the Worst Hangover Ever. The last thing his brain had registered was puking on the sidewalk before blacking out. It was a miracle how he’d ended up in Nanami’s apartment without anything more severe than a few scrapes and bruises. Even though all his memories were more or less hazy from the copious amount of alcoholic beverages he’d consumed the night before, his brain still had the audacity to remind him of how he had completely embarrassed himself in front of the two of his closest friends. And an entire bar full of random people.

As soon as he moved to sit up on the sofa, a wave of nausea swept over him, causing him to hunch over with his palm over his mouth.

“Good morning, Hajime. Don’t puke on my carpet,” Nanami greeted from the doorway she was leaning on. With a small smile, she walked over and offered him a cup of something clear and sparkly. “This will help you feel better.”

Hinata wordlessly accepted the cup and swallowed its contents with one big gulp, finding himself thirstier than he’d expected. It tasted like lemon soda, but he couldn’t be sure; his taste buds were still numbed by the alcohol, and his throat felt a bit sore.

“There's frozen pizza in the freezer, but we could also order in once you feel like eating,” Nanami said as she took the empty cup from him and placed it down on the coffee table.

Hinata merely nodded. His head was pounding and he wanted to pee so badly, but he didn’t know whether his feet would carry him if he decided to stand up right now.

Leather creaked as Nanami sat down on the armchair beside him and folded her legs under herself. She leaned on the arm of the chair with both elbows, facing him.

“Tell me, did something happen between you and Komaeda-kun?” she asked. It seemed a bit sudden, though her expression told him she’d been pondering over the question for a while now.

"He's a fucking dick. That's what happened,” Hinata spat out, but the sourness of his own words left a bad taste in his mouth. “Komaeda and I… We’re over." Ugh, now that came out _pathetic_ . "And I just realized I still have to co-operate with him on that project, so basically, I'm screwed.“

“I do wonder, Hajime,” Nanami began – she was using _that_ tone of voice now, “why have you already decided that it’s over? Nagito has tried to contact you multiple times, hasn’t he? He probably wants to apologize and explain himself, I think.”

Hinata knew that. He knew that all too well. What he feared was Komaeda’s motive behind it. And then there were other concerns. He questioned his ability to remain logical around Komaeda, and he doubted his willpower to reject him a second time, provided that Komaeda turned out to be as irredeemable as Hinata told himself he was.

He decided to dodge the question with a question of his own: “Wait a second. How do you even know all that? And why does it sound like you know him personally?”

“Well... That's because he's my friend, too,” Nanami revealed while fiddling and pulling up her baggy pyjama sleeves. Hinata didn’t know how to feel about that; he'd had no idea. “Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I honestly thought you were aware of that already, but I guess it makes sense now since you always seemed so secretive about the whole dating thing.”

Uh, great. The entire reason for that was because he’d been too concerned about the possibility of crossing Komaeda’s boundaries with _everything_ he did, constantly dancing on eggshells around him like a complete fool.

“Wait –” Hinata massaged his temples, trying to catch the fleeting thought. “You’re, uh, Komaeda’s tech support?”

Nanami pouted a little at that. “I wouldn’t call myself that. It might have started off like that, but we’re good friends now.”

If possible, her answer made Hinata's headache worse. Everything about this just felt so bizarre to him. It was like Komaeda secretly knew every person in Hinata’s social network.

“You know the sob story about his past is a load of bullshit, right?” he asked.

Nanami sighed; she looked weary, as though she knew about it already. “For the past couple of years, he’s had it pretty rough… My guess is that he initially made up that story as a coping mechanism, but it's not my place to say anything more than that. While I don’t know the exact truth behind it, I doubt that he meant to cause any harm.”

Something stirred inside Hinata.

What if Nanami was right? What if this whole thing was some kind of huge misunderstanding? It seemed unlikely, but not impossible. He knew for a fact that Nanami wasn’t a liar. And it would explain Komaeda’s persistence in trying to get in touch with him, too.

But if that was true, then it was _him_ who was being the real asshole here. Avoiding him, blocking his number, refusing to let him explain... God, he was a dickhead.

“I guess... I might have lost my temper back then. And maybe overlooked some things,” he admitted while absently scratching his cheek, “In my defense, Komaeda wasn’t exactly being on his best behavior, either. It felt like he was trying to piss me off on purpose, and I still don’t know why.”

“See?” Nanami offered him an encouraging smile. “That’s why you should talk to him. Like, actually talk to him and listen to what he has to say.”

“I know... I just don’t feel like I’m ready yet.” That, and he needed to be in better shape to think all this new information through. With reason. And cold hard logic.

But at least now he knew he couldn’t continue on like this. He needed closure, or it would keep haunting him for the rest of his life.

He just had to hope it wouldn't be too late by then.


End file.
